Mastering the “domain” of women

I’ve been meaning to delve into this topic for a while now.

We’ve all heard the evolutionary schtick of men having physical dominance over women, but women, as the weaker sex, generally cannot fight men physically so they have to resort of what we would say is a war of words. For instance, women if they want to fight against women and men for that matter almost always use words to do it. They emotionally sabotage, blackmail, and otherwise aim to harm the reputation of those they consider enemies.

This is one area that the vast majority of men are bad at since women have vastly more practice from birth doing it with other women through elementary, middle, high school, and beyond.

Shaming tactics in particular are well used by the Church, feminists, and women against men and husbands. You see a slew of these come through with random female commenters every once in a while when we discuss female bad behavior. These are some of the examples from the link above:

Charge of Irascibility (Code Red)

Discussion: The target is accused of having anger management issues.  Whatever negative emotions he has are assumed to be unjustifiable.  Examples:“You’re bitter!”

Charge of Cowardice (Code Yellow)

Discussion: The target is accused of having an unjustifiable fear of interaction with women.  Examples: “You’re afraid of a strong woman!”

Charge of Hypersensitivity (Code Blue) – The Crybaby Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being hysterical or exaggerating the problems of men (i.e., he is accused of playing “Chicken Little”).  Examples:“Stop whining!”

Charge of Puerility (Code Green) – The Peter Pan Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male.  Examples:“You are so immature!”

Charge of Endangerment (Code Orange) – The Elevated Threat Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being a menace in some undefined manner.  This charge may be coupled with some attempt to censor the target.  Examples:“You guys are scary.”

Charge of Rationalization (Code Purple) – The Sour Grapes Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of explaining away his own failures and/or dissatisfaction by blaming women for his problems.  Example:“You are just bitter because you can’t get laid.”

Charge of Fanaticism (Code Brown) – The Brown Shirts Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of subscribing to an intolerant, extremist ideology or of being devoted to an ignorant viewpoint.  Examples:“You’re one of those right-wing wackos.”

Charge of Invirility (Code Lavender)

Discussion: The target’s sexual orientation or masculinity is called into question.  Examples:“Are you gay?”

Charge of Overgeneralization (Code Gray)

Discussion: The target is accused of making generalizations or supporting unwarranted stereotypes about women.  Examples:“I’m not like that!”

Charge of Misogyny (Code Black)

Discussion: The target is accused of displaying some form of unwarranted malice to a particular woman or to women in general. Examples:“Why do you hate women?”

I only listed 10 of these, but there are 6 more on the site. As you can see, we’ve all seen some form of these from women and men, though mostly dominated by women conversation.

The correct response to the vast majority of these is not to play, at least if you aren’t very good with words. Indeed, most of the PUA responses were built to take on charges like this with tactics such as agree and amplify, ignore, reframing, etc.

However, most manipulation and control tactics are actually a response to the insecurity of the person and their projection of their own insecurity onto what you are saying. Hence, why arguing is almost invariably a 100% wrong response. You can’t win an argument against the insecurities of another person. You need to dig and address those insecurities.

It is often the case that many of these responses come out of nowhere. In other words, if you’re on a topic and everyone is calm, but then there’s a disproportional response to something said. This typically means someone has some history with the topic and is insecure about it for whatever reason. If you want to help them resolve it you can — and usually at a later time when emotions are lower — ask them what seemed to provoke that type of response. Usually it’s something in their past with their family, friends, enemies, or whatever issues they haven’t resolved. Once they realize that they can work through it with Christian values forgiving if they need to forgive, prayer, meditation on the Word for the topic, and other things like fasting.

Yes, Jesus says to let our yes be yes and our no be no, but women more than men tend to struggle with this more often. Hence, that is one of the ways husbands can call out their wives to sanctification.

Women tend to have more than just 1 layer of communication and prefer indirect and vagueness so as to maintain plausible deniability, so understanding this and developing your communication repertoire to understanding this aspect of women can help to connect better with them. This is similar to reading body language, but much less emphasized or talked about.

This is why flirting with sexual innuendos with women tends to be preferred by women rather than just flat out asking about sex. Sex is implied and it’s a little secret between you two.

Most men who have very good charisma with women very good at picking up all of the cues that women pick up from each other. Hence, mastery of what would be traditionally a “woman’s domain” yields good results.

Overall, if you want to connect better with women you need to start learning and mastering the “domain of women.” This will assist you in regard to:

  • It will help you understand women at a better level
  • It will help in understanding and diffusing arguments and when you should avoid some particular areas of discussion
  • It will help with understanding how to help women with their sanctification in Christ – Eph 5.
  • It will help you be more “understanding of your wife as the weaker vessel” – 1 Peter 3.
  • It will help you flirt better and get sex on her mind, and it’s more enjoyable for you both so you don’t have to press for sex.

This is one of least talked about topics, but one of the most important you can learn. Obviously, I’m no master but I understand and can apply enough to be reasonably effective in a lot of situations with my wife now.

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2 Responses to Mastering the “domain” of women

  1. Pingback: On Public Education 8: The Great Books? | okrahead

  2. Pingback: The Battle for Headship begins on the Home Turf | Σ Frame

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