I’ve been mulling over the equation, especially after Jack’s most recent comment on me endorsing it.
This is what I observed about female nature while writing about Feminine Submission back in October. It IS VERY WEIRD to men, until you understand why. My conclusion was that this is a necessary (or at least a concomitant) element of Validation — of women feeling loved and becoming fully satisfied with the relationship.
Validation = Domination + Defilement –> Humility + Ego Affirmation –> Her Feeling Loved
It’s a “medium” (Rollo’s word H/T: deti) that expresses the Dominance / Submission structure of Tingly Respect / Headship.
I was somewhat surprised that even Deep Strength confirmed this.
I think the important takeaway for Christian men is that they should not be pansies with their wives in the bedroom. Doing crazy stuff to her can increase sanctification. Of course, Scott’s addendum applies here, as elsewhere: “IF she thinks you’re hot…”
The other important takeaway (that is rather regrettable IMO) is that those of us who have experienced this in a past relationship (deti, Scott, and me included) are rue to discover only now (too late) that THIS is true Biblical Headship, and that we threw it away, not knowing what it was, nor the value of it — and worse, dismissing and rejecting her as weird, debased, defiled, low-class, unChristian, etc., which comes off as a form of punishment for her conforming to the Headship structure. Then only later in life, we slowly begin to understand that THIS is what constitutes a truly good relationship.
Also, his explanation on sanctification and defilement:
Here it should be noted that Sanctification and Defilement have many similarities, and the thing that sets them apart is the context. Sex sanctifies a woman to one man and defiles her to all others. Thus, sex contributes to sanctification within marriage and to defilement outside of it.
The main thing I’ve been mulling over is defilement/sanctification, and the reason for that is not all sex in marriage is sanctifying. There are frigid wives and occasionally husbands who are doing it transactionally. Additionally, for non married women we also don’t necessarily get the defiling nature outside of marriage, and women have been known for serial monogamy and man-hopping at least if she’s promiscious and “trying to find herself.”
Liberal women for as much as they decry the patriarchy are turned on the most by male domination and humiliation. Validational sex for these women could be one night stands as much as with a boyfriend or in marriage.
Defilement, at least in terms of validational sex, seems to be the feelings result of domination. In other words, domination over a woman makes her feel like she is possessed by an attractive man. This is the main turn on for women in romance novels/porn where a man who ticks all the boxes of hypergamy — PSALMs + masculinity — such as the dominant, confident, successful, masculine, leader wants to take her and have his way with her. Hence, she is made his.
It seems to me that this would slightly change the equation of Validational sex to a string of causal consequences. Domination generally only occurs if a man is able to trigger her hypergamy strong enough.
- Domination (before, during, and after sex)
- Feeling of being possessed
- Humility (he takes what is his) + Ego affirmation (he wants me) + defilement (she is his, and no other)
- Her feeling loved
Equation form: Validational sex = Domination (before, during, and after sex) –> Feeling of being possessed –> Humility (he takes what is his) + Ego affirmation (he wants me) + defilement (she is his, and no other) –> Her feeling loved
This is the reason why validational sex can create alpha widows is because of the aspect of defilement that is included with her feeling loved by that man, and not necessarily the true sanctification/defilement that is supposed to be only in marriage.
In other words, as Dalrock aptly pointed out, the feeling of love is what sanctifies marriage instead of the commitment and covenant of marriage. This leads to to the elevation of validational sex as marriage, and why women feel like they’re being violated (or being forced, raped, etc) when they are not attracted to their husbands.