The truth about trickle truth

So “trickle truth” is one of the concepts where:

  1. A woman (or man for that matter) is confronted about something in their past.
  2. They provide you an answer.
  3. You find out later that their answer was only partly true and it was much worse than you had initially thought from that answer
  4. You confront them again and they tell you more about what happened
  5. You think it’s over, but this cycle can repeat multiple times.

This often happens with a woman (or man’s) sexually history where they try to hide what they did in their past because they think it would make them look bad to potential romantic interests. Which is true by some measure.

There are multiple problems with this. Lying or lying by omission. It actually makes you look worse when you’re found out. Often times people don’t take this serious enough as a red flag.

In general, what we learn from this in the Bible is that truth is paramount.

If you truly are transformed and forgiven in Christ, you are willing to admit your sins as a testimony for Christ. Paul when he was Saul murdered many believers in Christ: a fact he freely admits in multiple epistles and claims he was the worst of sinners but God’s grace was sufficient for him. No matter how “bad” the truth sounds, if it’s part of your testimony of how God saved you then it’s a credit to Him.

If you think you have to hide something from others, your life or perhaps that area of your life has not be transformed by Christ. You see this much more from cultural Christians than you do from true Christians.

This is why any sort of trickle truth at least from a Christian woman or man is a red flag. This is doubly so if you are thinking about potentially marrying someone who you are getting trickle truth from.

This entry was posted in Godly mindset & lifestyle and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to The truth about trickle truth

  1. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    This sounds like the sort of thing that would undercut credibility. That is the problem with credibility. Once diminished, it is hard to replace.

  2. Sharkly says:

    How can somebody be truly repentant of a sin they won’t even confess?

  3. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    When I was on internet dating, I did a little research into Eastern European women. They are completely intolerant of lying. I guess they feel if the man tells little ones right out of the gate, it will only get worse later. Things that would pass in America would not fly with them. I have heard that it is common for men to exaggerate their height and income. It looks like a parallel here.

  4. Jacob says:

    Trickle truth sounds like another way hypergamy and Alpha Widowhood show themselves in dating.

    Hypergamy is a conniving bitch. Every time a woman gives herself to a man who is not receiving her virginity as a husband, it’s another step away from God for her. No man will be quite like the first. If he’s a strong man it is all the worse. Whether she’s had an Alpha or pursues an Alpha in each sexual encounter, each attempt will be slightly more aberrant to God’s design than the previous one. It doesn’t take long before her capacity for devotion to a husband becomes non-existent, and each iteration gives her something more to cover up with the next one. It doesn’t matter if her n-count is 2 or 20.

    More importantly, every cover-up, whether by lies, half-truths or omissions sears her soul and inures her heart to God’s design. Eventually, truth will no longer be a virtue for her, just a another cosmetic to use when it helps and avoid when it doesn’t. A good sign is if her standards for truth-telling in men are stronger than they need to be.

    Trickle truth-telling (I hesitate to call it Truth) is exceedingly common in the chivalrous Western Christian church. It’s exacerbated by unhelpful church counsel to younger women not to ‘settle’, and obsequious men who treat accepting a woman’s slutty past as proof of their Christian manhood. Neither is biblical, nor helpful for godly marriage. If a Christian woman dates outside the church there’s a good chance she’s not telling the whole truth about her sexual activity.

    General rule of thumb: All women lie about sex if it’s in their interests to do so.

  5. Joe2 says:

    If you think you have to hide something from others, your life or perhaps that area of your life has not be transformed by Christ.

    I’ve seen this principle abused to brag about one’s sins rather than remaining silent due to sincere remorse.

    This is especially true when churches invite a guest speaker to address the youth / young adult group. The speaker may go on about how they used drugs, stole money to buy drugs, were a drunk, had numerous sexual affairs, etc. and then had their life transformed by Christ and are now blessed with a lovely wife and two adorable children.

    But the message being conveyed is there are no consequences because everything turned out O.K. and they are now on the speaking circuit and getting paid by churches.

  6. Ame says:

    that is exactly how it was when my first husband started telling me about his porn/sex addiction.

    “What is that website you visited?”
    “I didn’t visit that site.”
    “Well, unless someone broke into our home and logged onto our computer, you did it. (our girls were preschoolers).”
    “Oh, well, okay.”
    “How often have you done that?”
    “That was the first time.”

    it wasn’t the first time … actually, by the time we had that convo, he’d been sleeping with prostitutes for a long time 😦

  7. Ame says:

    i agree. i think there is a fine line of owning your own stuff and accepting and receiving God’s forgiveness for your sins and repentance and humbly allowing God to use all that for your good and His glory … and using it to promote something that benefits mostly you. once that fine line is crossed, everything gets blurry – esp if there’s no one willing to point it out to you.

  8. northernobserver says:

    There is also the related sin of asking questions that serve no purpose other than to humiliate or destroy. Why do you care so much about what John the Baptist did before he received the vision to preach the coming of the Messiah? People undervalue the Present when they let the Past consume them.

  9. @ northernobserver

    There is also the related sin of asking questions that serve no purpose other than to humiliate or destroy. Why do you care so much about what John the Baptist did before he received the vision to preach the coming of the Messiah? People undervalue the Present when they let the Past consume them.

    That’s probably the lesser things I would worry about during dating but it is a good point.

    If you are dating someone you do want to know about their past and compare it to how they’ve changed at the present. It can give you a better idea if they have been truly transformed in Christ as a believer or are just masquerading as a Christian.

    If someone tries to get information to make you feel bad about it, that’s definitely a yellow or red flag too. They’re likely to hold your past against you in an argument as revenge.

  10. “This is doubly so if you are thinking about potentially marrying someone who you are getting trickle truth from.”
    I learned this after my gf broke up with me but this is something that we need to be teaching sons/male family members. Trickle down is the same as “water downed”. People do things like that to try and skate through, but the vast majority of people that do this deep down know that they are holding on to something dying.
    Good post, by the way.

  11. Seth says:

    Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

    But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

    All those…

  12. Joe says:

    Seth you are correct.

    I have seen Christians wear their past sins on their sleeve like a badge of honor.
    It’s like a contest to see who was the worst person in their pre-christian lives. I see this all the time.

    If we are all sinners in the eyes of God (like Churches tell us we are), then it doesn’t matter what we did in our past and we shouldn’t be broadcasting it. How much do we see of the Apostles previous sin? Just a few words from Paul, and that’s it.

    This coming from a guy who has no past and can never “compete” with those Christians who did terrible things. I’ll never have a “story”.

    When I have this conversation, this is where I get called “prideful” and even naive. I’m not prideful, I just obeyed what the Bible said and avoided the consequences.

    A prudent man sees evil and hides himself, The naive proceed and pay the penalty.
    Proverbs 27:12

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s