A general response to sin for Christian husbands and wives

I’ve seen a few topics come up on the Christian RP reddit on understanding the Bible on response to sin from a husband or wife.

The Christian husband and wife are each responsible for their Biblical marital roles and responsibilities. If one of them is a Christian and the other is not, 1 Corinthians 7 and 1 Peter 3 apply which is different. Within these there’s 6 different things (3 sets of 2 pairs) of general understanding and responsibility:

  1. A husband is responsible for his own sin.
  2. A wife is responsible for her own sin.
  3. A husband is responsible for influencing his wife
  4. A wife is responsible for influencing her husband
  5. A husband is responsible for how he responds to his wife’s sin
  6. A wife is responsible for how she responds to her husband’s sin

Let’s say a wife cheats (this can also be for the husband just replace the wife with the husband and vice versa).

  • The wife is responsible for her own cheating to God, but
  • a husband may have some culpability in influencing his wife to cheat if for instance he’s harsh with her constantly which can influence her to seek attention of other men or constantly denies her sex or things like these.
  • both the husband and wife are responsible in how they respond to the sin. The husband must call his wife to repent (fire and brimstone or kindly depending on the situation- whichever one helps her repent better), and the wife is responsible for repenting

There’s a lot of personal accountability and responsibility for the husband and wife, even though they are in different roles and positions of authority. The main thing is that they must be within the bounds of the Biblical marital roles and responsibilities. To paraphrase: For the husband headship, love, and honoring his wife, and for the wife respect and submission.

For the husband in responding to a wife’s sin it must be done in love and honor while for a wife responding to her husband’s sin it must be done with respect and submission.

One big thing you see in modern “Christianity” is that if a husband sins the wife suddenly “gets out of acting respectful and submitting to him” which is totally contrary to the Scriptures in 1 Peter 3. This is where a lot of the Church caves to culture. On the other hand, the reverse is true such as in the secular RP- the man bears 100% responsibility and the women have very little blame. In the Bible, God holds each person accountable to the role in which He has called them.


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16 Responses to A general response to sin for Christian husbands and wives

  1. Sharkly says:

    For the husband in responding to a wife’s sin it must be done in love and honor…

    The big disagreement comes when you ask what that looks like.
    I’d say you love her like your own body, and seek restoration of the damage, healing from the ailment, preventative measures to preclude a relapse, and healthier habits to strengthen ones defenses, and you honor her by not resorting to the soft bigotry of low expectations, but instead holding her to the excellent standards of God’s holy word.

  2. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    This is workable in a functioning culture, but in the present one that puts women equal to God and superior to men, women aren’t accountable, not even to God. It is good that you pointed this out, this is fundamental to a relationship.

  3. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I am going to anticipate someone’s objection to my last comment. Where are men going to find women willing to “buck” the culture when the culture is promising nothing but advantage to women?

  4. @ Sharkly

    I’d say you love her like your own body, and seek restoration of the damage, healing from the ailment, preventative measures to preclude a relapse, and healthier habits to strengthen ones defenses, and you honor her by not resorting to the soft bigotry of low expectations, but instead holding her to the excellent standards of God’s holy word.

    According to the Scripture, the purpose of the “love” is sanctification.

    Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church [q]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

    It’s the antithesis of Adam who went along with Eve by eating the fruit in the garden and so sinned.

  5. lastmod says:

    Adam didn’t have scripture, didn’t have any instruction except to “not eat the fruit” of the tree in the garden. Adam didn’t have a rabbi, or priest, or paul, or prophets, or podcasts, workshops, seminars, and instructions to not be “nice” or how to be the man “god called him to be” nor people to teach him…..

    and if it is intuitive…..well, we don’t need church, or any learned people to tell us as such. We all just know. Where oh where did god tell Adam “don’t ever listen to your wife……ummmm I mean helper…”

    I don’t recall a wedding ceremony in Genesis either between Adam and Eve

  6. Jonadab-the-Rechabite says:

    There are many purposes to marriage including dominion, companionship, reproduction, directed sexual outlet, and love. But all of these are subsumed under the heading of a picture of the relationship of God to His people. Husbands are to love as Christ loves His church, that is sacrificially, but never without authority. The church has no authority over Christ. That love requires doing what is the best for the object of that love. Teaching, sanctification, correction, affection provision and protection are all components of such love. Wives are to love their husband-lord (1 Pe 3:6) by joyfully giving honor due Christ’s appointed head over her. She does this by keeping his commands, submitting to him in all things, obeying that the Word be not blasphemed. Both are to satisfy the sexual needs of the other with joy and enthusiasm. In this way the husband emulates Christ’s love for the church and the wife emulates the Church’s love of Christ. The picture is precious to the Lord, it is the gospel lived out in the home, and a witness to a culture in defiance of God’s rule.

