Christian marriage components

I’ve been viewing this discussion on the components of Christian marriage on Donal’s post. The fact that we have to call it “Christian marriage” in the first place is bad. Marriage is created by God and defined by God. Hence, all Christian marriage is just marriage. But that’s a topic that has been beaten ad nausium.

Let’s start with marriage. Creating a marriage is multi-factorial.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

The original marriage is a framework. It tells us important components of what a marriage, which are namely:

  1. Father giving the daughter to the man — God giving Eve to Adam
  2. Separating from family(s) — leaving father and mother [to make an independent family unit]
  3. Coming together [to be with and live with] — joined to his wife
  4. Having sex — becoming one flesh
  5. In the presence of witnesses [traditionally with a wedding celebration] — in this case, Father/Jesus/Spirit and potentially angels.

Now, there are examples from the Scriptures where some of these components are missing, but ideally you want all of these to make up a marriage given our example from Genesis 2. Note: no marriage license is required, although God says to obey the laws of your nation (which, I concede is debatable given that other forms of non man-woman marriage is now lumped in with that).

Marriage components

Marriage has roles and responsibilities.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church [q]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she [r]respects her husband.

Obviously, Ephesians 5 exhorts a large chunk of them, but additional ones are found in 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Corinthians 11, 1 Corinthians 14, Colossians 3, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3, 1 Timothy 4, and so on. The OT also provides solid guidelines such as Numbers 30 and other passages on treatment of husbands and wives in marriages.

It is important to note that this these things are God’s framework for marriage. These are things we want to do if we want to glorify God with our marriage and sanctify ourselves, which as Christians we should be aiming toward. Those who ignore these roles and responsibilities are not being sanctified and not glorifying God.

Yes, an egalitarian marriage may be, for all intents and purposes, “successful” according to human metrics and even some others like no divorce. However, that does not mean they are glorifying God or sanctifying themselves through adherence to God’s law. This is extremely important to remember, as I’m sure many of us know many marriages that are egalitarian or even non-Christian that that we are uncomfortable with because they “work.”

Just because they seemingly “work” does not mean they are holy or glorify God.

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must [a]fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and [b]come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7 [c]Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

In regard to marriage, properly, there is an Eros component.

  1. For those who burn, it is generally better to marry. If you burn then celibacy is probably not for you.
  2. Sex is an integral component of marriage, both for the husband and the wife. They owe each other a marital debt, which should be regularly paid. The exception being mutual agreement for prayer and only for a short time.

Although cultural marriage today is largely hedonic in nature, it would be false to say that marriage, according to the Scripture, lacks a eros/hedonic component. In fact, from the beginning and even today God has created marriage to be the way in which our sexual desire is holy and therefore made manifest to glory God through its particular fruits: pleasure, well-being, unity, and procreation.

This is why it is gnostic heresy to dismiss physical attractiveness and other components of created human nature such as sexual desire as many Christians do including FotF’s Boundless and commenters. In fact, the Scriptures make an adequate case that marriage is an earthly construct meant for earthly purposes, and all are to glorify God.

Eros is an integral part of marriage as God created it. Therefore, trying to draw a distinction of “how much eros/hedonic is needed” as opposed to other components such as hierarchy and roles and responsibilities in marriage is futile exercise. This is like trying to tear the body away from the mind, soul, and spirit. You can’t do it, nor would you want to. They’re all parts that are integrated as one magnificently by God.

The eros responsibility

This is why I have been fairly clear in my writing that attraction and desire are important components of marriage. Those who try to downplay it tend to fall prey to gnostic heresy like asceticism where human desires such as sex should be shed as some form of enlightenment and/or godliness. Is eros the only component? Certainly not. We’ve talked about many of the other components of marriage such as the structural hierarchy and roles and responsibilities. However, all of these things need to come together as one.

One Christian may want a “larger” eros component of marriage than another. This glorifies God, if the component is used correctly: paying the marital debt. Another Christian may consider a “smaller” eros component the ideal for their marriage. This too glorifies God, if the component is used correctly: paying the marital debt. Both of these are good and glorify God.

