Is it possible for a woman to be too godly?

This question came up on the discord, and it’s worth exploring.

There’s another quality that I’m ambivalent about. Is it possible for a woman to be too godly (when dating)?

The true answer is no, but most people misinterpret this.

A true godly woman (with great character, humility, etc.) will respect and submit. Albeit, sometimes needs some prompting and sometimes slips up but will get back on track.

However, what tends to occur in reality is that women can easily let FALSE HUMILITY and PRIDE get in the way of actual HUMILITY. They think they are better than the man/husband because they are reading the Bible more, praying more, going to Church more, or more of whatever “spiritual” things. However, doing more spiritual things does not make you more godly — it’s obedience to God that makes someone godly. Thus, they fall into a place of disrespect, contentiousness, and rebellion, but think they are actually doing the right thing. Very insidious.

In other words, a woman cannot be too godly for a man (as a true godly woman will respect and submit even to an unbeliever… e.g. 1 Peter 3), but a woman who believes they are more godly than the man usually falls into the trap of pride and false humility. She would actually disobey the Bible’s teachings such as 1 Peter 3 and usually starts tearing down her own relationship and marriage thinking she is better than him.

Not only women fall into this trap, but many Christians men can fall into this trap as well. I’ve heard things like “she’s too godly for me” or “she’s too godly for him.” Godliness is not a comparison game. It’s obedience to the Lord, and one can never be too obedient to God despite whatever circumstance they are in.

However, it’s also true that a woman who is actually trying to obey God and spending a lot of time in spiritual disciplines would also probably more easily submit to and respect a man who has put a lot of time into obeying God and his own walk with Christ including the spiritual disciplines as well.

This is also true in various other circumstances. For instance, in False humility is insidious and shallowness is false humility I explored some of the other trappings of this.

Another one of the big areas of false humility with wives who actually want to obey their husbands is they read so many “Christian books” about how they’re supposed to do certain things to submit to their husband when in reality they should be asking their husband about how they want to submit. Then when they do these various “things” trying to make their husband happy and he is not she gets all mad that she is trying and not succeeding. This anger is not a righteous one because she is actually following the books, blogs, podcasts, and whatever advice instead of following her husband’s lead. In other words, she is getting angry over her submitting to the books, blogs, podcasts, and other advice instead of her own husband.

In this way, a wife gets off track from actual submission to her husband and into obeying everyone else but her husband. However, since these “everyone else” sources is supposedly godly, she is duped into believing she is doing the right thing. Hence, the false humility because she thinks she is doing the right thing but she is not.

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8 Responses to Is it possible for a woman to be too godly?

  1. Pingback: » Is it possible for a woman to be too godly?

  2. Rock Kitaro says:

    I have a question (sorry if my questions are annoying!)…regarding the wife who’s quick to follow the advice and do the bidding of magazines in an attempt to “submit” to her husband…do you think some women go this route because deep down, there is this pride that she really never wants to allow herself to feel like she’s beneath him or inferior in anyway? Like, by following the advice of those “Christian” books, she’s still allowing herself to hold onto some kind of control or dominion? Almost like, “I’m going to do what you say, but only because I WANTED TO do what you say?” Does that make sense?

    Because when I debate some of these Christian sistahs I encounter, I sense that. “I’m not submitting to you! I’m submitting to Christ by submitting to you!” this kind of attitude.

  3. Bardelys the Magnificent says:

    Rock,

    That’s definitely part of it. It’s the women who say “I obey Jesus/the Bible” which is a Get Out of Jail Free Card to not submit to their husbands, because he’s not God. I actually messaged a girl a while back who pulled this stunt. I jokingly told her to trust me on some tibit we were talking about and she spouts “I only trust the Lord!” Yeah, she’s going to use God whenever she can to get out from under obedience.

  4. locustsplease says:

    Rock I hear the opposite. I submit to Jesus so dam hard, so hard I just cannot listen to a worldly man. Except when I’m Chad’s sexual pet but that’s what Jesus is for with no judgment endless forgiveness and no standards ever. This worldly man wants sex gross! And someone to clean his dishes I’m sure Jesus would wash dishes all night and vacuum.

    While the women keeps the house hold together emotionally just like God that’s their only job as our diety.

