There seems to be a very wrong impression about the value of vetting. Vetting is looking at a man or woman’s past and identifying behavior that are potential yellow or red flags. These tend to be moderate to high risk factors for divorce.
Vetting does not ensure any guarantee on future behavior, although it can show trends. For instance, one of my oft used examples is this: if a woman had sex with some men before coming to Christ, but once she came to Christ she was devoted to Christ by following Him in her behavior and chaste for several years she would generally be a better choice than a woman who claims to be a Christian but has done everything but sex (while continuing to claim to be a Christian) with the same number of men the now chaste woman is.
The way Jesus said it in terms of behavior/vows was: let your yes be yes and your no be no. Your behavior should be congruent with what you are saying. This is similar to one of the RP maxims: watch what they do, not what they say.
The thing that I see in real life that most Christian husbands who are in marital trouble aren’t doing is something that is straight out of the Bible that I’ve covered dozens of times on this blog.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
Obviously, the Church currently does not do any favors to husbands by claiming this love that Christ has for the Church is to make his wife happy (e.g. happy wife, happy life). Instead, the real meaning of the verse is one of the keys to help influence future behavior of your wife.
How many Christians husbands are taking responsibility for sanctifying their wife — pointing out when they sin and helping them to repent. That number is probably very few. This ideally needs to be started BEFORE marriage to ensure that you don’t marry a wife that is contentious to Christian teaching, rebuke, correction and training.
Yes, this is basically akin to discipling your wife in the faith.
This command for husbands to obey is critical for influencing a wife to become more like Christ. The act of repentance means a wife has to be humble enough to admit she’s sinning and change her behavior. This also likely means she’s humble enough to submit to her husband and follow His lead.
It is entirely possible that a Christian husband could be doing this from the start of his marriage and a wife is rebellious and contentious anyway, but that seems to be rare.