A poignant post from Instagram that resonates with a lot of young men.
A lament. NYC is probably the worst city to live in for mid-20s/30s evangelical Christian guys. Now I understand why more and King’s College guys are leaving the city a few years after graduating, esp. the Alpha types. After 14 weeks of reading approx 1800 pages, writing about 70 pages of critical thinking, and 42 hours of discussion about what contributes to men really thriving—studying circa 1800 to the present—the guys in my masculinity course last semester saw just how utterly deficient NYC churches are at building up the fellas. If you don’t read the history or know the data you probably can’t see it. But we’re in trouble. Ladies will ask, “where are all the good men?” Answer: wherever churches are providing unique opportunities for men to be sharpened by other men—for men, by men. And NCS doesn’t even come close to what we read in the books this semester. A proper group needs at least 3-6 hours per week. I actually felt bad for my students in my masculinity course at the end because there isn’t a church in New York that I could recommend for them to keep growing and learning about how to be better men and love well from other men.
I’ve been researching this topic for about 17 years and it all came together last semester. The best class on this I’ve ever taught. I was depressed when the semester ended. Haha. All of the women marrying guys in this class are going to have great lives. They have no idea! The data shows that a woman’s quality of life is significantly improved if the man in her life are been spending time with other men learning how to love well from other guys, esp. older guys. The best men’s groups in Manhattan and Brooklyn are all non-religious ones. Last Friday, I spent about 5 hours on the phone trying to figure out what to do about this with a theologian and a pastor. One Manhattan pastor, highlighting how pathetic it is for guys in NYC, ended with a deep sigh, “What are we going to do?” It’s taken me 17 years to get my head around some solutions so maybe one church may have some stuff soon, in the meantime most guys will flatline, increasingly become friendless, and cement themselves in domesticated passivity. Settling is just easier.
This is no surprise to us, but it seems that at least some Christian men are coming around to these ideas apart from these parts. It is still quite sad though as many men are still floundering.
There’s a good reason why Jesus took a core group of 70, 12, and 3, and 1 disciples for Himself, and building the fellowship, friendship, and camaraderie between men really does produce fruitfully via iron sharpens iron.
Single or married you should always strive to get some good and mature Christian men in your life and do life together.