One of the pitfalls that men who are unsuccessful with women tend to fall for is trying to directly copy the behavior of men are successful with women. While this works some of the time with the behavior, it can fail because of the difference in attractiveness.
A man who is attractive to women gets a larger benefit of the doubt than a man who is unattractive. Though it is also true that many of the behaviors are indeed correct (such as acting in a masculine manner, as a leader, etc.), it’s hard for some men to dissociate the results versus the process that also comes with being attractive themselves.
Ironically, the other effective way at understand correct behavior is to look at the unsuccessful relationships when a man pedestalizes the woman. In these reverse hierarchical relationships, it is the man doing everything he can to be a “helper” to the woman, with the woman being the leader of the relationship. Aside from any unkind or other sinful actions, looking at the behavior of the woman in this situation is exactly how the man should have acted in the relationship.
Relationships generally reflect polarity in this aspect: if the man is masculine he will attract and choose feminine women whereas if the man is feminine he will attract and choose masculine women (and vice versa). Therefore, one can look at this polarity and see the general traits and behaviors that the leader exudes in the relationship and what makes them successful and learn and understand why those are effective.
I think for many men that are unsuccessful with women, looking and aping the men who are successful with relationships can be daunting with mixed results. This is discouraging and can lead down the wrong path. However, for the introspective man, he can examine his own unsuccessful relationships or the unsuccessful relationships of others more easily and impartially and learn and apply those traits more effectively with less pressure. This is necessary sometimes.
- Look and learn at the behaviors of men successful with women. Some may not work if you’re not attractive enough
- Examine your own behaviors that may have been unleader-like, and see how they may have contributed to failure of relationshps
- Examine others behaviors in relationships, both from the man and woman’s side
- Examine the relationships with masculine women and feminine men as usually the masculine women will be doing behaviors that can make men more successful with the relationship
It’s interesting because the attitudes of things like outcome independence that attractive women have men throwing themselves at her, that is more or less how most men who want to be successful with women should act.
Men and women are the same in that regard. Men that have women throwing themselves at them and women who have men throwing themselves at them will have common behaviors between them that help maintain success with women. The unfortunate part for attractive women is that they have to break that mindset if they want to have successful relationships and marriage. Many don’t.