It is important to note that it is not your marital debt that needs to be fulfilled, it is the other spouse’s marital debt to which you have an obligation. Their responsibility is to you, and your responsibility is to them. This is why I believe it is important to talk to your potential spouse about their sex drive, so that you are aware of their marital debt which is your obligation is marriage.

It is a mistake to believe that those who have a larger eros component in their marriage are in sin just as it is to believe those who have a smaller eros component in their marriage are in sin. Likewise, it is also a mistake to believe that the eros component reflects on the other roles and responsibilities of marriage. What glorifies God for the eros component is selflessness to fulfill the marital debt. Nothing else.

This should make intuitive sense now that you have heard it, but it is not the common line of thought for Christians. The eros component of marriage is the marital debt. Can you fulfill that with respect? No. Can you fulfill it with with headship? No. Can you fulfill it with submission? No. Submission to having sex, yes. Specific components of marriage must be fulfilled by that specific act.

For the marital debt, the only thing that fulfills it is sex.


I think it should be abundantly clear now how there is an eros component of marriage which is integral to the marriage as a whole. The desire for sex cannot be separated out from the various components of marriage such as the hierarchy or other roles and responsibilities.

A larger or smaller eros component is up to the individual. What glorifies God is not whether this component is large or small. Rather, what glorifies God is that you are selfless in satisfying the marital debt of your husband or wife. If it is large then satisfy it with much sex. If it is small, satisfy it with some sex. Ensure that your husband or wife is satisfied.

Likewise, one cannot fulfill any of the other roles and responsibilities of marriage without expressly targeting the goal set forth in the Scriptures. For example, husbands are to emulate Christ to wash and his bride by the water of the word to sanctify and cleanse her so that she may be spotless and blameless. This may mean exhorting her on Scripture for head coverings, even if she doesn’t like them. This may mean pointing out opinions that are influenced by culture or sin in order to give her the the opportunity to obey and repent to God to become [more] holy. It’s a process of taking off the old and putting on the new.

These are the things that glorify God and make us more like Him, even though they are difficult, painful, and feel like persecution. This has been the recent case of men who have wives that are disobedient to their husband’s admonition with the Scriptures. The responsibility of the husband is fulfilled by making clear the commands of God, which brings glory to God through completing the task assigned to him. Any further rebellion is on her own head and not his.

At the end of the day, it’s not about us. It’s about Jesus. Being privy to each component of Scripture set before us — marriage components if applicable — allows us to glorify God in our actions by completing the task he has set before us. To that He says: ‘Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your [c]master.’

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Head coverings

This is something that both Moose and Cane have discussed before in multiple different posts (which I can’t all find at the moment), but I’m going to go over it a bit too.

1 Corinthians 11:1 Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.

2 Now I praise you because you remember me in everything and hold firmly to the traditions, just as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that [a]Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of [b]Christ. 4 Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head. 5 But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for she is one and the same as the woman [c]whose head is shaved. 6 For if a woman does not cover [d]her head, let her also [e]have her hair cut off; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to [f]have her hair cut off or [g]her head shaved, let her cover [h]her head. 7 For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 8 For man [i]does not originate from woman, but woman from man; 9 for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.

10 Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11 However, in the Lord, neither is woman [j]independent of man, nor is man [k]independent of woman. 12 For as the woman [l]originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things [m]originate from God. 13 Judge [n]for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? 14 Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him, 15 but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her for a covering. 16 But if one is inclined to be contentious, we have no [o]other practice, nor have the churches of God.

