One interesting thing that came to me in the Why do most societies have 90-95% marriage rates (at some points) is another possible way of annotating why God’s made attractive traits to be the way they are in the context of marraige.
- Physiological needs – food, water, warmth, rest
- Safety needs – security, safety
- Belongingness and love – intimate relationships, friends
- Esteem needs – Prestige, feeling of accomplishment
- Self-actualization – achieving one’s full potential including creative activities
In general, money correlates with the ability to fulfill physiological needs. Power, status, and athleticism tend to also correlate with fulfilling some physiological needs, but would generally fall under safety needs. For instance, those with high power or status in a tribe would usually secure food or athleticism as a hunter or warrior can procure food. However, those with higher power and status or athleticism also tend to be able to ensure the safety of those they are with.
This brings us to #3 which is belongingness and love. Sex and marriage and friends fall under this category. When you compare your average overweight and almost obese American man who is the butt of jokes of his wife and his wife wears the pants in the relationship, even if he makes a ton of money it probably won’t make up for the fact that he is not a man that inspires feelings of security and safety in her.
This is probably why wives tend to feel revulsion at having sex with men who are lower on the attractive traits, especially barring that money tends to become a non-factor to a certain extend in hypergamy if she has a job of her own. Her physiological and/or safety needs are not being met, especially by a man she is with, so intimacy will become a foreign concept.
The interesting thing is that this hierarchy extends beyond this. If a woman can’t find love (e.g. intimate relationships with a man), she defaults to find it with her friends who are doing the same thing as her which is to try to have it all.
The push of feminism has always been toward having it all, and that encompasses both esteem needs and self-actualization. The irony is that feminism pushes male esteem needs through career and women wonder why they don’t find that as satisfying as having a family in many cases, and likewise there is the push to “find yourself” through self actualization which has come to mean casual sex and traveling and doing whatever.
In any case, this is an interesting way of looking at it and may be helpful if regular conversation can’t get through to some men.