I or others may have discussed this a while ago, but I don’t recall discussing it in post format. The numbering scale is the typically discussed format (1-10), but it really doesn’t indicate how it works in real life.
1. Attraction distributions
For example’s sake, let’s start out with your average white man who is maybe 2o lbs overweight, average face, dresses in baggy clothes, shaves once a week, has good hygiene otherwise, doesn’t style his hair, is part of a Church but doesn’t really participate much, sees women he likes but takes a few weeks or month to work up the courage to ask her out, and traits like these.
Numerically, this dude is probably a “5” or so if you were basing the fact that he is your average male, but technically he’s below average in the eyes of most women at like a “3.”
If you recall, the OKCupid observations that women found about 80% of men unattractive. Obesity in general has made the left end of the scale (the 1-5 part of the 1-10 scale) higher in weight so you have a skew in distribution.
For attraction, women have a right skewed attraction curve where there is a smaller percentage of men who are attractive in that right tail while the majority tend to sit on the right side in the unattractive zone.
2. How attraction works
Generally speaking, a percentile based format best describes one’s attraction at any particular one time.
Let say if this average dude, who is probably around a “3” in the eyes of women, asked out 100 women who were evenly distributed from very unattractive (“1”) to very attractive (“10”) would get maybe a 5% date rate.
Most of these women who would accept would be around his attraction in the 1-3ish range. Hypergamy plays a factor and also the fact that women’s expectations can be far above their own objective attractiveness.
So this average dude has probably a 5% date rate, and most if not all of that 5% skews to the unattractive women.
3. How modifications in one’s looks, status, leadership, and other traits affect attraction
Let’s say this average dude with 5% date rate of mostly unattractive women starts to work out and starts a diet to lose weight. This takes place over the course of 6-9 months, but he sheds all 20 lbs of fat and gains about 10 lbs of muscle.
By simply shedding 20 lbs of fat and gaining 10 lbs of muscle, this guy probably moves up from a “3” in women’s eyes to a 4 and maybe 5 in some eyes. His date rate will probably increase from about 5% to maybe 10%. In effect, doubling his date rate. If he asked the 100 women evenly distributed, it will still mostly be 1-3s but maybe a 4 or 5.
Now, let’s say over the course of another month or two, our average guy gets advice from his male or female friends about style and how that fits with him. Gets some nice fitting clothes, starts to style his hair, and groom well. By doing this, his success rate may bump another 5% of so.
So now his success rate of asking 100 women ranging from very unattractive to very attractive is about 15%. Most of them are still probably in the 1-3 range, but there are a few in the 4-5 range now and perhaps an occasional 6.
Now, lets say this man gets serious with his faith. He starts evangelizing when the chance comes up with his friends. He has diligently studied the Scriptures and gotten involved with loving and serving others in the Church. He has taken up a leadership role in a Bible study. By doing this, he has become much more secure and confident who he is in Christ and been developing leadership skills. By doing this, his success rate jumps up another 5%.
So now his success rate of asking 100 women ranging from very unattractive to very attractive is about 20%. Most of them are still probably in the 1-3 range, but there are a some in the 4-5 range now and maybe a couple 6s and an occasional 7.
Now, let’s say this man is pretty serious about relationships. He’s studied the Scriptural marital roles and responsibilities. He also knows he needs to learn how to lead a relationship. He works on his emotional IQ, and his communication skills to lead conversations and not be awkward. He works on his eye contact, not fidgeting, and teasing women. By doing this, his success rate jumps up another 5%.
So now his success rate of asking 100 women ranging from very unattractive to very attractive is about 20%. Most of them are still probably in the 1-3 range, but there are a bunch in the 4-5 range, some, few 6s, and an couple 7s. Still no 8s though.
4. Other thoughts and misconceptions on traits or characteristics that affect attractiveness
- It must be noted that some things can be strong disqualifiers. If our average man had extremely poor hygiene and smelled extremely bad, his success rate could literally drop to 0%. Things like really bad acne or skin conditions can be strong disqualifiers but that is not always the case. It could just decrease certain percentages by 1% or 5% or 10% or more depending on how bad things are.
- Will the increases in say working out and losing weight, style, developing leadership skills, and developing social skills and not being awkward result always in 5% increases? No, of course not. This is simply an example. Initially, it may take 10 lbs of lost weight to increase 1% date rate, but as you start looking better and better it may take 7 lbs then 4 lbs of lost weight to gain another 1% each.
- Let’s note that this example guy only gained about 10 lbs of muscle. If he had gained 30 lbs of muscle, he might have jumped another 5-10% because doing from a “toned” appearance to a “muscular appearance” will typically drastically increase success rate, especially with stylish clothes and hair. First impressions do play a big role.
- If a man was black, asian, hispanic, indian, or another race, his success rate compared to being white will drop accordingly to some percentage. It is harder for minorities to date than white. To speculate, it could drop say 5% for black and hispanic and maybe 10% for asian and indian. Thus, minority races typically have to compensate by strongly developing other traits and accept they’re at a disadvantage.
- This is the same with height. The taller you are the easier it will be (to some extent). Very short men have a very bad disadvantage.
- Additionally, if our average man is an expert or really good at music and occasionally plays on his Church’s worship team, you can bet that his success rate would probably jump some percentage points because of local status/fame inside his own Church. The women outside the Church might not know about this, but this certain skill which is exposed to a particular population would give increased success rate.
- Generally speaking, very few men have >40-50% success rate when asking out women unless they are extremely attractive (8-9+ male) or are actually famous. Contrary to popular belief, some women just don’t like some attractive men for one reason for another so actual success rates don’t actually go up anywhere near 60-100%, except if a random celebrity asks out a bunch of random women on a date. Maybe then you’d get extremely high date rates.
There’s more that go into it than this, but these are a solid overview of how other things may affect attractiveness and date rate.
Of course, none of this actually takes into account many of the different things that it takes to be successful in relationships.
Sustaining relationships tend to be based more on disqualifiers and character more than attractiveness. Since we’ve already assumed we are attractive (for the most part) the other party and they’ve accepted us as someone who they potentially think are attractive enough to marry, then the relationship is about mainly character and understanding Biblical marital roles and responsibilities.
How can a Christian man show that he is one who is going to love her, honor her, and help her to become more like Christ in the marriage? How can a Christian wife show her that she is going to submit to him, respect him, be affectionate, and be her husband’s helper in marriage? This is what the relationship portion is like leading toward engagement and marriage, as God’s ideal for us in marriage is that we adhere to His standards.
Often it is the case that relationships tend to expose our character flaws or find out where we may not be a good fit for our spouse. If, for example, a woman is looking to do missionary work overseas and you’re called to minister here at your Church, this could be a place where there is not a proper fit.
On the other hand, if our spouse responds more with anger or bitterness and lacks respect or wanting to learn how to please us or understand us, we understand that they may be a poor choice because they’re walking away from the fruits of the Spirit and Biblical marital roles and responsibilities and choosing their own self interest and selfishness.
Overall, this is not some rocket science. Depending where you are in male attractiveness, you need to look at what things may increase your percentage rates accordingly and try to figure out and minimize or remove any disqualifiers.