Chris Hemsworth’s marriage is textbook hypergamy

https://people.com/movies/chris-hemsworth-celebrates-wife-elsa-pataky-45-birthday/

The Thor: Love and Thunder actor, 37, shared a simple yet sweet message for his wife of ten years on Saturday in honor of the actress’ milestone 45th birthday.

“Happy Birthday gorgeous @elsapatakyconfidential !! ❤️ 🎉,” Hemsworth captioned a trio of photos featuring a smiling Pataky.

Despite the optics, Pataky told body+soul in August 2020 that while her relationship with Hemsworth is not “perfect,” she believes a “relationship is constant work” and is never “easy.”

“It’s funny that people think of us as a perfect couple,” the actress and mom told the outlet. “No way. It’s been ups and downs, and we still keep working at the relationship.”

Hemsworth’s career launched to new heights in 2011 when he first starred in Thor. Pataky told Vogue Australia in August 2018 that she wasn’t sure how their marriage survived in its early stages.

Ultimately, she said the couple just found a way to “make it work.”

“In the beginning it was beautiful – when I met him he wasn’t known at all and I grew with him and experienced all his successes and changes, and then he became just so huge and I’ve been sharing that too,” Pataky explained. “Going through every moment and being there with him with every success was actually a good thing – we grew together. It’s difficult when you go from being an unknown person to a very known person and all the changes that come with that.”

A lot to unpack here.

  • They married 10 years ago so he was 27 and she was 35. If she was like most women she was feeling the pressure of singleness and no children at 35.
  • She met him when “he wasn’t known at all,” so he was a relatively obscure actor at the time.
  • Based on her history, she was a pretty successful model and decently successful spanish actor at the time.
  • A year before they were married, he had just gotten his first movie and big break in Star Trek as captain Kirk. Maybe on some people’s radar as an up and comer, but definitely not a big name.

In her mind, she likely thought she was settling for him which means by extension they were entering into the marriage with inverted roles. Men who are 27 and are popular with women generally don’t marry women who are older than them (maybe within 1-2 years but definitely not 5+). Other parts that indicate she was settling and in an inverted roles relationship are:

  • “her relationship with Hemsworth is not “perfect,””
  • “she believes a “relationship is constant work” and is never “easy.””
  • “It’s funny that people think of us as a perfect couple,” the actress and mom told the outlet. “No way. It’s been ups and downs, and we still keep working at the relationship.”
  • Ultimately, she said the couple just found a way to “make it work.”

Women only say these things when they are unhappy and/or settling with a man. If a woman thinks she got a catch they’ll say things are amazing and build him up despite even some or many perceived flaws.

Hemsworth got his big break with Thor, and has since become one of the more popular actors in the world. She then shows how her hypergamy was beginning to be satisfied so that their relationship improved.

“In the beginning it was beautiful – when I met him he wasn’t known at all and I grew with him and experienced all his successes and changes, and then he became just so huge and I’ve been sharing that too,” Pataky explained. “Going through every moment and being there with him with every success was actually a good thing – we grew together. It’s difficult when you go from being an unknown person to a very known person and all the changes that come with that.

The last line in particular is strong unconscious projection. She was already an model and actor with attention, so having her husband get attention wouldn’t be something out of the ordinary. What she means is that it was difficult for her in the beginning because he was an unknown person which didn’t satisfy her hypergamy, but the preceding sentences show that once he was an extremely popular actor things got way better.

Surprise surprise. Once she became more attracted to him because his celebrity status started to outstrip her own, their relationship “grew together” because she was “sharing [in] that too.” I’m sure she’s been loving that.

I’m unsure if Hemsworth has taken the reins of the leadership in his own marriage and whether that caused any of the difficulties they were “working on,” which made things “not perfect” and “never easy.” As we know from experience, men who are starting to act as a leader in their relationship start to encounter resistance especially if they’re relatively unattractive at first and/or the woman has sky-high hypergamous expectations. However, they’ve seemingly gotten to a point where most of her hypergamy is satisfied at least.