    The modern egalitarian approach of nearly all churches is a reproach to scripture; one that pictures Eve wanting to be as a god not submission and love to her Lord. It is a wife demanding equality but in practice exercising dominion over her husband. The church, Christian publishing and Christian radio have abandoned the teachings of scripture to appease the zeitgeist of feminist ideology that permeates culture. Like Adam, who feared losing fellowship with Eve more than losing fellowship with God, the church is afraid of women. The fear of the Lord as the beginning of wisdom has been eclipsed by the fear of women as the road to happiness. The church is afraid that the women won’t stroke the pastor’s ego, afraid that they will be called sexist or misogynistic or worse patriarchal; oh the horrors of the scorn of shrews. Christian books are mostly consumed by the market segment of women, as is Christian radio and Christian counseling etc. Irritating one’s market is bad for business, and the church is big business. The modern church teachings pictures not the gospel, but an apostasy from the gospel. Wives who do not submit is a picture of a church that is lawless, teachings of a husband’s compromise and negotiation are the picture of a church that refuses to obey but thinks that they are equal with God when it comes to ethics. Certainly the whole obedience submission thing can be renegotiated, because the Chruch has does not heed the wisdom of God and His unsearchable judgements, they have become His counselor telling Him what is best right and proper.

    I’m not sure if this marriage malaise is the result of heterodox theology or if corrupted theology is the result of men being emasculated within marriage. It is probably both feeding off each other creating a downward spiral. The church does not appear to be be able to self-correct nor does it appear to want to align itself with scripture. The church is like the disobedient wife, blaspheming the word by refusing to obey it, yet claiming to be the bride of Christ and the ground and pillar of truth. The family is the foundation of society and each of its jurisdictions. When the foundations are destroyed what will the righteous do?

    Hint the righteous repent and humble themselves. Weird how in this age of egalitarianism so few women will dane humility and repentance.

  7. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    “On the other hand, the reverse is true such as in the secular RP- the man bears 100% responsibility and the women have very little blame.”
    Concur. I have seen too much of this and it is an unsupportable burden.

  8. Not A Fake Christian says:

    The men of this forum are weak and actually believe that the more they attempt to display a a “ Christ like “ nature that they will marry the woman of their dreams. I’ve yet to meet any man or woman in a church that is any better behaving than a good person outside of church. Church still adheres to a hierarchy of men who believe that that have authority over others. It’s laughable at best. I’m non white ( not black) and I’ve had more attractive white women attempt to get me to become marriage material for them. All the while it’s always a white man trying to intervene and speak as if I have a flaw in my faith, character etc. I once believed that godly women existed and while I was extremely devoted to scripture and following what I believe to be accurate I was conned into a marriage and gave her a third divorce. The church and all her friends believe she has only been married once. Yet, I was the bad guy. Only married once. The fact is all men seek sex, and will use their faith to get close to a woman. There are more indecent women in a church than out. Don’t come to east TN, or you will see what I’m saying is true. Many of you on this board must be unattractive and attempting to raise your attractiveness through the use of scripture. A complete joke. The fact is that you’re deeply I secure men that attempt to oppress women and make them sit home raising children but you wonder why they resent you and have a crises once the children are grown. We live in a society where women do not understand sexual polarity and the traditional roles in the Bible are no longer applicable. You guys are losers and cannot compete, simple as that…

  9. Jonadab-the-Rechabite says:

    @ fake
    You seem to think the Chief end of man is to get laid and enjoy a glorious marriage. With that end you think that faith as a strategic frame is ineffective. But such thinking is according to the flesh.

    “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,”
    ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10:3-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

    However, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We (not fake Christians) do not posses faith to get pussy, we posses faith to be a possession of Christ. We worship the triune God not women. We follow God’s Word not in order to become sons, but because we are His son. Biblical sex roles are not obsolete, they may be rarely taught but they are applicable simply because they glorify Christ.

    We lament the effects of sin on marriage, the church’s friendship with the world and the feminist zeitgeist, but only a loser would turn away from the Word of God after having known its author. To the eyes of the flesh the martyrs and even Christ were losers, they lost their lives after all, but in faith we are taught that in losing our lives we find life. The real losers won’t give up their life and so lose the the greater life in union with Christ. Mock us, heep scorn on us, they did that to our Lord and as we follow Him we can endure the taunts of those who are perishing because we have fellowship in suffering and He gives us strength. Besides, we know that the testing of our faith is worth more than gold. The real loser on this blog is the one who turns to from Bible, but the one who turns away for his own carnal desires, the one who sells all that he has but not for the the Perl of great price ie the kingdom, but for his own sexual gratification.

