The importance of God’s mission

One of the big issues that Christian men run into when in a relationship or marriage is lack of mission, which often leads to idolization of the wife.

1 Corinthians 7:25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; 31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away.

The importance of this passage is that we need to always take a heavenly perspective on things. Paul was indeed referring to the present persecution of the Church in his time, but it also extends out to the Church as a whole over time whether in good or bad times. God’s importance comes first.

What does it mean for a husband to live as if he had no wife? How does this jive with the passage of Ephesians for husbands to love the wife?

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Christ’s example of loving the Church sacrificially for the purpose of sanctification (not feelings!) was putting God’s purpose for His life first. He even wanted the Father to take the cup away from him in the garden. He didn’t fall prey to the prevailing Jewish thought at the time that the Messiah was to be a sociopolitical and military Messiah that saved the Jewish nation, which included His disciples own thoughts about what He would do.

So too any single man or married man should be part of the body of Christ, using His gifts of the Spirit to enrich the body and evangelize and carry out God’s mission here on earth: the Great Commission. No man is an island, and he needs to be plugged into a community of believers. This is one of my huge criticisms of many of the men who stop going to Church. Yes, people at Church can hurt you. Even Christians are fallible human beings that often let their pride get in the way. But that should not stop you from continuing to use your life to minister to others, even in the Church.

As we know, when a girl or the wife becomes the center of attention, the pedestal, she becomes his idol. This is not only idolization, but this leads to destructive actions that cause harm to the marriage. Life starts to become about making her happy or catering to her whims at the expense of everything else. This leads to a dissatisfaction and discontent in the wife which often turns into rebellion and divorce. The cultural and churchian milieu which encourages putting the wife first only causes this snowball to grow larger as there is no force of resistance against it.

Indeed, Jesus models this through leading by example and laying down His life for our own sanctification. Husbands have this call too in marriage: to model Christ’s sacrificial love. A large part of that is not solely teaching and correcting her spiritually (which is what I usually talk about), but also modeling the life of Christ’s ministry through our own gifts of the Spirit, evangelism, and discipleship in the Church.

The pedestal is always filled. Many Christian husbands have it unassumingly on the wife, but in the absence of a wife what is going to fill it? What should fill it? The answer is clear.

Living as if you had no wife means

Very few Christian men lead a missional lifestyle, and I think by and large this is also one of the reasons why they are unattractive to women (aside from things like obesity and other factors). Many non-Christian men have a purpose such as the love of money or power or bedding women or whatever. These purposes are obviously sinful and futile in the end, but they are attractive to women because women are attracted to the traits behind these: driven and ambitious.

It would be wise for any single Christian man to know and pursue their God-given mission even before any women come into his life. This way they cannot be put on a pedestal or idolized from the get go, and it correctly models the example of Christ.

Christian husbands who have not been doing this have a harder time, and that’s why “pulling back” from a wife to focus on doing what God has called us to do is so important. It gives God the opportunity to now use our own life as a living witness for Him whereas before there was a dysfunctional pattern of idolization of her feelings and expectations. This was the sin of Adam; intentionally going along with his wife in the garden instead of following God’s command. So too Christian husbands have the choice. It’s a hard one, especially if there have been dysfunctional patterns for years.

A pure focus on God and His mission as first in your life is the model of both 1 Corinthians 7 and Ephesians 5. This is what it means for even a husband to live as if he had no wife. When this is put into perspective of Christ’s love for the Church, we can see it leads to appropriate modeling (spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally) of that relationship which helps to break any dysfunctional marriage pattern that has started or existed. Yes, it will be difficult, but following God’s Word has always been that way.

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18 Responses to The importance of God’s mission

  1. Sharkly says:

    Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church … so that He might sanctify her … by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

    Life starts to become about making her happy or catering to her whims at the expense of everything else. This leads to a dissatisfaction and discontent in the wife which often turns into rebellion and divorce. The … churchian milieu which encourages putting the wife first only causes this snowball to grow larger …

    So if you and God are both correct, then any Godfearing Christian man needs to be willing to lay down his perfect attendance medal at the apostate churchian “house of homewrecking” in order to give his marriage, and children’s home, the best chance of surviving and not causing the gospel of Christ to be blasphemed, by being torn apart at the hands of false teachers who lead foolish women astray. God never wants anybody to stay in a whoring church with false teachers and false brethren. He commands us to come out from among them and be ye separate. If your church is ashamed of any portion of the Bible, they’re faithless and most likely going to hell for it, don’t join them on their way. You’re far better off engaging in family worship like many of our Godly pioneering ancestors did. Don’t be too timid to take up the spiritual leadership reigns of your family instead of outsourcing that to the great whore of churchian apostasy.