Just goes to show you that even celebrities have issues if they marry under inverted roles and even if they get more popular afterward it can still be a difficult road. Men need to take a long hard look to determine if they think a woman is settling for him as that can make marriage very difficult.

Post Script

Why was her hypergamy so high? Maybe some career highlight per her wiki:

Pataky became the female face for the first collection of Time Force’s jewelry line Ultimate Jewel, opposite football star Cristiano Ronaldo.[8] She played Officer Elena Neves in the movie Fast Five, with Dwayne Johnson as her partner, Luke Hobbs. MTV Networks’ NextMovie.com named her one of the Breakout Stars to Watch for in 2011.[9] Pataky was a stand in for Natalie Portman in the post end credit scene in Thor: The Dark World.[10]

If a woman is modeling or acting across from other extremely high profile celebrities, I’m sure this trigger’s a woman’s hypergamy just as if she was going on a date or having sex with some of the most attractive men she’s ever met. Seems like a recipe for alpha widowhood by association. If Hemsworth didn’t get as popular as he did maybe we would have seen another high profile divorce.

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22 Responses to Chris Hemsworth’s marriage is textbook hypergamy

  1. Anonymous Reader says:

    If a woman is modeling or acting across from other extremely high profile celebrities, I’m sure this trigger’s a woman’s hypergamy just as if she was going on a date or having sex with some of the most attractive men she’s ever met.

    This makes sense, because it is the attention that is going to her head in either case.

    Seems like a recipe for alpha widowhood by association.

    Good phrase, worth keeping.

    If Hemsworth didn’t get as popular as he did maybe we would have seen another high profile divorce.

    Quite possible. I wonder if he is using PED’s and/ or Testosterone?

    On the other hand, this really is another example of a couple growing together. It would be better if they’d met earlier, of course.

    Typo
    I’m unsure if Hemsworth has taken the reigns of the leadership in his own marriage

    Should be ‘taken the reins of the leadership”.

    “Take the reins of the relationship and it will be much easier to reign.” Or something like that.

  2. Oscar says:

    @ DS

    Alright, so let’s bring this down to the level of the ordinary, non-celebrity dude. What advice can we deduce from this story for a young man looking for a wife?

    @ AR

    On the other hand, this really is another example of a couple growing together. It would be better if they’d met earlier, of course.

    The smartest man in Hollywood (low bar, I know) might be Jeff Bridges. He married a waitress he met in Montana while he was filming a movie, who didn’t even know he was an actor when they met. They’re still married.

  3. elspeth says:

    In general, men in their 20s are not as attuned to the fact that a woman is older if she’s attractive enough. They just aren’t; especially if they are so-called blue pill. I’ve seen way too many 20-something men marry women 4, 5, 6 years older; women who are no where near as attractive as this woman.

    I remember that Star Trek(my husband’s a sci-fi lover). He was not a late bloomer, LOL. It is not possible that not yet famous Chris Hemsworth had a hard time with women. I do not believe that. I believe he saw that woman, thought she was beautiful, and didn’t give her age much thought.

    I do agree with your assessment though about her increasing admiration for him as his star rose. Makes perfect sense.

    So some of the RP dogma fits here, but not all of it.

  4. @ AR

    Thanks, fixed.

  5. @ Oscar

    Alright, so let’s bring this down to the level of the ordinary, non-celebrity dude. What advice can we deduce from this story for a young man looking for a wife?

    Probably the biggest one is don’t marry a woman who may be settling for you. If she isn’t enthusiastic to follow you and be with you (and by extension expressing some sort of sexual desire in verbals and non-verbals) then that’s probably an issue.

    The smartest man in Hollywood (low bar, I know) might be Jeff Bridges. He married a waitress he met in Montana while he was filming a movie, who didn’t even know he was an actor when they met. They’re still married.

    Seems to be the way to do it. When women don’t know you have other attractive or good qualities and they find out from other people, they start to get stars in their eyes.

  6. @ elspeth

    In general, men in their 20s are not as attuned to the fact that a woman is older if she’s attractive enough. They just aren’t; especially if they are so-called blue pill. I’ve seen way too many 20-something men marry women 4, 5, 6 years older; women who are no where near as attractive as this woman.