The key points of this passage are:

  • Paul urges the Corinthians to act as he does as he imitates Christ.
  • There is a hierarchy of authority: God > Christ > man > woman
  • Men who prophesy or pray with their head covered are disgraced, but women who prophesy or pray without their head covered are disgraced (and it is if as their heads are shaved).
  • The reason for this is not just from an authority perspective, but also a creation order perspective.
  • The symbol of [being under] authority is because of the angels (as an angel is assigned to each Church to watch over it: Revelations 2-3)
  • Repeating that it’s a disgrace for covering a man’s head, and disgrace for an uncovered woman’s head. Long hair is a glory to a woman, much like a head covering.
  • Tells us that this is a practice of the Churches of God. It is not solely to the Corinthian Church and thus the culture of the Corinthian Church but of all of God’s Churches. It’s universal.

There’s a lot of commentary on this passage and a lot of debate. There is some cultural context to this in terms of prostitution and not covering the head.

The argument from creation order on head coverings is similar to women not being able to teach or have authority over men in 1 Timothy 2. Conveniently, this is also one of the “culturally relevant” passages that many “liberal” Churches like to explain away.

It is universally “disgraceful” for women to have short hair. This is no coincidence. While outward appearances may be disgraceful, outward appearance is not everything. In fact, 1 Peter 3 states beauty in wives is not merely outward but inward. To win unbelieving husbands a wife should have chaste and respectful behavior, a gentle and quiet spirit, and submit to her husband. Such methods and actions outwardly show her respect and submission. It makes sense then that head coverings are likewise an outward expression of a symbol of [being under] authority as chaste and respectful behavior, a gentle and quiet spirit, and submissiveness is to an unbelieving husband.

Indeed, the symbol of being under authority is to her own husband and God. It is a form of outwardly honoring the principles of godly living in Christ Jesus. Not only that, but because of the angels [of each church] as they are also under the authority of God and are commissioned by God to judge our obedience. For example,

Revelation 3:14 “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:

The Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the [k]Beginning of the creation of God, says this: 15 ‘I know your deeds, thalmostat you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. 16 So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will [l]spit you out of My mouth. 17 Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,” and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, 18 I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. 21 He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”

Are the Scriptures only culturally relevant or is it timeless Truth?

If they’re only “culturally relevant” then what’s the point? We can just pick and choose what we want to obey in the Bible. Picking and choosing what you want to obey is the modicum of almost everyone who calls themselves Christians in the Western hemisphere. Oh, don’t want to go to Church? I guess I’ll only go when I feel like it. Oh, don’t want to obey my husband? Guess I won’t. Oh, I want a divorce but the Bible says not to… well, there were irreconcilable differences so God wants me to leave.

Indeed, the Scripture itself in v16 speaks that this is not “culturally relevant” [to the Corinthians] but a practice of all of the Churches of God in all of the various cultures that they were in from: Judea, to Africa, to Asia Minor, to Greece, to Italy and everywhere a Church was planted by the Apostles. The practice of head coverings to show proper submission to authority was and is still universal for the Church.

The simple truth about the matter is that head coverings were practiced in every Church, even in the West, until perhaps 70-100ish years ago. As the Church became much more infected by the culture, this practice has become non-PC, odd, weird, and whatever “negative” attribute you want to call it. Hence, it has stopped being practice in most Churches. However, this is not a reason not to follow the commands of Scripture. Following the commands of Scripture are often difficult, uncomfortable, and un-PC. Women being outwardly submissive to authority? Definitely un-PC.

Is it no surprise that in our individualistic and rebellious culture that we have gotten rid of symbols of submission to authority?

In any case, I discussed this previously with my girl a year or so ago, and I have recently discussed it with her again. Apparently, she didn’t remember that we discussed it. She doesn’t like it (at least at first), but will do it if I ask her to. I let her know that it will be something that I require in marriage, not because I am asking her to but as Christians we want to be in alignment with God’s Word. It is also clear that head coverings as an outward symbol of [being under] authority can be an excellent witnessing tool for believers to lukewarm Christians, especially in our individualistic and rebellious culture.

The thing about being obedient is that we don’t have to like it at first. It’s great if we do, but much of the time when we are tasked with being obedient to God we don’t like it at first. But we have faith and trust God that as we are obedient to His commands that He will be gracious to us and help us cultivate the right attitude and heart.