  2. Joe2 says:

    So too any single man or married man should be part of the body of Christ, using His gifts of the Spirit to enrich the body and evangelize and carry out God’s mission here on earth: the Great Commission. No man is an island, and he needs to be plugged into a community of believers.

    A single man should be plugged into a community of believers (aka local church), there should be no arguing that. The concern is whether a local community of believers actually wants single men to attend.

    The truth is that beyond a certain age (late 20’s to early 30’s) single men are treated as pariahs in the local church. If you are not engaged at that time or have a serious girlfriend with marriage on the horizon you will be treated as second class or worse.

    The treatment of singles is well documented the book, “Quitting Church: Why the Faithful are Fleeing” by Julia Duin. Chapter 5 specifically deals with singles and their experiences which she documents from her interviews. Make no mistake; a single man seeking help with his singleness is more likely to experience emotional abuse rather than any help.

    The local church creates a toxic atmosphere for single men and there is no reason why any single man should be subjected to such an environment.

  3. @ Sharkly

    So if you and God are both correct, then any Godfearing Christian man needs to be willing to lay down his perfect attendance medal at the apostate churchian “house of homewrecking” in order to give his marriage, and children’s home, the best chance of surviving and not causing the gospel of Christ to be blasphemed, by being torn apart at the hands of false teachers who lead foolish women astray. God never wants anybody to stay in a whoring church with false teachers and false brethren. He commands us to come out from among them and be ye separate. If your church is ashamed of any portion of the Bible, they’re faithless and most likely going to hell for it, don’t join them on their way. You’re far better off engaging in family worship like many of our Godly pioneering ancestors did. Don’t be too timid to take up the spiritual leadership reigns of your family instead of outsourcing that to the great whore of churchian apostasy.

    Maybe. God comes first, so that must be taken into account.

    If you are in an area to influence the Church to change and it is not affecting your family negatively then staying may be part of your mission in that season.

    If it is negatively affecting your family then it would be a wise idea to leave and find a God-fearing Bible-believing congregation.

  4. @ Joe2

    The truth is that beyond a certain age (late 20’s to early 30’s) single men are treated as pariahs in the local church. If you are not engaged at that time or have a serious girlfriend with marriage on the horizon you will be treated as second class or worse.

    It is true in many cases, but it is not always true. One may need to find a Church that is welcoming or possibly change the Church culture himself. Easier said than done, but giving up fellowship because other Christians are not good at it is not an answer.

  5. Sharkly says:

    … but giving up fellowship because other Christians are not good at it is not an answer.
    LOL If they’re bad at fellowship, it is highly doubtful that they’re Christians.

    John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples: if ye have love one for another.
    God would have spared Sodom if there were even ten righteous people in that city. Our cities are every bit as evil and even worse. Where in the America are you going to find a church God could spare, with even ten righteous people together in the same church? I live in the buckle of the Bible belt, and I can’t hardly find a Godfearing pastor, much less ten righteous. When you do find a Godfearing pastor he’ll be crying out for all sinners to repent of self and turn from their wickedness, and he will be warning them of the eternal fires of hell, where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched … there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth … And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night. Make peace with the Son while you still have a chance! Only God knows when the day of His mercy abruptly ends stolen away from all sinners like a thief in the night. Flee from His wrath that is to come!

  6. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    All of this is well and good, but without a supportive church that has not given itself to Churchianity, we’re kind of on our own and without a rudder.

  7. @ Sharkly

    LOL If they’re bad at fellowship, it is highly doubtful that they’re Christians.

    All I see is excuses not to get involved, when the Bible clearly says to fellowship with other Christians.

    So what if they end up not being Christians? Then you have a witnessing opportunity.

    You’re also telling me that ALL converted Christians know how to fellowship well. That’s clearly false.

    I seriously hope you change your stance on this. When you have to go before God during judgement day I hope you don’t have to tell Him that you told other Christians that they shouldn’t get involved in Church to fellowship with other Christians because they were “unwelcoming” or “not Christians” or whatever. That’s going to be a doozy. Especially when the Bible tells us that Christians themselves are the ones that are to be growing in the Spirit and demonstrate and show that their lives are changed to others.

  8. @ fuzzie

    All of this is well and good, but without a supportive church that has not given itself to Churchianity, we’re kind of on our own and without a rudder.

    And so what?

    If you go to a Church that is churchian you have ample witnessing opportunities.