    I don’t know about that. Generally, when I’ve asked women to estimate the ages of other women (both my wife, sisters, and others) they seem to not get things right. However, when I ask me to do it they tend to be able to get closer to it. Men tend to be able to sense youth much better than women.

    I do agree with your assessment that men in general will go for attractive older women though especially if women their age that are attractive aren’t up to their threshold, but that still puts them into the realm of inverted roles since they generally weren’t attractive enough in the first place to date women of their own age and younger.

    Not talking about Hemsworth in this last paragraph but more in general about the men who I have seen marry women older than themselves. It’s usually cause she’s one of the first attractive women that met his threshold who showed interest in a serious relationship and marriage.

    I remember that Star Trek(my husband’s a sci-fi lover). He was not a late bloomer, LOL. It is not possible that not yet famous Chris Hemsworth had a hard time with women. I do not believe that. I believe he saw that woman, thought she was beautiful, and didn’t give her age much thought.

    This I am still unsure. While I filled in my post with the typical RP trope there, I don’t think it’s necessarily the case that the opposite is true either.

    There are plenty of famous celebrity men that are 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time divorced and it’s usually because they don’t know how to act like a man in relationship. Of course, some other ones are just stuck in the pattern of infidelity, but the other is true too.

    It’s similar to the typical trope of the man who is a rich and powerful businessman but when he gets home his wife is in charge. They’re great in one realm where they can command men and act as a leader but with women they’re very unsuccessful at maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic.

    I’m sure you know some men like this as well. Very attractive to women… until they start going on dates and get into relationships. Then it all goes downhill cause they act so white knighty and supplicating.

  7. Oscar says:

    @ DS

    Probably the biggest one is don’t marry a woman who may be settling for you. If she isn’t enthusiastic to follow you and be with you (and by extension expressing some sort of sexual desire in verbals and non-verbals) then that’s probably an issue.

    So, basically Scott’s axiom?

  8. @ Oscar

    So, basically Scott’s axiom?

    Don’t recall it I think. I think he’s proposed several by now.

    I think it’s possible for women to recalibrate their hypergamy as well, but they have to be humble and generally stay off social media and other comparisons just like most men need to stay away from porn.

    Any man who is with a woman in a relationship headed toward engagement and marriage should leading and teaching the Word and human behavioral aspects too.

  9. Oscar says:

    @ DS

    Apparently, there are at least two. Here’s the one I was thinking of.

    “It is more or less impossible to generate true, heart pounding visceral attraction from a woman who was lukewarm about you in the first place.

    And that which follows heuristically:

    If you marry a woman who was not out of her mind (e.g. breaking the rules for you that she sets for other men) be prepared to deal with the consequences of that at any point later in the marriage.”

    What do you think?

  10. @ Oscar

    “It is more or less impossible to generate true, heart pounding visceral attraction from a woman who was lukewarm about you in the first place.

    If you marry a woman who was not out of her mind (e.g. breaking the rules for you that she sets for other men) be prepared to deal with the consequences of that at any point later in the marriage.”

    I think this underestimates the ability of men to have large scale changes such as physique transformation as well as wholesale life changes.

    One of the leaders of the RPChristians sub said his wife ended up admitting she wasn’t attracted to him at all after several years of a dead bedroom in their marrige. She was told by the Church to “find the godliest man she could and marry him” and she threw attraction out the window.

    He started working out and getting ripped and acting like a leader and putting God’s mission first and lo and behold they went from a period of only having sex once or twice a year to multiple times a week and she’s now more adventurous in the bedroom and can have orgasms from vaginal sex whereas she couldn’t before.

    I agree with the 2nd paragraph in the sense that if you marry a woman who is generally lukewarm about you then you will have a much more difficult time in marriage. You’re already fighting against relational momentum of inverted sex roles.

    Based on the men I’ve worked with over at RPChristians and the RPChristian leaders who have worked with men there and on marriedredpill significant changes is possible.

    I think Scott and many others at Sigma’s are too black pill in that regard (and I think we’ve discussed that on this blog too), but I think he is also right in that at least some large percentage of men might not have the traits to see change through to the end. We can see amazing changes in the men who are willing to put all of their effort into transforming their lives, but many men just give up for many different reasons or they get to a point where they are satisfied and don’t keep going.