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Grace, mercy, and Christian perception of sin

One of the things that irks me about the modern necropolis (e.g. churchianity) is the reference to innocence and flawlessness — I’m looking at you MercyMe, although they are not the only Christian band to do this — in regard to being believers and children of God.

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

The grace — unmerited favor — given to us is the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of our sins. Accepted grace given to us results in mercy — the just judgment of God against our sins does not count against us.

In other words, you’re guilty of sins. You deserve punishment for them. The verdict of  a Just and Righteous God against our sins is a guilty verdict. The wages of sin is death. However, by accepting the grace given to us by God, the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, we obtain mercy where our sins are not eternally held against us.

This doesn’t make us innocent or flawless! We still sinned and by extension are guilty, and we still need to ask for forgiveness of our sin. What this means is that we are not condemned in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life [a]in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, [b]weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of [c]sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

9 However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. 10 If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is [d]alive because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies [e]through His Spirit who dwells in you.

The problem with doctrine and songs such as these is that they give us a false perception of grace and mercy.

If, by grace, we are innocent and flawless then there is no need to repent of our sins when we do them. There is no need for mercy because we are not guilty. However, we know that we are sinful and still make mistakes. We always need to be ready to apologize and repent of the sins that we commit, even though we are in Christ and desire to walk in obedience to His commands.

This is the true thrust of the Christian walk.

  • We still make mistakes, and we still need forgiveness. We need to be able to acknowledge when we sin and repent. Even though we are guilty and deserve punishment, we are not condemned to the punishment (e.g. wages of sin is death). And that is a reason for peace and joy in Christ.
  • We strive to set our minds on Christ so that we walk into completeness and perfection like God. We aim to continue to mature spiritually, so that we take off the old which is being corrupted by deceitful desires and put on the new in true righteousness and holiness. As we become more like Christ, we learn to more consistently Love one another like Jesus has loved us and resist/flee from temptation.

As you can see, it’s very easy for us to fall prey to ‘fast and loose’ theology, especially in modern Christian songs. By all accounts, MercyMe is one of the better bands out there in regard to adhering to sound doctrine, but even they make mistakes which can throw people off.

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Divorce advocates are the same as egalitarians

When I say divorce advocates I mean the people — Christians or otherwise — who try to advocate that the exception clause in Matthew 5 and Matthew 19 mean that a husband can divorce his wife if she commits adultery. I’ve already outlined the total case from the Scriptures on why this is false in On divorce Part 4.

What Jesus actually says is two separate statements:

  • Don’t divorce period (v6): “What God has put together let man not separate”
  • You can put away if there was fraud (v9): “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”). This refers to Deut 22 where there was an invalid covenant marriage if the wife was supposed to be a virgin but was not. In other words, you can put away (without a writ of divorce) if there was deception because it formed an invalid marriage.

This is not difficult to understand given the whole context of the Scriptures by textual analysis and overarching theme. This unifies all of the Scriptures on putting away and divorce (putting away + writ of divorce) with each other: Deut 22, Deut 24, Jeremiah 3, Isaiah 50, Malachi 2, Matthew 5, Matthew 19, Mark 10, Luke 16, Romans 7, 1 Corinthians 5, 1 Corinthians 7, and the case of Joseph and Mary.

In comparison to the egalitarians

Egalitarians hang their argument mainly on two specific versus:

  • Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
  • Ephesians 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

However, there are many other passages in the Scriptures such as 1 Cor 11, Col 3, Tit 2, 1 Peter 3 that state wives should submit to their husbands. They radically ignore most of the other Scriptures to hang onto a fringe opinion.

Additionally, the egalitarians try to reinterpret words like headship to mean ‘source’ instead of an authoritative position. The divorce advocates try to reinterpret “put away” to mean “divorce” and “fornication” to mean “adultery” when the Scriptures never do that.

