A lack of respect should not be easily ignored

For the single men looking to be married, there are some good life lessons to be learned. This is straight out from one of the examples of the RP Christians reddit. This is a part of the original post and my response.

My girlfriend is a friendly, social person, however I notice this is exemplified when it comes to guys for some reason, when guys get too close too touchy; its as if she loses control and acts like a kid, laughing, giggling, giving compliments every 5 minutes and acting impressed and of the like. She’s not reserved at all but only reserved around females (hmm) There was one incident where we went to a group event and she hung out with a guy (who was flirting with her) more than me until I confronted him and told him to back off (this was when we were “talking”) at that time I couldn’t believe it, we were emotionally attached and she would say stuff like “I love you” “you are my world”; so I was rocked to my core when she did that knowing how much she claimed to love me, if thought if this is how you treat someone you love, this is deeply concerning. I didn’t break up with her then because my friends convinced me that she didn’t know what she was doing, which was confirmed by questioning her over and over, she came clean and said she really did know she was doing anything wrong.

The typical RP advice of going to be friendly with other girls (to ostensibly make her jealous) or not mate guarding or being outcome independent or being collared by her behavior may work if she was a plate, but it is not useful advice to any Christian looking to marry.

The problem is that she does not respect what you are telling her. If a woman thinks you are important enough to respect, she will do what you say without being petty or trying to turn it around on you.

If this woman has the same attitude to you telling her something that is concerning to you now and blatantly ignoring it or turning it around on you, what do you think she is going to do to you in marriage? It’s going to be waaaaaaay worse. This is a big red flag.

For any particular thing that you think is concerning this is a useful heuristic:

  1. Tell her once, no big deal
  2. Bring it up again, concerning.
  3. Have to tell her a third time, she’s gone

If she knows once, then she now knows if she didn’t before. If she has to be told a second time, she doesn’t think you’re worth respecting and needs to be told again. If she keeps doing it, she’s stuck in her ways and not worth the time to change as you’ll probably be cutting your teeth.

If she’s not teachable and she keeps doing concerning things, it’s not worth it. Ask any married men with wives who are stubborn and unteachable.

  • Proverbs 19:13 A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.
  • Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
  • Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.
  • Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

It’s so important that the Bible repeats it.

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7 Responses to A lack of respect should not be easily ignored

  1. Wayne says:

    Her behavior stinks of pride and self-centeredness, and she’s passing it off as cute immaturity. As a comparison, a 50 year old woman acting the same way would be an embarrassment. But because she’s young and attractive, guys get blindsided.

  2. earl says:

    If she’s flirting with other guys in right in front of you chances are she’s well on her way to breaking things up.

    Ask me how I know.

    Of course I was probably as ‘blue pill’ as any other guy in my teens and 20s thinking she was just being naive (even though I was going caveman underneath, the gut doesn’t lie)…but they do know what they are doing and why they are doing it.

  3. selbol kujul says:

    I believe a girl who claims to love me must do things that show I’m the only one for her. When the reverse is the case, I don’t think I be needing a Prophet to tell me “I need a quit”. I love to Love and be loved the same way.

  4. Wizard Prang says:

    Where do I begin…

    1) Ignore what she says, observe what she does.
    2) Do not tolerate disrespect, rebellion or sass.
    3) You cannot turn a ho into a housewife.

    Submission is key: if she will not submit to your leadership when you are dating, she will never submit after the wedding.

    In the example, he handled it wrong. He should not be telling the other fellow to back off; * was flirting with *him*. He should be removing her from that situation. *She”Come on, we’re leaving”. If she refuses, she can continue to flirt with Nigel Newguy, but she’ll be on her own.

    Submission comes out of respect. Men need to learn to be hard and uncompromising when it comes to this kind of disrespect.

  5. Wizard Prang says:

    Correction: *she* was flirting with *him*

  6. @ selbol kujul

    I believe a girl who claims to love me must do things that show I’m the only one for her. When the reverse is the case, I don’t think I be needing a Prophet to tell me “I need a quit”. I love to Love and be loved the same way.

    Be careful about wanting to be loved the same way.

    The Scripture tells wives to respect/reverence their husbands. If you’re expecting love instead of respect, you may have underlying issues to deal with.

    I’ve seen this in a few cases where men have an absent or overbearing mother… they want their wife to be like a mother to them rather than their wife.

    The late Anthony Bourdain had this type of relationship with Asia Argento, and when she left him he committed suicide. He wanted her love and put her on a pedestal.

  7. selbol kujul says:

    True but I said what I said in line with the topic of discussion which is ‘having a fiancé who claims to love you but doesn’t truly respect some of your major feelings, meanwhile you show her total devotion’. That’s why I said I like to be treated the way i treat someone.

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