Women want men to “just get it” and how that plays into submission

There was a longer comment chain started by deti about how women want men to just get it. I wanted to analyze it further.

Women do not like it when men talk about this stuff.

Women want men to be red pilled. But they want men to figure it out without being told. Or, they want men to have this figured out by the time they encounter the men they date, have sex with, and marry.

Women do not want to have to be the ones to explain this to men. They don’t want to have to explain it, because…

— It means he doesn’t “just get it”, which in turn means he can’t think for himself and he’s letting her lead.
— They don’t want “unattractive” men to be red pilled. If you had to learn this online, it’s not internalized, you didn’t “just get it”, you’re probably a fake, and you can’t sustain what you’ve “learned”. Women don’t want non-naturals to know these things about them.
— She would be giving up all her secrets which abdicates a lot of her power.
— His deep knowledge of her, which she revealed, leaves her vulnerable to him judging and ultimately rejecting her.
— It lays bare women’s depraved sexual natures.

This is why women love men who act red pilled; but hate men who talk about being red pilled. This is why women want men to be red pilled, but they don’t want men to talk about being red pilled. Women don’t want men who didn’t “just get” this on their own.

I think the intuitive crux of this situation for women is incompetence.

Not only is a man who doesn’t know what he is doing not leading, but he doesn’t even know what to do or even what the problem is. The rest are probably off shoots of this.

For a man on a mission, the vast majority of competence is perfunctory. He knows what the goal is, he’s pursuing his ambition, he’s made plans to start getting that into action, and he’s actively doing that in the real world. Women like and appreciate that, and the same is true of actually leading a woman. Leading a woman is a mission or perhaps “sub-mission” in and of itself. Pun intended.

  1. God creates man and makes woman his helper (Gen 1-2).
  2. In the ‘New Creation’ Jesus commits Christians to the mission to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28).
  3. Christ and the Church is the perfection of marriage that husbands and wives are to emulate, thus we have a situation of Christ delegating part of His mission to us (Eph 5 + Matthew 28).
  4. Husbands then need to know where they fit within the mission of Christ, and delegate some of that to their wife (Matthew 28, Eph 4, etc.).
  5. Therefore, a husband’s main mission is to carry out the call of Christ, and part of that mission (e.g. a sub-mission) is to lead a wife in that if he has one.
  6. The wife’s submission to her husbands “sub-mission” can only be true if he actively leads and delegates to her what he wants her to do.
  7. Thus, a husband must not only know but he must be competent in leading for her to be a submitted helper.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that that the word submission is like this. Both the Greek and English translation have submission as being “under authority.” The double entendre Scripturally is equally consistent that a wife is not to be the main mission of a man but God’s mission while the wife is a sub-mission under submission.

Technically, Christian husbands are on both sides of the coin as well: a husband is in submission to Christ, and Christ’s sub-mission to each husband is his mission in the body of Christ which is made up of many members.

Men who don’t understand women either via BP conditioning or were taught incorrectly or are SIMPing for women are inverting the roles in the relationship and don’t get it. Hence, the natural repulsion of women to these men. This is also why women can’t teach men to be men and nor do they generally want to.

For women, incompetence in men easily leads to contempt. Competence and excellence generally lead to respect while the opposite leads to the latter. And we know how destructive contempt is for relationships and marriages. Gottman’s #1 predictor of divorce.

The key takeaway, though, is that anything that doesn’t feel like good leadership is generally disliked by women. This includes many things that are often not a man’s issue but her own issues. For example, women can have the expectation that good leadership means actually reading her mind instead of her verbalizing things which end up being covert contracts. The same is true of cultural things like sexual experience versus virginity.

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14 Responses to Women want men to “just get it” and how that plays into submission

  1. Pingback: » Women want men to “just get it” and how that plays into submission

  2. Jack says:

    Nice wordplay on submission. The man has a mission; the woman has a sub-mission. Makes beautiful sense.

