Understanding the right hierarchy for men unsuccessful with women

One of the pitfalls that men who are unsuccessful with women tend to fall for is trying to directly copy the behavior of men are successful with women. While this works some of the time with the behavior, it can fail because of the difference in attractiveness.

A man who is attractive to women gets a larger benefit of the doubt than a man who is unattractive. Though it is also true that many of the behaviors are indeed correct (such as acting in a masculine manner, as a leader, etc.), it’s hard for some men to dissociate the results versus the process that also comes with being attractive themselves.

Ironically, the other effective way at understand correct behavior is to look at the unsuccessful relationships when a man pedestalizes the woman. In these reverse hierarchical relationships, it is the man doing everything he can to be a “helper” to the woman, with the woman being the leader of the relationship. Aside from any unkind or other sinful actions, looking at the behavior of the woman in this situation is exactly how the man should have acted in the relationship.

Relationships generally reflect polarity in this aspect: if the man is masculine he will attract and choose feminine women whereas if the man is feminine he will attract and choose masculine women (and vice versa). Therefore, one can look at this polarity and see the general traits and behaviors that the leader exudes in the relationship and what makes them successful and learn and understand why those are effective.

I think for many men that are unsuccessful with women, looking and aping the men who are successful with relationships can be daunting with mixed results. This is discouraging and can lead down the wrong path. However, for the introspective man, he can examine his own unsuccessful relationships or the unsuccessful relationships of others more easily and impartially and learn and apply those traits more effectively with less pressure. This is necessary sometimes.

In short,

  • Look and learn at the behaviors of men successful with women. Some may not work if you’re not attractive enough
  • Examine your own behaviors that may have been unleader-like, and see how they may have contributed to failure of relationshps
  • Examine others behaviors in relationships, both from the man and woman’s side
  • Examine the relationships with masculine women and feminine men as usually the masculine women will be doing behaviors that can make men more successful with the relationship

It’s interesting because the attitudes of things like outcome independence that attractive women have men throwing themselves at her, that is more or less how most men who want to be successful with women should act.

Men and women are the same in that regard. Men that have women throwing themselves at them and women who have men throwing themselves at them will have common behaviors between them that help maintain success with women. The unfortunate part for attractive women is that they have to break that mindset if they want to have successful relationships and marriage. Many don’t.

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9 Responses to Understanding the right hierarchy for men unsuccessful with women

  1. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    The only thing that succeeds is success, However, in this marketplace, very few men are going to succeed. That is the problem with hypergamy and it is out of control. When women see that no man is showing interest, and find out that other women are experiencing as much, we may see some progress. Hypergamy is a two edged sword and it cuts both ways.

  2. Joe2 says:

    One of the pitfalls that men who are unsuccessful with women tend to fall for is trying to directly copy the behavior of men are successful with women.

    Help me with this – how do you define “unsuccessful” and “successful” with women, as mentioned in the above sentence?

    Look and learn at the behaviors of men successful with women. Some may not work if you’re not attractive enough

    I’m reminded of the “guitar case” experiment discussed in an earlier post. The experiment stated that the man who experienced greater interest from women was an “attractive” man. I think the “guitar case” experiment could be repeated with an “unattractive” man and the results compared.

  3. @ Joe

    Help me with this – how do you define “unsuccessful” and “successful” with women, as mentioned in the above sentence?

    A bit of a loaded discussion.

    What I generally mean by successful with women:

    1. Is attractive enough that when he asks women out (in his league) that at least a few say yes

    2. Can successfully maintain an LTR headed toward marriage (where a woman would say yes) and/or marriage obviously.

    3. You can also say that the woman would want to stay in the marriage with him.

    In general, if you are the same man that you were in #1 and #2, then #3 tends to follow permanently, unless your wife goes off the rails unexpectedly (e.g. undiagnosed BPD, etc.).

    1 requires attractiveness and 2 requires strong, masculine leadership in maintaining a relationship that continues to grow.

    I’m reminded of the “guitar case” experiment discussed in an earlier post. The experiment stated that the man who experienced greater interest from women was an “attractive” man. I think the “guitar case” experiment could be repeated with an “unattractive” man and the results compared.

    We already know the answer to that. Less women would give their number, but some would.

    This post covers those scenarios:

    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/how-attraction-works-and-common-misconceptions/

  4. Pingback: Hopelessness | Σ Frame

  5. info says:

    Case in point the reversed polarity of Meghan and Harry:

  6. Maniac says:

    “She’s his rock.”

    Yeah, his Rock of Gibraltar.

  7. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Deep Strength,
    Something weird is going on with your new post, “Nuances of Marriage Data”. It can be read from your home page, but it won’t come up as an individual page. It is going to be tough to post comments. I hope that you can find this and be able to act on it.

  8. @ fuzzie

    Try again:

    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2020/04/07/nuances-of-marriage-data-its-really-not-that-hard-to-get-married/

    The image was too big so that could’ve screwed things up. I resized it.

  9. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Deep Strength,
    It works now. I guess that was it. Thank you. It works linking from Hawaiian Libertarian’s aggregator, so the original address works.

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