  • Pharisees said: Matthew 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
  • Jesus said: Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
  • What Jesus would have said, if He meant you could divorce for adultery: Matthew 19:9 Whosoever shall put away AND GIVE A WRIT OF DIVORCE TO his wife, except it be for ADULTERY, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

It is logically incoherent to hang on to the meaning that fornication means adultery because Jesus would have used the word adultery if he meant adultery. Plus, this means that Jesus would have agreed with the Pharisees’ initial statement. Jesus never agrees with the Pharisees. The disciples response affirms that Jesus was not agreeing with the Pharisees: Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. In other words, if you can’t divorce period then it’s better not to marry.

This is not to mention what the apostles and early Church fathers taught on marriage, which is no divorce period and there is no putting away unless there was an invalid marriage (like 1 Cor 5). They’re the ones who understood this passage directly from the mouth of Jesus.

Likewise, the early Church did not permit women in leadership positions, and men were the head of their families.


The Word Jesus gives is logically clear (paraphrased):

  • v6: Don’t divorce period.
  • v9: Deception and/or illicit sexual unions don’t form a valid covenant [marriage]. (Deception: Deut 22; Incest: 1 Cor 5).

I’ve gone through four iterations of the “On divorce” outlining the total case, and every time it’s the same old Pharisaical hard heartedness on this passage. The divorce advocates are like the egalitarians. They twist Scripture to fit what they want.

It’s a hard, hard, hard, hard Word. Even the disciples agreed that it was an insane Word: If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

Let’s not fool ourselves that divorce in a valid covenant marriage is ever the right thing, even if a spouse commits adultery. Jesus never permits divorce for adultery.

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A man’s take on potentially dating or marrying a woman with a past

Since I get a slightly different audience than Donal, there are some good questions asked by a man on potentially dating/marrying a woman with a past. Here they are:

What he was curious about was the effect of their settling versus a woman with a long and/or troubled “history.” Here are some questions he asked:

  • As a man, should you care if a woman is settling for you, assuming that she has been chaste?
  • Does it even make a difference that she has been chaste?
  • How do you find out or realize this is happening?
  • What should you consider if you find yourself in this scenario?

Here are my answers.

1. As a man, should you care if a woman is settling for you, assuming that she has been chaste?

“Settling” is too subjective to require an answer. I think you have to examine her “expectations” specifically in terms of what she was looking for.

An example of this is perhaps an archetype she always wanted such as say tall, dark, and handsome. I don’t think moving away from an archetype build is necessarily settling in a bad way, even though it may happen as she gets older.

On the other hand, if you’re dating a woman and she’s going all dreamy eyed and talking up men in her life that she thinks are awesome or that she’s had crushes on then that’s a red flag. Why is she with you then… except as plan B? All of those things she’s wished or wanted in a marriage… if they’re not you then that’s questionable.

2. Does it even make a difference that she has been chaste?

Yes. The divorce statistics speak for themselves, and I’m sure a large part of that is that only half of women marry the best sex of their lives. Comparisons breed dissatisfaction and jealousy.

However, it needs to be measured in terms of her behavior before and after Christ. For example, I’d assert that it’s better to be with a non-virgin Christian woman who has been chaste and modest since she became a believer for years than a lukewarm Christian who has done everything but sex and has a nonchalant attitude about chastity.

We know a lot about who people are by their fruit. Out of the heart comes attitudes and attitudes lead to actions, whether godly or ungodly.

3. How do you find out or realize this is happening?

Ask the hard questions. Talk about sex. Vetting is important.

She always answers first, before you say what you like.

4. What should you consider if you find yourself in this scenario?

At the end of the day, we all make mistakes. If she has made mistakes (and repented with visible change — good fruit) and you can live with it then go for it. If you can’t get over it, then don’t make a big(ger) commitment to something that bothers you.

The same goes for you (the man). If there are thing in your history that she can’t get over then let it go no matter how good of a prospect you are now. It will make her unhappy in the long run, and you don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t think they’re getting a good deal. That’s a recipe for disaster.

