Since I’m a bit backed up on too many tabs, going to cover all of these in a couple shots then get down to similar topics as Jack.
Marriage appears to be a dying institution that fewer couples are choosing. Year after year, couples who marry are increasingly becoming a unique group compared to their peers. A recently published study suggests that perhaps, more than ever before, marriage is becoming a relationship status tightly tied to a dwindling religious sub-population in the United States. While some may look at these findings and feel mostly apathetic at the potential death of an institution, there are many important reasons gleaned from recent social science research to be concerned about these trends.
Basically, more young adults and such don’t believe in marriage. Probably bad examples from their parents. Increasingly it’s looking like prolonged singlehood and cohabitation are the primary selections. Marriage is being more confined to middle class-upper class and increasingly religious.
This has been explored in previous posts on spinsterhood predictions, but another study on it has ‘confirmed it’ so to speak.
Basically, for Christians this is actually a good thing and likely not a bad thing. The primary caveat is that we are able to model good marriages and families to our secular counterparts.
Clearly, though, this is part of the issue as probably most Christian Churches are not teaching God’s roles and responsibilities and generally catering to the culture which are some of the reasons why divorce is only somewhat lower than the secular counterparts.
There is opportunity for the Church, but they need to teach the Bible on this.
Mistake #1: Getting Too Comfortable
Mistake #2: Talking at the Wrong Time
Mistake #3: Failure to Make Time for Fun
The author is seemingly not a Christian, but he does have a wide reach according to his website.
From my work with more than five thousand couples over the past 18+ years, I am convinced 50% of marriage misery would be eliminated if couples just had a shared calendar.
Overall, these are just superficial things. If the underlying dynamic and foundation of the marriage is cracked, then addressing superficial things like this are just merely going to prolong the explosion/implosion of the marriage.
I would bust on him if he were a Christian and was giving this advice without even talking about the Bible, but it’s not the case with IFStudies that all the posters are Christian. Nevertheless, this is the type of crappy thing out there that makes it seem like you’re doing something to help your marriage, but isn’t actually going to solve the underlying problems in the long run.
Despite a prominent Christian presence, hookup culture is undoubtedly alive at the university. Most respondents were surprised by the casual boldness with which their peers discuss sex. They mentioned that many young men attend parties where “the whole goal is to get laid” and later banter competitively about their sexual exploits.
However, this behavior is not restricted to males. One sophomore described her first day in the dining hall freshman year where a group of girls “started comparing how many boys they’d slept with in high school.” Meanwhile, one senior recounted walking past a male dorm room and hearing one young lady proudly proclaim, “I’m the last one who had sex!” For an institution that claims to uphold the value of waiting for marriage, surely these stories are cause for concern.
In my own interviews, when I asked why students hook up, I consistently heard, “it’s the college experience,” confirming the precedence of the “party pathway” even at this Christian university. This disjunction between evangelical belief and behavior is consistent with David Ayers’ IFS findings on evangelical young adults’ sexual behavior before marriage, which showed that 51% of evangelical 18-22 year olds who attend church weekly have had premarital sex, and about 56% of young men and 54% of young women who say that their religious beliefs are “very important” have had premarital sex.
Sexual permissiveness is prevalent, even among Evangelical young adults, a finding that was confirmed in my interviews with Evangelical university students. In fact, I heard several stories about students partying, hooking up, and then going to church together the next morning. Whether this attendance was motivated by contrition, or a sense of self-justification, these students embody the sentiment expressed by one junior male: “socially speaking, the ideal Christian male at [this university] is both a partier and a churchgoer.”
To those of you concerned that your children are going to university, even Christian ones, is basically sending them off to be sexually immoral this should not surprise you. Lori Alexander was generally on the mark on that front on Christian virgins and advising them not attending college.
However, that said this generally agrees with the data on Christian virgins that I have looked at in the past which is probably around 30-40% of women in the 20-24ish age around are still virgins. So there is hope if you were holding out, but you probably need to be in the top 40% of men within the Church (which is not actually super hard perhaps?).
Overall, I think if you’re sending your kids to college then them living at home tends to be the best option if possible. Definitely having them still engaged with Church and likely Christian groups on campus. It’s more likely to be the case that they will flee sexual immorality with more Christians around them than surrounding themselves with worldly friends who want to have sex and party.
The relationship frustrations of women like these are rooted in a broader problem: They do not have a ready pool of good young men to date, partly because many of our nation’s young men are floundering as they make the transition from adolescence to young adulthood. This problem is visible in our schools, colleges and universities, and today’s marketplace. Young men are increasingly less likely than women to enroll in college and less likely than women to apply themselves even if they land in college; a growing number of them are also idle or underemployed as they move through their 20s.
Our “young men problem” is rooted in a range of factors — the rise of electronic opiates, which distract young men from education and work and have come to replace traditional avenues of social relations; the absence of models of pro-social masculinity that furnish norms for male engagement in school, work, and relationships as they move into adulthood; a culture that discounts commitment; and biological differences in rates of male and female maturation.
But a new report from the Institute for Family Studies, “Life Without Father,” suggests that another issue is in play. Too many boys have grown up in homes without engaged or present fathers, which has left them especially unprepared to navigate school, work, and relationships successfully.
Brad Wilcox’s latest boomer treatise on where have all the good men gone… when the problems are systemic. 60%+ of college and graduate students are female.
Waiting for the “conservative” articles that state the obvious:
- Schools are biased toward women
- Stop trying to push womens’ achievements to college and graduate school and push more men instead.
- Tell women stop being masculine and be more feminine.
- Tell women that they have to have something to offer men.
Of course, the latter are already being told men, but no responsibility is ever placed on the women.