    If you are not mature enough as a believer then you can always go to a different Church that has men that do fellowship well.

    Christ led by example and commands us to complete His mission regardless of whether the circumstances are good or bad. He created His own fellowship group by selecting the 12 disciples and teaching them and leading them. Other Christian men can do the same.

  9. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Deep Strength,
    I am not Jesus Christ. Still, he did have problems with Pharisees. I think that it would be the same with me.

  10. @ fuzzie

    I am not Jesus Christ. Still, he did have problems with Pharisees. I think that it would be the same with me.

    I don’t think fellowship is a point of contention in any denomination.

    Other theological concerns? Sure. But Jesus sat down and dined with everyone.

  11. Sharkly says:

    I’m not saying that the word of God will not be a rock of offense to some people, but a true Christian will not be repulsive just because of selfish reasons most of the time. They should try to bring out the best in you.

    All I see is excuses not to get involved
    Perhaps I wasn’t clear, I’m warning people to flee from these false brethren, just like the Bible says to have no fellowship with them. They’re not excuses to not get involved, they’re additional incentives to be ye separate from them. These churchians are ashamed of parts of God’s word! They preach Feminism instead.
    Mark 8:38 Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.
    To be ashamed of any part of God’s word, is to seriously lack faith in the omniscient Author. As though you know where God went off base.

    on our own and without a rudder.
    My hope is fixed on Christ who was attested to by the Father, and I am a temple of their Spirit.
    Hebrews 6:19 Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the veil;
    I may not have a rudder, but I’ve anchored this temple right where God has placed me.

    Christ led by example They usually either tried to stone Him or seize Him whenever He went to a synagogue or the temple. When He didn’t make a whip and turn their tables over to clear their junk out of God’s house. Eventually the temple leaders paid a traitor to help seize Him so they could have Him crucified.
    He created His own fellowship Like your website and the one I have started. Those who seek the truth can seek us out for fellowship and sharpening, and also read the Bible online. God’s fellowship might not be hidden under a steeple these days, or come with a “family life center”.(private gymnasium) I’d be warry on the day of judgement to have been referring people to the wolves. Like the Scribes and Pharisees of old, they will ruin new converts, who might have otherwise learned correctly from the scriptures.
    Matthew 23:15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
    I recall one new believer who was voraciously reading his Bible and informed the pastor’s wife that she shouldn’t have spoken in church. The ‘children of hell’ persecuted him, ostracized him, and eventually ran him out of the “church”, greatly damaging his Christian faith. It’s best not to join up with the children of hell. Find the faithful where you can, fellowship with them, even if it is a “virtual” meeting. The spirit of God does not dwell in houses built by men. I can fellowship with the faithful in novel ways. My God is not the God of just the past and present, He’s not stuck just in the fellowship modes of the past. When you get to the future, you’ll find God is already there.

    Keep up the good work on this online fellowship!

  12. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Deep Strength,
    I am still angry with how Joseph of Jackson was treated at his church when he taught young men how to take Mary Lou down to the drive in to split a malted milkshake. How can I support that?

  13. Random Angeleno says:

    Deep Strength,
    I am still angry with how Joseph of Jackson was treated at his church when he taught young men how to take Mary Lou down to the drive in to split a malted milkshake. How can I support that?

    Oh that’s a long time to hold a grudge. Whatever happened to shaking the dust off your feet?

  14. Anonymous Reader says:

    fuzziewuzziebear
    I am still angry with how Joseph of Jackson was treated

    How does being angry inside your head change what happened to him?

  15. Joe2 says:

    How does being angry inside your head change what happened to him?

    I think another pertinent concern is how Mary Lou was treated. Was she ever counseled regarding her behavior and acceptance of, I assume, “free” malted milkshakes or was she given a pass?

  16. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Has anyone heard what happened to Joseph of Jackson? It had to be about four years ago that he said that he was looking for a new church for himself and his kids. Did he ever find one?
    It is a long time to hold a grudge, but injustice should only be forgiven when it is admitted to and the transgressor is contrite.

  17. Anonymous Reader says:

    Has anyone heard what happened to Joseph of Jackson?

    You might ask at other sites, such as Cane Caldo’s.

    It is a long time to hold a grudge, but injustice should only be forgiven when it is admitted to and the transgressor is contrite.

    If I understand what you are writing, you are reluctant to go to any church because of what one church did to a man. Is that correct, or am I confused?

  18. Pingback: The goal for Christian husbands whose wives deny them should not be sex but their wife’s repentance | Christianity and masculinity

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