  5. @ Rock

    I have a question (sorry if my questions are annoying!)…regarding the wife who’s quick to follow the advice and do the bidding of magazines in an attempt to “submit” to her husband…do you think some women go this route because deep down, there is this pride that she really never wants to allow herself to feel like she’s beneath him or inferior in anyway? Like, by following the advice of those “Christian” books, she’s still allowing herself to hold onto some kind of control or dominion? Almost like, “I’m going to do what you say, but only because I WANTED TO do what you say?” Does that make sense?

    From my experience it’s a case by case basis.

    When I’ve pointed this out there are some wives who stop doing it and go ask their husbands. There are others who make excuses though.

    Obviously, what really matters is the heart of the woman in question. Is she truly trying to obey God? Then she will listen to the godly advice. If she’s just trying to get the get-out-of-submission free card then she’s going to make some excuse to justify her rebellion.

  6. Michael says:

    One thing I’ve struggled with is clarifying what godliness is, precisely. Most Christians have a sense of what it means, yet I’ve asked a few to define “godliness” clearly and they struggled with it.

    I eventually concluded it means “to be like God, to imitate Him”. And what is God like? The best answer can be found in God’s description of Himself in Exodus 34:5-8, and the fruits of the Spirit list in Galatians 5.

  7. Sharkly says:

    “to be like God, to imitate Him”

    Epistle of “Mathetes” to Diognetus, from Chapter 10: … How will you love Him who has first so loved you? And if you love Him, you will be an imitator of His kindness. And do not wonder that a man may become an imitator of God. He can, if he is willing. For it is not by ruling over his neighbors, or by seeking to hold the supremacy over those that are weaker, or by being rich, and showing violence towards those that are inferior, that happiness is found; nor can any one by these things become an imitator of God. But these things do not at all constitute His majesty. On the contrary he who takes upon himself the burden of his neighbor; he who, in whatsoever respect he may be superior, is ready to benefit another who is deficient; he who, whatsoever things he has received from God, by distributing these to the needy, becomes a god to those who receive [his benefits]: he is an imitator of God.

  8. Ame says:

    DS – another insight into ‘Christian books’ and women …

    with the beginning of ‘women’s ministry’ in churches came the explosion of female authors writing Bible study books. this caused a huge shift from Bible studies simply being about studying the Bible – bring your Bible and a notebook if you want to take notes … to we all have to purchase this Bible study workbook that accompanies the Bible study videos the church has purchased and the Bible study guide for the ‘facilitator’ of the Bible study – all of which were written by women.

    no longer was it ‘okay’ for women to simply open their Bibles together and start reading. now they had to purchase all these things and follow them for it to be a true and legit Bible study.

    what this did was make the female authors of these Bible studies the gods. so whatever ‘she’ said was now true. it’s also made a lot of them quite wealthy, in the name of God, of course.

    this is no different from many male preachers and male authors. people will often say things like, “Preacher Man said this, so therefore it’s true.”

    what this has done is make the people the authority rather than God and the Bible the authority. i’m not saying commentaries and Bible teachers are not good – there are some excellent ones out there.

    but what this has done is make people dependent on the books and commentaries rather than on reading and praying and discerning the scriptures through the Holy Spirit themselves. they’ve become a crutch … and a popular one, at that, making the one who can call out the name of the book and author better than the one who cannot or doesn’t.

    isn’t it interesting that Satan has used Christian books and authors, including some really good ones who are accurate, crutches and excuses for not actually reading the Bible. clever devil, he is. the Bible is the only living book giving us life and living water, yet we shy away from reading it, finding it easier to read someone else’s take on the Bible rather than the Bible itself.

    i’ve been asked to write a book/books about various topics over the years, and this is one of the reasons why i’ve shied away from that (and also i don’t believe God has told me to, at least not so far). i’d rather direct women to the Bible and hear them say, “I read the Bible, and it says …,” than to hear them say, “I read Ame’s book, and she says … .” my late Mentor would take me verse-by-verse through the Bible, and she’d tell me every time, “Do not take my word for it. Read the Bible for yourself and make sure you let the Bible prove itself.”

    if a woman is truly ‘godly’ (not a term i care for much), then she’s one who reads the Bible and listens to the Holy Spirit, and that is a very humbling place to be, not one of being better than another, ever.

    btw – i know the term ‘godly’ is used in some translations, but does anyone know if it’s a direct translation from the Hebrew or Greek? just curious.

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