The friend zone is the same as a feminism in the female life path

The Masculinist recently had a blog post on how to get out of the friend zone. My piece on it was 5 years ago. I think it’s time to go back over it in light of a bunch of the stuff we’ve been discussing on relational archetypes such as the Summary of evaluating relationships and marriage and plans of actions and the Bible and the female life path.

In the post on understanding the friend zone and escaping it, I detailed 4 main ways that you can “get out” of the friend zone.

  • You were her friend, but she always liked you. She was waiting for you to ask her out.
  • You were her friend, and you underwent some change to become a man while you didn’t see her for a while. When you meet her again you impress her.
  • You were her friend, but you are developing into a man. Then one day her friend or some other random act of God makes her reconsider you and her eyes are proverbially opened.
  • You were her friend, and she doesn’t know a certain side of you. An inadvertent crisis or significant display of social dominance or leadership shows her a side of you that she never saw before. She reconsiders you now as more attractive because of this masculine display.

All of these, aside from the first one where she already wants you to be the head/leader of a relationship, are “epiphanies” where she realized she’s attracted and wants to be in a relationship with you.

Let’s consider this in terms of the female life path.

Overall, virtually no one gets into a relationship with a woman other than headship or tingly respect. In other words, she must respect you and/or think that you are attractive to go on a date with you and want to be a in relationship. I can’t think of any relationships where this wasn’t the case, unless the woman in question was trying to use the man for something whether time, money, or other things.

In evaluating the friend zone specifically, we can understand that the vast majority of men in the friend zone are trying to garner a woman’s interest by doing things for her that they would do for someone dating them. In other words, they’re hanging out with her a lot, spending money to buy her gifts, food, or other things, complimenting her, and things such as these. I’ve gone over this before on some of my earlier (2013-2015) blog posts. In other words, the men are trying to back into a relationship with the women much like women try to do with attractive men by thinking sleeping with them will make them want to be in a relationship with them. It rarely works, and this is virtually feminism in action.

On a large scale, feminism seeks to re-distribute male resources (typically via the government) to women without any compensation. The majority of government spending on welfare, healthcare, and such goes to support poor women, single mothers, and women’s health.

Likewise, we see the same thing with friend zoned men who are attempting to get into a relationship with women. They are spending much of their time, energy, and resources (money or otherwise) on women who don’t want to date them and usually just let them do it. After all, who would deny a free meal ticket? Not most people on welfare especially the single mothers or the women getting free healthcare even if they don’t need it (e.g. free planned parenthood). I’m not saying that these social systems are bad. They’re great for people who are actually in desperate circumstances. I’m criticizing the ease and perhaps ubiquity of the ability to abuse the system much like women who have a ton of male orbiters.

To conclude, to the men who are friend zoned or are trying to get out of the friend zone just stop. You’re acting like a feminist. You’re spending your time, effort, money, and other resources on a woman who doesn’t want to be with you nor does she value you. Move on to a woman who is actually interested in you.

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9 Responses to The friend zone is the same as a feminism in the female life path

  1. anon says:

    Unfortunately “friends first” is often pushed in the American churches as the best way to go about seeking a mate. “They were friends first!” is an exclamation I’ve heard more than once from a proud parent, or pastor. In at least two cases it was painfully obvious to me at least that the girl was settling for a man, rather than head-over-heels crazy.

    “Friends first” is possibly just another version of “courting”, which worked for some and failed for others. To reiterate, it’s not a bad thing per se, but when it’s pushed as the bestest way to seek a wife, it’s very flawed.

  2. Ive told plenty of guys that they need to move on. They dont do justice not having boundaries or reinforcing bad roles.

    I stopped accepting women as friends. I dont do it at all.

    I am a friendly person but I make sure that people know that they dont get (x) product for (y) price.

  3. Novaseeker says:

    If a woman is interested, you know it very early in the interaction. She doesn’t hide it, if she is truly interested (even if she is currently with another man, actually). If a woman is not interested, it makes no sense to pursue further, at all. Ideally, you only approach women who show prior interest (IOIs), and if you do that you lower the “noise” rate substantially. But if you are just approaching women without prior IOIs, if you don’t get one in the first set of interactions, move on — you likely never will get one from her, unless some kind of “reset” happens (which are basically the scenarios you describe above — something happens that causes her to “reset” her initial assessment of you). Anything further with that woman with the idea of pursuing her is literally a waste of your time.

  4. @ anon

    Yeah, I think friends first is generally dumb. If you’re both interested you should explore the interest in a godly manner. Waiting for presumably months or years just wastes your time when you could see if you two are a good fit or if you should move on to different prospects.

    The two people could pine over each other for a while and then find out they’re not a good fit. Congrats. You wasted another 1-2 years of your life when you could have made some other decisions to find another interested potential spouse who was a better fit. You only have a decade or so for optimal prospects, so you wasted 10-20% of it on nothing.

  5. @ freemattpodcast

    Agreed. Most men don’t understand why their behavior is self reinforcing in a bad manner and that they should avoid it entirely. I don’t do women friends either, even though I’m friendly and will chat.

  6. @ Nova

    If a woman is interested, you know it very early in the interaction. She doesn’t hide it, if she is truly interested (even if she is currently with another man, actually). If a woman is not interested, it makes no sense to pursue further, at all. Ideally, you only approach women who show prior interest (IOIs), and if you do that you lower the “noise” rate substantially.

    Pretty much. And if you aren’t getting any IOIs from any women you need to educate yourself on what to look for. If you still aren’t getting any, then you probably have more work to do in terms of mission/purpose, physical attractiveness, and other things like that.

    But if you are just approaching women without prior IOIs, if you don’t get one in the first set of interactions, move on — you likely never will get one from her, unless some kind of “reset” happens (which are basically the scenarios you describe above — something happens that causes her to “reset” her initial assessment of you). Anything further with that woman with the idea of pursuing her is literally a waste of your time.

    And it’s very hard to get a reset unless there was some significant change, which is why it’s hard for men in marriages to turn it around if they’ve been acting in an inverted roles or lazy captain scenario.

    For single men just best to avoid women who put you in the friend zone and try your chances elsewhere.

  7. Joe2 says:

    “Friends first” is possibly just another version of “courting”, which worked for some and failed for others.

    And that’s the problem. We don’t know exactly the meaning of “Friends First” and it gets bandied around be it by pastors, proud parents, etc. The meaning that is important is when a woman uses it. You have to ask her what she means, especially if you got prior IOI’s.

  8. Anonymous Reader says:

    We don’t know exactly the meaning of “Friends First” and it gets bandied around be it by pastors, proud parents, etc.

    That does not matter. Many people say foolish things, we do not have to pay attention.

    The meaning that is important is when a woman uses it.

    No, it isn’t. Watch what they do.

    You have to ask her what she means, especially if you got prior IOI’s.

    That will fail, for reasons that Deep Strength and others have already explained. Women want a man who “just gets it”, they do not want to have to explain such things. If there are Indications of Interest, then proceed. “Friends first” doesn’t matter, it’s kind of lame slogan.

  9. Pingback: Something’s not right… (about Sexual Authority) | Σ Frame

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