  10. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Not a fake Christian,
    Gee, that sounds an awful lot like a Red Pill put down.

  11. Jacob says:


    Sorry for what has happened to you but did you really need to dump that bundle of muck here for others to rake out? I won’t bother with most of it but I do want to say a bit about Christian strength and fitness. You seem to be under the impression that hypergamous competition as a natural reproductive process has some bearing on our spiritual health and well-being. Christ doesn’t care about reproductive fitness. Faith in Him is not a guarantee of posterity.

    You seem to be under the illusion that ‘survival of the fittest’ (aka hypergamy and fitness testing by women) is God’s plan for us. Correct me if I’m wrong, but what Biblical basis do you have for that?Survival of the fittest is a scientific theory (only) that describes what people have observed in the animal kingdom. It’s woefully inadequate in describing the holistic development of the human being. The history of medicine, for example, shows in precise detail how Man has been defeating natural selection processes from the very beginning, and the spiritual history of Man shows that he is a created being, each one endowed as His image-bearer. Each person has been given the gift of life and conditional entry into his eternal kingdom, the condition being faith in Christ not survival of the fittest. The weakest of the weak in the world have first place at God’s table. Do you suppose that He would not bless them with children?

    The medical and spiritual histories are inextricably linked. So much of modern medicine would never have come about if it wasn’t for the scholarly, hospitable and charitable traditions of the Church. They were conceived by faith in a supernatural God and made successful by His grace and mercy. Alpha McBadBoy would probably have died in childhood or in his mothers womb if it wasn’t for the faith of countless others that went far beyond the base mating strategies of the animal kingdom. The reality is that with medicines the vast majority, if not all, people who are alive today owe their existence to evolutionary ‘weak’ men and women who, if of any other species, may never have made it to breeding stage. The point being that the hypergamous competition and fitness testing we see in the MMP are just two elements in a much more complex human mating strategy.

    The reality is that most people in history were peasants, and peasants would have married the first (and usually the only) person who was available to marry them. The rich and attractive no doubt had choices but they were few and for the rest there was probably just relief, especially for parents who had one less mouth to feed. The current phenomenon of feminist empowerment and open hypergamy is very unusual.

    The AFBB meme and all its variants makes the Alpha look strong and the Beta weak. This is problematic for Christian manhood, even though it simplifies the sexual nature of women for easier discussion. The reality is that men are not merely sperm donors, resource providers or tingle givers, and women are not merely baby vessels, sex workers or rewards for victory in a rutting contest. Men and women may be all or none of those things yet be pleasing in God’s sight. Babies will be born in all and none of those situations. Importantly, the absence of anything that makes us attractive to the opposite sex does not make one weak. Sin makes us all weak. Repentance and entering into the redeemed life available in Christ makes us strong.

    Real strength comes from seeking God’s will and following Christ. A man need not be concerned about his standing with women if his standing with God is right. The openly hypergamous fitness-testing woman is weak and in desperate need of a Savior. not a man. The right woman knows who her Savior really is. The rest don’t matter.

    Hypergamous competition is the way of the world. It is real and worth knowing about, but reducing human existence to any variety of the “sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive” argument is to deny the value of the created being and therefore to deny the wisdom and will of the Creator.

  12. @Jacob:

    He did because that was his/the bot’s job. They show up to demotivate/cause strife.

  13. Jacob says:

    He gives glory to Jesus Christ

    Like Simon the sorcerer?

    Simon had the attention of an entire city, astounding them with his clever words and deeds. He called himself something great, and was called something great. Simon believed the Gospel and witnessed the power of the Holy Spirit in action. He sought to bless the crowd just as he saw the Apostles do, but was given no part in that work because his heart wasn’t right with God. He was poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity. The Apostles prayed for his deliverance and moved on.

  14. Jacob says:

    Sorry, wrong blog. That was meant for Dalrock’s. Gotta watch that:

  15. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I had almost forgotten about Simon the sorcerer. It was good to be reminded.

  16. Joe2 says:

    Not A Fake Christian,

    I’ve had more attractive white women attempt to get me to become marriage material for them…. I was conned into a marriage and gave her a third divorce…. You guys are losers and cannot compete, simple as that…

    LOL – a fake post. Calling guys here “losers” while being “conned” into marrying a “twice” divorced woman (I assume was white, but could be non-white) makes you what, a “winner?” No, it makes you a bot that needs a lot of work.

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