“Baggage” is a very real thing. God forgives our sins, but the vast majority of time He does not take away the earthly consequences of our sins. Sometimes these consequences follow us into the future: criminal record, substance abuse, credit/money record, STDs, infertility, and so on. Each person needs to decide on their own what is too much for them to handle.

Marriage is a lifelong covenant. You need to be selective, discerning, and wise about who you marry because you will become one flesh with that person. All of their “baggage” becomes yours. I believe substantial amounts of baggage (especially mental and psychological) can be dumped. However, it takes confession and wrestling with God in Scriptural Truth, prayer, petition, fasting, and often tears. There is, of course, no guarantee that there will be healing either. Scars are sometimes there to remind us that we need a Savior, even though that may cause someone to not view you as a potential marriage candidate.

In addition, don’t think you can change each other. If you’re unhappy with something then you need to be able to speak it and see how they respond. Not figuring out this stuff before marriage is also a recipe for disaster.

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Sunday school is superfluous

In general, I think a lot of Christians — and perhaps not just Protestants — believe that Sunday school is the way for their children to learn about God. However, when we examine the Scriptures that is false.

Deueteronomy 6:1 “Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the Lord your God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it, 2 so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the Lord your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. 3 O Israel, you should listen and [a]be careful to do it, that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.

4 “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as [b]frontals [c]on your forehead. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Spiritual education was and is supposed to be to continuous and daily walk. It is supposed to be from fathers to sons and the entire household. Church — or rather the gathering of believers —  serves to reinforce the Christian values that are taught by fathers to sons.

With that said there’s no excuse for your average Christian to be uneducated about what Jesus and the Scriptures speak. We live in a time where you have access to hundreds of different translations of the Bible at your fingertips. We have compilations of writings of the early Church fathers.

We are perhaps the most spiritually rich in resources of any generation in history, yet we are headed toward being one of the most spiritually bankrupt generations.

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Holiness, Sanctification, Purity, and Chastity

I haven’t done a word study in a while, since ones such as joy, grace, forgiveness, and charisma. Today we will be looking at holiness, sanctification, purity, and chastity.

God is not described as “Love” but as “Holy” when prophets have visions of heaven. The main two instances we have of this are in Isaiah and Revelation. Therefore, we can infer that this “holiness” is a trait of God that is important.

Isaiah 6:1 In the year of King Uzziah’s death I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. 2 Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. 3 And one called out to another and said, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of hosts, The [a]whole earth is full of His glory.

Revelation 4:2 Immediately I was [a]in the Spirit; and behold, a throne was standing in heaven, and One sitting on the throne. 3 And He who was sitting was like a jasper stone and a sardius in appearance; and there was a [b]rainbow around the throne, like an emerald in appearance. 4 Around the throne were twenty-four thrones; and upon the thrones I saw twenty-four elders sitting, clothed in white garments, and golden crowns on their heads.

5 Out from the throne come flashes of lightning and sounds and peals of thunder. And there were seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God; 6 and before the throne there was something like a sea of glass, like crystal; and in the [c]center and around the throne, four living creatures full of eyes in front and behind. 7 The first creature was like a lion, and the second creature like a calf, and the third creature had a face like that of a man, and the fourth creature was like a flying eagle. 8 And the four living creatures, each one of them having six wings, are full of eyes around and within; and day and night [d]they do not cease to say, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty, who was and who is and who [e]is to come.

The root word of grace — charis — is the same as the root words for joy, forgiveness, and charisma. In that post we can infer that it is by God’s grace that we obtain the fruit of the Spirit joy, in His grace we find forgiveness, and through His grace we speak with charisma.

