I typically go over the various Biblical marital roles and responsibilities when discussing what to strive for since they are mandated by God for our benefit in marriage.
However, one thing that I don’t often talk about are the distinct traits that make one both a good leader in the Church as well as the home.
I included these in the book because I think they are good for all men to strive for in their life even when single to prepare them for leadership roles in the Church if any, and they are helpful prior to getting a wife too as they build both attractive and relationship sustaining traits.
1 Timothy 3:1 It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. 2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, skillful in teaching, 3 not overindulging in wine, not a bully, but gentle, not contentious, free from the love of money. 4 He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity 5 (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), 6 and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into condemnation incurred by the devil. 7 And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into disgrace and the snare of the devil.
8 Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not insincere, not prone to drink much wine, not greedy for money, 9 but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 These men must also first be tested; then have them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. 11 Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things. 12 Deacons must be husbands of one wife, and good managers of their children and their own households. 13 For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a high standing and great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.
In these we have this list, of which I only am adding 1 time for those that overlap.
- Above reproach / Be tested to be above reproach
- One wife
- Skilled at teaching
- Doesn’t overindulge in alcohol
- Not a bully but gentle
- Not contentious
- Free from the love of money <— big one for American Pa$tor$
- Manages his own household well
- Children are kept under control
- Not a new convert
- Good reputation with those outside of the Church
- Man of dignity
- Holding to the faith with a clear conscience
It’s a full laundry list of things. Those who strive to do all of these things are generally very mature and effective within the faith and Church already with others, so obtaining a leadership position is generally all but a formality.
Although some of these can only be done with a wife and kids (e.g. husband of one wife, manage children well), most of these can be done absent of a wife and kids, and they are much like 2 Peter 1 in an effective way to practice to be stronger and more mature in the faith.
Some of these expressed in action are attractive to the opposite sex, though most I would say tend to sustain relationships effectively.
He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity
NASB may not do this passage as much credit as some other translations which say “rules his household well.”
Imagine if elders, deacons, and men’s groups actually talked about how to rule their own households well. If you even mention that to most people in the Church today their heads would explode.