    I have one thing to add. Men can be competent in their work, life mission, etc., and rightfully believe that they are competent. But if they’re Blue Pilled, then they’re rather clueless about how women really function. This is what women pick up on. Women usually won’t be able to judge how competent a man is at what he does. They’ll only know this through other people’s reactions as to the effectiveness of his work. All women really care about (in addition to “if she finds him attractive”) is how charismatic the man is in his Headship authority, how well he can appeal to her interest, and whether she “feels like” he can read her well and respond accordingly. This ties back to what I wrote aboutHarnessing the Motivations of Others and Pursuing Flow to develop Confidence and Trust. You will probably disagree with me on this, but competence (from a woman’s perspective) essentially means that he’s game saavy.

    BTW, do you know anything about the Heavenly Unions site that reblogged this post?

  3. D Bradley says:

    Two points: first, I recently wrote about femininity and how the feminine is basically in a large sense defined by the masculine. It’s on a man to lead her and to delegate to her, just like you mentioned here. Nowadays though, men expect women to be on more egalitarian terms with them. I’m always surprised by how many men don’t want to have to teach their women anything. But as Christ is the head of man and man the head of woman (1 Cor 11), it’s on men to provide her structure, leadership, definition, and to lead her to Christ.

    Second, contempt is the right word when men fail at this. It makes sense though because women look up to us. Think about your favorite sports star you look up to. Say he excels at everything, but then later falls from grace due to his own poor decisions and not taking responsibility for himself. You can’t help but pity him. He let you and everyone else down. So much wasted potential, so much wasted strength… when someone in authority or power wastes their potential, contempt can be a natural reaction for us.

  4. Rock Kitaro says:

    I have a question. In reading this, it makes me a little upset because i didn’t figure a lot of this Red Pill stuff out until my late 20s/early 30s. Part of this, I can blame on myself, because in reading the Bible, there’s already a lot of Red Pill Truth. But also…I was just straight up LIED TO. That’s what I don’t get. My dad, my step-father, mentioned none of these things to me and my brothers.

    And when our mom did talk to us about how to approach a woman, it was that old-school sentiments about being nice to her, shower her with compliments, and approach her like a gentlemen to ask for her number. I did that. Got a girl’s number AS she was telling me she already had a boyfriend. So i didn’t call and she promptly accused me of stalking her out to her car and creeping her out, that’s why she gave me the number.

  5. Rock Kitaro says:

    So essentially, my question is how do women expect us to know these things if the information isn’t open and available, our blue-pilled peers tell us we’re wrong, and then we’re gas-lit into doubting what we’re observing for ourselves.

  6. Bardelys the Magnificent says:

    *my question is how do women expect us to know these things*

    That’s not really their problem. You’re supposed to “just get it”, remember? Women have no idea how the sausage is made, nor do they want to, which is why their advice is useless. We used to be able to talk about this stuff behind closed doors, so they wouldn’t see it and it wouldn’t hurt their precious sensibilities. It’s all been covered before.

  7. Jack says:

    Rock,

    “I didn’t figure a lot of this Red Pill stuff out until my late 20s/early 30s.”

    It is not only your personal problem, it’s the BIG problem that’s stalling modern masculinity. Practically every man reading here has (or has had) the same problem, which is sheer ignorance about Headship and the nature of women. This is partly why we hear the mantra, “Where have all the good men gone?” from women. (The other part is “Where have all the good women gone?”)

    “…how do women expect us to know these things if the information isn’t open and available, our blue-pilled peers tell us we’re wrong, and then we’re gas-lit into doubting what we’re observing for ourselves.”

    Women don’t really expect men to change and grow (until after marriage). Women want a turn-key, off-the-shelf, ready-to-go man. The whole purpose of $h!t testing is to determine whether a man is competent or not. Women want nothing to do with the man’s process of becoming that way, and to be honest, if they try to help with that, they’ll do more harm than good. So they just stand at the finish line and choose the winners. If the man isn’t competent (i.e. game saavy), then it’s a red flag that he hasn’t reached the finish line and he isn’t ready-to-go. Women won’t waste their time on a man like that.

    We can thank God we found the Christian Manosphere! Otherwise, we’d still be wallowing in the matrix.

  8. @ Rock

    I have a question. In reading this, it makes me a little upset because i didn’t figure a lot of this Red Pill stuff out until my late 20s/early 30s. Part of this, I can blame on myself, because in reading the Bible, there’s already a lot of Red Pill Truth. But also…I was just straight up LIED TO. That’s what I don’t get. My dad, my step-father, mentioned none of these things to me and my brothers.

