Anticipating and influencing future behavior

I was thinking about Vetting is for identifying red flags from past behavior; future behavior needs Biblical solutions, and I think there is a need for more discussion on traits that predict a woman will not only stay a Christian but have high character through the changes that life brings in the good and especially bad situations.

The many of these also apply to what to look for in a husband too.

  • Submission and respect

These are clear Biblical roles and responsibilities for wives (Eph 5, Col 3, 1 Peter 3, Tit 2, etc.), but a lot of potential husbands will gloss over these to their own detriment.

While a woman or girlfriend does not have to submit to a man before marriage, you can generally get an understanding of how she will act accordingly when a man makes a decision for them on dates or other similar things and if she reacts with respect and deference. Is she happy that he is making decisions or is she challenging and contentious? The list goes on. Look at both her attitude and actions in reference to your decision making. Better yet, how does she react when you do something that she doesn’t like?

  • Is she teachable? Is she open to correcting, rebuking, and training?

2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

This one is pretty obvious when you look at Christianity as a whole, but I think a lot of people in the Church are a bit blindsided by the fact that people don’t actually obey the Bible when their feelings get in the way.

The big one to look for in this is if a woman is willing to obey the Scriptures even in difficult circumstances or when confronted with her disobedience to Scripture how will she act?

  • Is she humble?

Dozens of Scriptures on humility and pride. One who is humble can admit their errors and repent of their own sin. They do not have a narcissistic or overly high esteem where they can only blame the other person. Humility goes a long way especially in conflict situations. If you have someone capable of understanding their own role to play in any particular situation, you have someone who won’t think of playing the blame game.

  • Does she constantly strive to have good character? How does she exemplify the fruit of the Spirit?

How does she act when no one is around? Does she put on a front when out with people, and does that facade also come around when you are on? How does she act around those less fortunate or those who can do nothing for her? How does she act in difficult circumstances and when things don’t go her way?

“He who is faithful with little is faithful with much”
“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”

You may have to ask her friends and family in regular conversation about how she acts normally, and you can usually figure out for yourself after about 3-4 months of dating when people get more comfortable with one another and start letting their guard down.

  • Final thoughts for now

Virginity and looking at past behavior is great to identify yellow and red flags, but these types of qualities matter more in predicting future behavior. Overall, this is a solid list to start. There are more that can be added as well.

The common theme around most of these is two-fold:

  1. Is she walking the Christian walk, striving to be more sanctified in Christ over time?
  2. How does she handle adversity? The measure of a more mature Christian is one who runs toward God when adversity strikes instead of running away from God.

Most Christians out there when adversity strikes will stop going to Church and small group, stop talking with their friends and family, and generally have a bad time when they need to seek God the most. This is the exact opposite thing that they should be doing.

David, who is called a man after God’s own heart, was always pressing into God even in the hard and bad times as exemplified in the Psalms. Even when he sinned and did extremely terrible things, he was often quick when confronted with his wrongdoing by others to be humble and admit his fault before God and change his behavior.

A woman who has all of these qualities and a husband who focuses on his own Biblical marital roles and responsibilities to be her head and love her for the purpose of sanctification will be able to make it through life’s changes without being blindsided by her randomly changing according to the culture. If there was one trait that is probably the most important, it’s humility as most of these other things flow from that. You can’t have someone that is teachable without humility or willing to admit their own wrongs without humility. Same with walking with the fruit of the Spirit and high character.

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6 Responses to Anticipating and influencing future behavior

  1. Lexet Blog says:

    This is on a list that I keep

    Is this person thoughtful or impulsive in decision-making? (Proverbs 19:2)
    Is this person easily offended? (Proverbs 19:11)
    Does this person only seem to have superficial friendships? (Proverbs 18:24)
    Is this person lazy or motivated to work hard? (Proverbs 26:14-16)
    Does this person have a history of repeating the same foolish mistakes? (Proverbs 26:11)
    Does this person seek to understand others or does he mostly enjoy hearing himself talk? (Proverbs 18:2)
    Does this person have a habit of venting her feelings and opinions? (Proverbs 29:11)
    Does this person constantly get caught up in conflict? (Proverbs 20:3)
    Does this person have a quick temper? (Proverbs 14:29)

  2. Lexet Blog says:

    Ways to flush some of these answers out is to have dates that are activities based, centered around real life. Ex: just walk through random stores with them

  3. @ Lexet

    Those are some good ones too.

    And I definitely like activity dates as well.

  4. Pingback: A Mystical Approach to Meta Reality | Σ Frame

  5. professorGBFMtm2021 says:

    You know all this what to look out for in womens character, still amazes me right?What everybody else calls confedience,I just see as doing what needs to be done or Taking Care of Business(TCB)This is no big deal to myself!But a woman not being humble is!That is’nt the biggest tip-off?Women usualy will go beyond arrogant &into shes your judge,jury&EXECUTIONER mode in a heart beat,if shes not humble!Why does so many men have to find this out with the police showing up,unexpectly?This is why I like long walks with physical therapist women in hospitol hallways!P.S.You did’nt see that coming?

  6. Pingback: The fear of women leads to failure | Christianity and masculinity

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