Got some questions from readers.
[The book] has clarified and brought together a lot of things in a very helpful way. Unfortunately, it’s pretty much too late for me (I grew up with the blue pill, especially Evangelical variety, and now have a marriage that is de facto separation, due to a lot of my mistakes based on that perspective), but I’m going to work through it with my 17-year-old son.
I don’t think it’s too late. The PUAs got a couple things right in the context of women, and “You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority” of Chateau Heartiste’s commandments of poon is one of them. Again, this stems from the fact that the PUAs/RP do have a decently accurate understanding of women’s nature (from observations about how God made man and woman).
What I am getting at here is that you should have your own mission for God. How are you carrying out the Great Commission in Matthew 28 for Jesus (‘Go and make disciples of all nations, teaching everything that Jesus commanded’). How are you utilizing your spiritual gifts to love and serve others? Are you involved with the Church to love and serve others? How are you exemplifying these things and living out your faith in all areas of your life? How are you loving God in all aspects of your life — mental/emotional, physical, spiritual? This includes being faithful to your own Biblical marital roles and responsibilities. Physical especially lifting and putting on muscles, is probably the easiest low hanging fruit that builds up good credibility.
Generally, once you start to put God first and start to be more effective in all that you do for God you start to develop the traits that women are attracted to as a by-product. The ambition, the leadership, the confidence, and the masculine nature of excellence and doing. Then you actually have something that your wife can follow and be a helper to you with (e.g. Genesis 1-3). As you can see, all things start to fall into alignment with God’s purpose for your life, and the right frame for the marriage: you are guiding your family being faithful (as a leader of one first commissioned to God’s mission and in marriage) so there is no hypocrisy and you are a man she can respect. Not that she should be rebellious anyway as the Biblical marital roles and responsibilities are unconditional, but many wives are… need to get out of that tit-for-tat mindset.
Will all marriages be turned around? No. Just as many of Jesus’ disciples left Him (John 6 if I remember correctly), not all wives would decide to end up following their husbands even if they were perfect like Jesus. But I would say many can be. There is hope.
I’m wondering about the BMB view of classic RedPill stuff, especially as it is put forth on the RPC podcast. Particularly, does the RPC focus on game run counter to BMB’s focus on the man’s self-development?
Generally, I take the approach that most ‘game’ in terms of trying to act in a more attractive way is unproductive. It’s dancing monkey syndrome. You’re basically trying to ape attractive traits so women will like you. Does it work sometimes or occasionally? Sure. But it’s virtually impossible to be a long term solution so I find it useless and a waste of time and energy you could be used to developing your mission for God.
Or do the different types of game approaches (e.g., in the RPC episode you recently posted) have a role in the BMB? For example, should a young man practice cold approaches at the store, just to practice getting comfortable talking to women, reading them, etc., so that he can have confidence when he decides to approach a young woman at church or college (since those latter groups are going to be a lot smaller, and if word can quickly get around there if he’s rejected even a couple times)?
I personally don’t see a point to doing this. Instead, what you should be doing as a Christian is learning to talk to everyone — male and female, old and young, and so on — and be comfortable talking about and sharing your faith. Once you can do that, asking out a woman is of very little consequence in the grand scheme of things.
The decision to follow Jesus or not has eternal consequence. A woman rejecting you is good because you found someone who doesn’t want to follow you or would only be partially interested in you. You want your wife to be all in on you. Even if you take it poorly, so what? You’ll probably almost never talk to her again, unless she’s in the same friends circle but it’s just pleasantries after that. It’s just something that passes in the wind and you move on.
This is not to say that RPC or I am trying to find “Christian versions” of anything. Rather, we are looking at the Bible on how to live our lives, and we understand that some of these scenarios on how we are supposed to be living for God are things that can also help in terms of male-female relationships and marriage.
This is important to understand. We are focused on taking off the feminized lenses that we are wearing having grown up in a culture like this and being obedient to God. The fact that God made His creation in a particular way means we can take observations about how He made that creation and be wise in our applications. Sadly, at times it has taken the PUAs/secular RP to cut through the feminized BS since many in the Church have fallen prey to their own is-ought delusions (e.g. “godliness is attractive”) or downplay what is attractive to men and women.
If you have posts on this already, that would be great. On a similar note, would there be any way you could have a discussion forum for guys who are reading your book? Maybe a weekly open thread for that specific purpose? Thanks again for the great work!
Yup, this can be the first post to ask any questions. Have at it.