So, as a man, you gathered your courage and asked an attractive woman out. In fact, you suspect that if she does say no because she is a nice Christian woman that she will respond with the time old “let’s just be friends.”
Typically, the response that most players/PUAs will tell you is just to say no thanks or let the conversation fizzle out and then next her. These responses aren’t necessarily a bad thing to do, but the intention behind it is selfish, so they tend to end up coming off unkind.
As Christian mascunline men we are called at all times to kindness, a fruit of the Spirit, as we walk with God. With that in mind, it is important to frame all of our interactions with women with graciousness, even though she may not be interested in us. We know that she is, as a fellow sister in Christ, still a creation of God and we want to treat her right.
With any social interaction there are a couple of key points. If it’s something such as public speaking (which conversations are) it’s always good to have a plan, especially for the worst case scenario.
After much thought and prayer and action, my personal favorite response to “Let’s just be friends” is the following because it is a win-win for both you and the woman if she actually is not interested in you.
- Her: “Let’s just be friends…”
- You: “I’m fine with that, but can I ask for a favor instead?
- Her: “What?” or “Maybe…”
- You: “Will you introduce me to your other single Christian friends” or if you have a specific one in mind then “Will you introduce to me to your single friend [name] instead“
Or preferably, if you know she is single,
- “Will you introduce me to your other single Christian friends… [and if I know of any Christian men who I think you might be interested I will let you know too.]“
- “Will you introduce me to your other single Christian friends… [and you have a Christian man you’re interested in I’ll introduce you or facilitate your interest.]“
Key point: don’t say it with the tone of voice as a question but just a statement. You’re asking for her help, but a statement is more open ended and not demanding which will more likely make her to acquiesce.
This type of interaction does multiple things on a behind the scenes level which is beneficial for all of those involved.
- First, you come off agreeable which will quell her anxiety. Women don’t like being put on the spot and having to reject men.
- Second, you act non-needy and non-bitter, which should raise or keep her respect of you up which plays into her potentially wanting to help you out.
- Third, you’re offering an gracious exchange here. Obviously, she will most likely have some men she may be interested in and your ability to transition away from your interest in her and help her interests will put you in a favorable light.
- Fourth, because you ask for her help in meeting other singles she knows, you avoid the trap of “a Christian man asks one woman out from a group and it gets around to all of the other girls so they reject him when he asks because she was their ‘second choice’” because you enlist her aid before she has a chance to talk to her other girlfriends about it.
This is actually a win-win-win for everyone involved. You offer will help her if she is interested in a man, she can introduce you to other women who may be interested in you with preselection, and the group will have overall improved introductions to each other.
Remember this: Even though you may not “get what you want” you should always remind yourself that your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as also looking for a marriage partner as well.
With this type of interaction you help to start to bridge the gaps between male and female interest not just for yourself for everyone in that Church or small group setting.
If she declines or is snarky then you know she wasn’t a good choice in the first place and you may need to refine your filters. Still, be gracious even if she goes nuclear. “I’m sorry you feel that way” tends to work well.
Rejection is never an end all be all. In fact, one of the most important points is to see rejection as an opportunity. As a Christian man you’re looking for one woman as a wife, so if it’s not that one then you need to continue your search.
The main point is that as a Christian is that you have limited amount of ability to approach women to find a wife. However, if you enlist others in the faith to help you find a spouse that will greatly expedite the process. Helping your brothers and sisters in Christ is also another beneficial bonus on top of that and will help build your relationships with others even if they are not the one you are to marry.