Generally speaking, 9 times out of 10 if a single man or woman is hanging around another single of the opposite sex they’re definitely attracted and interested in a relationship. Some are more obvious than others (“get a room” comments ensue), but this is generally true even if they are afraid to say it or acknowledge it. It doesn’t matter if they’re pre-teens, teens, 20s. 30s, and older. It’s all the same.
Lest we get caught up in the apex fallacy, one has to be attractive in either looks and/or personality to generate such interest in the first place. For men it’s almost always only looks though feminine personality sometimes plays a role. For women, it’s a combination of looks and personality.
- Men’s attraction is primarily based in a woman’s looks (symmetrical face, long hair, low blemishes, clean and youthful looking skin, hourglass figure, etc.) and feminine dress (dresses, skirts, etc.). Personality is primarily a disqualifier (masculine, in your face, brash, ball-busting, etc.) though in rare cases can be an attracter (very feminine personalities like very encouraging, pure hearted, and such men will start to gravitate to, especially if they don’t have any in their life).
- Women’s attraction is based in a man’s looks (tall, muscular, strong jaw line, etc. facial hair can be polarizing in a good way) and his personality. Personality can be an attracter (confidence, charisma, humor, etc.) or a disqualifer (weak, feminine, no backbone, unmasculine, wishy-washy, etc.).
I was watching a show with my wife the other day, and there were 2 men on the screen. One was very confident in his personality and posture and the other was sitting like he was nervous and when he spoke he also came off as nervous as well. My wife noticed the confident one as attractive, but when they came up again did a double take because the nervous one was actually more physically handsome to her.
Unlike men, this is one of the things where for women personality can make a man more attractive to her.
To dig a little deeper, I think we need to get into the minutiae from a couple comments on Sigma’s post. First, mine:
“women always have sex on the brain” – this is a variation of the apex fallacy.
Men always have sex on the brain.. for women that are attractive to them.
Women always have sex on the brain… for men that are attractive to them.
The vast majority of men don’t have sex on the brain with obese women. Same for women with the unattractive man: they’ll call him a creep and avoid him.
If a woman is hanging around a man and giving him any type of one-on-one or intimate attention she’s definitely interested. But that also assumes a man can get such attention in the first place.
Yep. If you have never heard something like this:
“The first time I met you I couldn’t stop thinking about what those hands were going to feel like all over me” then I am really, truly sorry.
This is the crux of the direction I am trying to take my stuff, for what its worth. I have like 159 twitter followers. About 50 some odd you tube watchers. I’m a nobody.
I WILL NOT sell Charles Atlas style “how to pick up chicks” crap. I just can’t bring myself to do it.
My interest is in men who have given up their natural masculine traits and been smothered by a lifetime of blue pill conditioning. Rollo’s advice is right about SO MANY important things. Including “you cannot negotiate desire.” And then goes on to try to teach men to attract women using a monkey dance. Which in my opinion, is a form of negotiating desire.
I think this is key. This is where things went wrong. All the stuff about the MMP is correct in that is artificially skewed buy factors in the environment. (Dating apps, messaging from the culture, etc). Wrenching back to rationality is going to take as long as it took to get here, with a ton of collateral damage.
I both agree and disagree to some extent.
There are some things that just naturally generate more attraction that comes with being excellent.
I’ve noticed in myself once I started to ingrain the Biblical marriage roles and responsibilities into my head even before I was married, I obviously came off as a more strong, masculine personality because I was doing what God commanded and not backing off on it unlike many of the Church husband who says with a nervous chuckle “gotta ask the boss” while his wife is starting or already a harpy.
Once I started taking working out and becoming much more muscular seriously, I started generating a lot more interest from women just because. Once I started taking my dress and style more seriously I generated more interest from women as well. No man who has worked out and gained 20-30 lbs of muscle and/or lost a similar amount of fat has not seen a difference in interest from women. This is just something that obvious.
Likewise, I think the goal has to be removing the femininzed and chivalric lens from our world view. Learning pick up lines and how to jump through hoops is obviously going to fail in the long run. A woman will start to pick up that your personality is not congruent with how you normally act.
However, a man that has removed the feminized and chivalric world view will not bend toward trying to be a people pleaser or try to jump through hoops to try to garner a woman’s interest. Ironically, this ability to not care (e.g. be outcome independent) is what helps to drive at least some natural attraction.
In other words, be the best man you can be to serve God and see how much interest you get from women. This is a fluid process as one can almost always gain more muscles or be a stronger leader. For the majority of men they will be able to at least generate some interest, though how much at first sight is debatable.
Putting it together
Ideally, the hierarchy for men on going out with women would be something along the lines of:
- See who is attracted to you
- Apply godly selection criteria (e.g. true Christian, humble, teachable, etc.)
- See who is the most attracted to you both physically and personality-wise after those criteria
- If there are only women that are somewhat interested and not potentially all-in for marriage, then you have a hard choice to decide whether you want to stay single or go with it.
The interest you generate from women can change over time you change. As was said before, you can become a stronger, more confident, masculine (and godly man) and gain more muscle.
The caveat to that which I agree with Scott to the extent that the man you are when you meet a woman is likely the interest that she will perceive in you almost perpetually. In other words, having good pick up lines or jumping through hoops won’t work. She’s either attracted or not, and it’s very difficult to change a first impression unless you drastically change over the course of knowing her (e.g. gain 20 lbs more muscle and she notices it).
Thus, if a woman is not interested or only marginally interested it’s not worth your time to talk to her much at all. Keep focusing on being a better man so when the next woman comes around you are potentially more attractive and can generate a stronger initial interest.