    I myself am proof of a significant change in physique, social skills, mission, and going after what I want… but it took years of sustained work even when you don’t see results for months if not years. It’s a long haul process.

  11. Jack says:

    I estimate that there are about 15% of men who are near enough to the cusp of being attractive (to women) and have the necessary discipline that they are able to make the transition to be in the “visible” top 20% through self-improvement.

  12. elspeth says:

    @ DS:

    You misunderstood me. Athough I’ve had men misjudge my age, you’re absolutely right that women are more likely to get it wrong. But that wasn’t my point.

    I wasn’t saying that men can’t tell how old a woman is. My point was that men in their 20s, in my observation, don’t care as much if a woman is a few years older than them if they find her attractive enough.

  13. @ Jack

    I estimate that there are about 15% of men who are near enough to the cusp of being attractive (to women) and have the necessary discipline that they are able to make the transition to be in the “visible” top 20% through self-improvement.

    I’ve said on other posts I think the range is bigger, probably closer to 60-80% of all men can have the drive if they are discipled effectively.

    I think one mistake many people make (not necessarily you) is that one does not also have to get to the top 20% in everything (looks, height, power, status, athleticism, etc.). I’m maybe 40-60% in looks and 40% in height, but I have other qualities that are probably top 80% that make up for it.

  14. @ Elspeth

    I wasn’t saying that men can’t tell how old a woman is. My point was that men in their 20s, in my observation, don’t care as much if a woman is a few years older than them if they find her attractive enough.

    Understood.

    A few years older, yeah. I’ve seen that generally 1-4ish men don’t care all that much if they’re very attractive. 5-7 is a bit more doubtful, which is why I think it was a bit more doubtful in this case with the age gap at 7.

  15. Anonymous Reader says:

    Deep Strength

    It’s similar to the typical trope of the man who is a rich and powerful businessman but when he gets home his wife is in charge.

    Bill Gates is a likely example, as is Jeff Bezos. Two of the wealthiest men in the world, but obviously confused about women.

  16. Anonymous Reader says:

    Oscar
    So, basically Scott’s axiom?

    Which one?

    Definitely Dalrock’s maxim.

  17. Oscar says:

    @ AR

    Bill Gates is a likely example, as is Jeff Bezos. Two of the wealthiest men in the world, but obviously confused about women.

    Elon Musk is even worse. Seems to be a pattern there.

    Which one?

    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2021/07/19/chris-hemsworths-marriage-is-textbook-hypergamy/#comment-22467

  18. Anonymous Reader says:

    I cannot quite decide where this should go, but “hypergamy” may suit it better than “dark triad”.

    Man proposes at minor league baseball game, winds up on the stadium video system, it flops. So many things wrong with “Jumbotron Proposal” in general.

    https://nypost.com/2021/07/21/mans-failed-marriage-proposal-at-worcester-red-sox-game-caught-on-camera/

  19. Anonymous Reader says:

    @Oscar, thanks, I should have read further down the comments before posting.

  20. @ AR

    Man proposes at minor league baseball game, winds up on the stadium video system, it flops. So many things wrong with “Jumbotron Proposal” in general.

    Sucks for him but a man should already know if she’s going to say yes before he proposes. If a man is looking for signs the woman is attracted and interested and wants to be with you then he’ll see them. If he doesn’t see the signs, honestly she’s not that interested and just in the relationship just because or waiting for a branch swing.

    Seems like a lot of people think it was a stunt though, heh.

  21. Oscar says:

    @ AR & DS

    That woman’s body language resembles that of a person who has a weapon pointed at them.

  22. Anonymous Reader says:

    @DS & Oscar

    A man I know is an actual trial attorney. He once told me that in court he prefers to only ask questions where he already knows the answer. Any man contemplating a public proposal, a “Jumbotron proposal” would be prudent to bear that in mind. Or just ditch the idea.

    @Oscar: Agree on the body language, which leads me to suspect it was not a stunt but a real failure. Hope he learned the right things.

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