This is a pretty good episode discussing initiating dating and relationships inside the Church. The cover a bunch of what I’ve covered before with some unique insight. Check it out.
I’m not going to summarize it, but I will add some structural insight on things from my point of view.
Recall the SNL skit: “Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive.”
This summarizes the main two things to look for if getting dates are an issue.
- Mission is attractive — you’re driven to succeed and you have goals that you’re working hard to meet.
- PSALMs – Power, status, athleticism, looks (muscular / Greek god look), money are all attractive to women
- Masculinity and the various traits associated with masculinity is attractive
- Generally, this can be summarized as being a confident, well-dressed, successful, charismatic, muscular and masculine leader.
Don’t be unattractive
- Typically, this involves eliminating various factors that are turn offs.
- Eliminating bad hygiene
- Eliminating bad posture
- Eliminating poor eye contact
- Fixing poor social and communication skills
- Understanding context and nuance when talking with women
- Removing fear of talking with and asking women out
- Most of these can be summarized as removing low hanging fruit like bad smells and actually getting out and talking with a lot of people (not just women) and learning how to be interested in others and hold good conversations. Realize that you will fail, but the only way to learn and grow is to fail and keep on going.
Mission is paramount. Evangelizing and discipleship cover many of these categories — both in the “be attractive” and “don’t be unattractive” — as you’re approaching and talking with many people (again, not just women) and learning to talk about your faith and ask them about theirs and have deep meaningful conversations with others and planting seeds that God can use.
As the “be attractive” and “don’t be unattractive” things improve your usually the success rate of dating will improve. It’s a process. It takes time.
There are obvious things that are hindrances that aren’t changeable like factors in your past, your height, your age, and so on that can make things more difficult but not impossible.