    And when our mom did talk to us about how to approach a woman, it was that old-school sentiments about being nice to her, shower her with compliments, and approach her like a gentlemen to ask for her number. I did that. Got a girl’s number AS she was telling me she already had a boyfriend. So i didn’t call and she promptly accused me of stalking her out to her car and creeping her out, that’s why she gave me the number.

    As we’ve talked about before, usually this was transmitted from fathers to sons in the past. Either that or there were societal systems (e.g. YMCA, boy scouts, Church) where boys could get quality time with stronger male mentors/father figures.

    However, many/most of these things were dismantled by feminists, and if it wasn’t passed on then you get whatever society says now which is BS.

    So essentially, my question is how do women expect us to know these things if the information isn’t open and available, our blue-pilled peers tell us we’re wrong, and then we’re gas-lit into doubting what we’re observing for ourselves.

    Most women don’t understand this, only how it makes them feel when a man is like that or not like that. Only when women are taught that it takes men to teach boys how to be men (and aren’t feminists/trans/etc and actually agree with this statement).

    Be thankful that you found out though. Some men never find out until they get divorced raped like many men in the
    sphere, and some of the divorce husbands never find out and commit suicide instead.

    Once you know it’s on you to know and learn more and hopefully as you learn and grow apply it by discipling and teaching other young men in the Church if that’s an area of your ministry focus.

  9. Oscar says:

    @ RK

    So essentially, my question is how do women expect us to know these things if the information isn’t open and available, our blue-pilled peers tell us we’re wrong, and then we’re gas-lit into doubting what we’re observing for ourselves.

    The same way women expect us to read their minds. They don’t actually think about any of this. There’s no reason, or logic to it. If you point out to them (as I have) the obvious reality that you get more of what you want if you actually tell people what you want, instead of expecting people to read your mind, you get two reactions.

    First, they get this dumfounded look on their face that clearly communicates the fact that it’s never occurred to them.

    Then, they regroup and say something like “but I shouldn’t have to tell them what I want!”

    See what I meant when I said that “I shouldn’t have to” is an effeminate response?

    Anyway, my response to that is, “look, I don’t read minds. It’s never going to happen. You don’t like it? Tough.”

    They usually try to argue, to which I respond “this isn’t an argument. There’s nothing you can do to change this. I don’t read minds, and I never will.”

    With previous girlfriends, that caused them to leave. With my wife, after many years of marriage, she finally started to be more direct about what she wants.

    The point is that you can’t expect women to be reasonable, or logical about this stuff. It’ll never happen, just like me reading minds will never happen. Life would be a hell of a lot simpler if it was possible to reason with women, but it isn’t (with rare exceptions), so it’s better to accept that reality and just deal with it as it is.

    That’s just one of the ways you have to deal with women. You’re never going to “just know” everything. That’s impossible. So, when she complains about it, you don’t argue with her. You don’t try to reason with her. You don’t try to change her mind. You just say, “I don’t read minds, and I never will”, preferably with a shrug, and walk off. Maybe she’ll eventually get it. Maybe she won’t.

    Either way, you stand firm.

  10. feeriker says:

    Oscar on April 24, 2022 at 5:22 pm

    One of the main reasons why women are so vague and circuitous in making their wants known is that they damned well know, even if only subconsciously, that much of what they want is either unreasonable or impossible. They simply lack the adult emotional or intellectual DNA to realize and deal with that.

  11. @ Oscar

    Anyway, my response to that is, “look, I don’t read minds. It’s never going to happen. You don’t like it? Tough.”

    I prefer something along the lines of:

    “Welcome to adulthood where you have a responsibility to communicate effectively with other people.”

    Also may add:

    “If you can’t communicate effectively with someone who loves you (me), then how are you going to do it well with other people who don’t love you?”

  12. Oscar says:

    @ DS

    Some men’s wits are sharp, like a rapier. I’m blunt, like a sledge hammer. We each have to do what works best for us.

  13. Pingback: It is the mission which gives authority | Christianity and masculinity

  14. Pingback: » Women want men to “just get it” and how that plays into submission Deep Strength

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