It also just so happens that the root word of holy — hagios — is also the same root in sanctification, purity, chastity, and holiness derivatives. From Strong’s dictionary:

Holy — G40 — ἅγιος — hagios — hag’-ee-os
From ἅγος hagos (an awful thing) compare G53, [H2282]; sacred (physically pure, morally blameless or religious, ceremonially consecrated): – (most) holy (one, thing), saint. Total KJV occurrences: 229

Sanctify — G37 — ἁγιάζω — hagiazō — hag-ee-ad’-zo
From G40; to make holy, that is, (ceremonially) purify or consecrate; (mentally) to venerate: – hallow, be holy, sanctify. Total KJV occurrences: 29

Purity — G47 — ἁγνεία — hagneia — hag-ni’-ah
From G53; cleanliness (the quality), that is, (specifically) chastity: – purity. Total KJV occurrences: 2

Chaste — G53 — ἁγνός — hagnos — hag-nos’
From the same as G40; properly clean, that is, (figuratively) innocent, modest, perfect: – chaste, clean, pure. Total KJV occurrences: 8

“Holiness” in NT — hagiosmos (G38), hagiotes (G41), hagiosune (G42)

I wrote a bit on this in the leadership of a husband, but it is with this lens that Ephesians 5 needs to be looked at:

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify (G37 hagiazo) her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church [q]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy (G40 hagios) and blameless.

The love a husband shows is a sacrificial love (gave Himself up) that is directed toward a purpose. That purpose is sanctification. The process of sanctification is to make holy, and that is done by cleansing [from the things of this world]. The end result is to be holy and blameless.

Therefore, the goal of the Christian husband is to lead in a godly manner and also draw her toward the cross without being bitter (Col 3) and being understanding [as she is a weaker vessel and as coheirs in Christ] (1 Pet 3).

To paraphrase Chad: “drag my wife kicking and screaming toward the cross.”

2 Corinthians 11:1 I wish that you would bear with me in a little foolishness; but [a]indeed you are bearing with me. 2 For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin. 3 But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ. 4 For if [b]one comes and preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different gospel which you have not accepted, you bear this beautifully.

I find the context of a chaste [virgin] bride to be interesting,  as it represents something that is untainted and unstained. Essentially, holy and blameless. This is a theme throughout the entire Scriptures from the Law to the New to Covenant.

It should be no surprise that the qualities that wives are supposed to take on, even as to ungodly husbands conform around this standard:

1 Peter 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and [a]respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right [b]without being frightened by any fear.

Now to get to the main point. They hate everything that God has called blessed prompted this word study. However, the more I examine the issue from a Scriptural perspective, it’s more along the lines of:

God is holy and they hate everything that is holy.

When we come to the issue of how the culture butts up against God, who is the standard of holiness, we see that culture wants to debase all of the the things that are holy and uphold abominations, atrocities, obscenities, and anathemas. They hate Judeo-Christian morality and ethics. The only “people” that are persecuted are Jews and Christians, and the most persecuted religion is Christianity to varying degrees in the West and much more radically in the 10-40 window.

As an example, this is why I am troubled when things of “progressivism” and “feminism” make their way into churches. God’s Word is clear that women are forbidden from having authority over and teaching men in the Church body. It’s concerning that many Christians are deceived by the spirits of the age. Their “progressive minds” are deluded into believing that the Scripture is only “culturally relevant” and not universal Truth about the human condition.

There is a lot of cultural change, but one thing that is consistent about every culture is its indirect or direct opposition to God and His Word. This is not a bug but a feature. Human nature has stayed the same since we were created. Those who do not follow God follow their own desires, trading the holy for unholy.

Therefore, in closing, let me simply reiterate the main point of If you’re spiritually immature, you should expect your wife won’t submit:

Here’s some Christian common sense, often rarely used: if your stance on any theological issue in the Scriptures agrees with culture, you’re probably wrong. Culture is in direct opposition to Christ. They hate everything that God has called blessed… or in other words, God is holy and they hate everything that is holy.

We are to become like God, through Christ’s sacrifice and the power of the Holy Spirit. The Scripture provide a solid outline for how to do that, and most of the process is about rejecting, replacing, and resisting cultural mores.

