Bardelys the Magnificent posted this video in one of the comments:
There’s a young chap on YouTube named Casey Zander, who put out a video outlining the things women won’t tell you. Honestly, one of the best videos I’ve ever seen. The gist is this: women want to submit to a dominant frame, but since they have no idea how to create that for themselves, they can’t articulate what that looks like. They just know it when they see it, which is why they can say with a straight face they want one thing and go after another. They don’t know how the sausage is made, they just know if it tastes good (pun intended?) so if you ask them if they prefer certain ingredients or methods they’ll agree with you, then choose the one they want. They have no clue, so it’s up to men to figure out our masculine identity and invite a woman to join. If she rejects you, next.
I wouldn’t really say it’s things women don’t want you to know about or necessarily won’t tell you. However, they do generally expect these things out of men unknowingly as these things tend to satisfy their hypergamy.
The basic summary is:
- How to be a man – “he just gets it,” knows what “safe” means, turned on when she’s told what to do, admission into his frame.
- How to outwit her – Proactive vs reactive, too much investment, weakens masculinity
- What she’s thinking – knows his job, cares less about what she’s thinking, no longer own mental point of reference, focused on her rather than on his mission
- Dominance is her polar opposite – male aggression is sex, ties to belief set, decisive, subconscious frame control
- Command arousing presence – ability to say no more than yes, not sex focused, words matter, be direct.
I think the points are a bit poorly worded, but he does explain them fairly well.
My summary given Biblical terms would be:
- Knows what his roles and responsibility for relationships/marriage are and does them (point 1). This naturally makes a man be a man because he knows that he is supposed to be the head/leader and acts like it. This includes things like being a protector and provider.
- Establishes and maintains natural order (points 2 and 3). A woman’s hypergamy is built in. It has the capacity to go haywire, but all women exhibit it to some degree. If you are in a relationship with a woman you need to be able to recognize when her hypergamy is rearing its head and maintain God’s order in the relationship and focus on God’s mission. Related: Christian masculinity, mindset, and fitness testing. Adam failed this by listening to Eve rather than God.
- Masculine traits must shine to maintain polarity in relationships (point 4). If a man starts to act less masculine — with masculine type traits being independent, assertive, strength, courage, leadership, etc. — then in most cases the woman will become more and more dissatisfied as well as potentially try to pick up the slack. A man must maintain strong masculinity in order to have good polarity with femininity. Avoid women who respond to masculinity with masculinity themselves (e.g. strong independent women who don’t need no man) instead of femininity. The masculine-feminine polarity creates sexual tension.
- Men are made not born and why discipleship/mentoring is important (point 5). “Presence” is more or less a combination of the rest of the 3, but how a man generally matures into a leadership role over time. Think of the pastor who has been giving sermons for 1 year versus 20-30. The skill of public speaking, leadership, and consistently doing it with a lot of people through the years. As one gets better at it, one can better discern things with more simplicity and respond correctly with nuance and cut to the chase. Women love competence.
Generally speaking, the various attractive traits (PSALM), masculinity, and leadership, and all such things are learned over time. This is why it’s important for men to be on God’s mission. Better younger than older, but the more time practiced the better things will be.
How can you lead a woman spiritually if you don’t know what you believe? Getting into the Word and the various spiritual disciplines in earnest helps to build that foundation. How easy is asking out a woman when you have regular spoken with people about the gospel and been discipled or have started discipling others?
There’s obviously many more like these, but I think the points are fairly clear. Even many of the RP proponents have discerned that Mission is important and not putting women first is the most successful. Doing what the Bible says we should be doing builds a lot of the skills and leadership qualities that it takes to be successful with women. If only most Churches actually preached that to men.