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All I have is Yours

About 2 weeks ago, a rock bounced up off the road and hit my windshield. Initially, I was super surprised because I was looking somewhere else and it startled me. After the initial surprise wore off, it was just disappointing. I thought I could drive with it for a while since it was pretty small, but it ended up getting bigger and bigger as I drove. It was initially about 6-8 inches but it enlarged to over 18-20 inches over a few days of driving. Next week I ended up calling my insurance company to figure out how to get it fixed. I was quite disappointed about it since finances have been on the tighter side at the moment.

As I was getting in the car to drive to my church’s small group I remember thinking “This sucks. I’m going to have to pay $325 of my money to get it fixed.” Right after I thought that, I felt the conviction of the Lord right away and the words that popped into my head immediately were “Your money? It’s all my money.” I’ve had a few experiences like this before, but this was probably the most crystal clear and immediate one to date.

I repented of that right away, and prayed that I would be able to think of all of the money I have been given to steward correctly. I’d rather it be a $325 lesson than a much bigger one in the future. For example, as righteous as Job was, I don’t exactly want to be in a situation that is anything like his unless I am called to be. I need to be a good steward with little so that I can be entrusted with more.

It is a good reminder that being a Christian with finances is not simply about what you give but what you do with all that you have received.

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Ten traps that trip up the trying to be submissive wife

I was sifting through some things on my computer, and I ended up stumbling on this image which I don’t know where I got it from. It may have been on a Christian woman’s blog or somewhere out in the wider manosphere or men’s blog. Obviously, the original is from Elizabeth on the blog referenced at the bottom.

Wives always get confused when they ask “how” or “when” they are being disrespectful. Well, here’s a good list.


A lot of these things are both attitudes and actions. A woman/wife can fix all of her actions, but if her attitude comes off bad too then it’s pretty much the same. Respect is an attitude that is translated into how you act.

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If you’re spiritually immature, you should expect your wife won’t submit

Snapper has an interesting saga with his pastors much like JoJ did back a few years ago.

Overall, the pastors seem committed to the stances that:

  • 1 Corinthians on women being silent in Church needs to be looked at in terms of cultural relevance.
  • If you’re spiritually immature, you should expect your wife won’t submit. Similar to intelligent submission. Pastors putting more “qualifiers” on submission against Scripture.
  • The wife needs to the leader of her home if her husband isn’t leading [spiritually].
  • Women/wives should be able to teach [from the pulpit] if what they are saying is correct.

I’ve already covered some of this before in why women are prohibited from certain positions in the Church, but overall their stance reeks of the idol of “progressivism.”

For those of you new, Progressivism is pretty much a catch-all term for feminism and its liberal cousins. It is something along the lines of “we know more today than we did yesterday hence what we did in the past is now outdated.”

Obviously, progressivism is based on so-called knowledge, and we know the Scripture’s stance on knowledge:

Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

1 Corinthians 8:Now concerning things sacrificed to idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge [a]makes arrogant, but love edifies. 2 If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know; 3 but if anyone loves God, he is known by Him.

It’s funny how so many pastors want to bring the Scriptures to “cultural relevance.” Christians are not supposed to be culturally relevant. They are supposed to salt and light. We’re supposed to stand out for being different. Jesus warned about being culturally relevant:

Matthew 5:13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how [e]can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a [f]hill cannot be hidden; 15 nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a [g]basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Here’s some Christian common sense, often rarely used: if your stance on any theological issue in the Scriptures agrees with culture, you’re probably wrong. Culture is in direct opposition to Christ. They hate everything God calls blessed.

If the Scriptures tell us that women should not be teaching and/or having authority over men in Church, and culture tells you otherwise… then why would you believe the culture if you’re a Christian? Even if what they are saying is theologically sound, it’s not their place.

All this “cultural wisdom” being integrated into Christianity and you wonder why Western Christianity is dying. It’s no different than the culture on which it is trying to reach. It’s not salty and it’s not light.

Also, it seems like this whole “saga” was much less about women preaching in church but rather about cutting men down, specifically Snapper. It only “started” after they got wind of his personal situation, and they appear to be making snarky messages to antagonize after preaching about it in Church.

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