Why I don’t respect women Part 2

I wrote a while ago about Why I don’t respect women.

I wanted to revisit this topic, and the fact that it has come up recently in a couple places incited me to write on it again. Scott’s blog had a post on social media memes, and Dalrock had a post on the fear of women is the beginning of wisdom. Here’s the funny but also ironic meme that many others commented on in Scott’s blog.

 "Respect" is not, of itself, an attraction vector for women. Respect is a sign of character, but it is a myth that it (or other socially positive internal characteristics) make girls interested in the initial attraction phase. This is why men who keep trying to attract women by saying and doing "respectful" things (and not working on being attractive) are always frustrated. The men who ask this question are genuinely confused by what they observe. They were told for several generations that "chivalry" and other nice guy behaviors is what gets the girl in the end. These are the men who are waiting when the girl they have a crush on gets dumped and heart broken by Harley McTattoo bad boy and she still doesn't pay attention to them. They hear from her "someday you are going to make some girl truly happy [just not me]" Of course you should be respectful. But she has to be attracted to you already because no amount of "respect" will turn her on otherwise.

“Respect” is not, of itself, an attraction vector for women.
Respect is a sign of character, but it is a myth that it (or other socially positive internal characteristics) make girls interested in the initial attraction phase.
This is why men who keep trying to attract women by saying and doing “respectful” things (and not working on being attractive) are always frustrated.
The men who ask this question are genuinely confused by what they observe. They were told for several generations that “chivalry” and other nice guy behaviors is what gets the girl in the end.
These are the men who are waiting when the girl they have a crush on gets dumped and heart broken by Harley McTattoo bad boy and she still doesn’t pay attention to them.
They hear from her “someday you are going to make some girl truly happy [just not me]”
Of course you should be respectful. But she has to be attracted to you already because no amount of “respect” will turn her on otherwise.

The text explains the mindset that men were deceived with by society. However, it doesn’t get to the real root of respect which I will talk about in a bit.

In reality, respecting women = putting them on a pedestal. No woman is attracted to a man who puts them on a pedestal. The cold harsh truth is that only women who are with men who them them on a pedestal are ones they can manipulate, usually for cash and prizes. See: men who hang around women as friends but who want to be in relationships with them who are used for time, money, and emotional support.

If you are a Christian man you need to stop this trying to earn your way into a relationship. It will almost never end well like this for you. Likewise, if you are a Christian woman holding a man hostage by dangling a relationship in his face you need to stop too. Burn away the dross.

This is why I do not recommend that men or women have close friends of the opposite sex. It’s a bad idea and leads to idiotic situations. Sure, Jesus occasionally hung out with women. However, all of the people He was really close to were his 70 disciples, the 12 main disciples He did everything with, and then His closest 3 which were Peter, James, and John with John being the closest one to Him.

Let’s dig into respect.

Understanding respect

As I noted in the previous article on why I don’t respect women, our culture has co-opted the word ‘respect’ and attempted to give it a meaning of ‘equality.’ For example, in this new world where “Patriarchy” has been torn down, we are told “we should all respect women as equals.” This is a deception.

Respect, or fear and reverence, in Scriptural terms never denotes equality. It is a term of hierarchy. Those whom you respect you tend to or give authority over you. This is true of wives and husbands — a wife is to respect/reverence/fear her husband. This is true of Christians and Christ and God. We are to fear and submit to the Lord. We are to respect and submit to Christ. Christians are to respect and submit to earthly leaders, as they are instated by God.

  • In the Scripture, respect is not earned. It is given, by God, by position. The position of the husband commands respect and submission because God made it that way.

We tend to ‘respect’ many different professions. This is based on implicit understanding of authority. These people are experts in their field and have knowledge and practical solutions that are supposed to help us solve our problems. For example, doctors, nurses, dentists, physical therapists, financial advisors, etc. Our hearts hold those we respect above us, sometimes only in a particular area.

Men tend to naturally form into hierarchies for this very reason. Hierarchies within civilization bring about order and prosperity. Each man has his own ‘role’ to play within the greater confines of society.

Let’s pull back the curtain of deception completely

No matter what anyone tells you about ‘respect,’ it is a concept that is imbued into our very being because of the nature of hierarchies in the world that God has created. Everyone, both men and women, implicitly understand that respect is not about equality. Rather, it is about authority.

We understand this not only because the Scripture tell us, but also because in our hearts the position of respect is one of authority. We take the word and actions of anyone who we respect seriously; whereas, we take the word and actions of anyone who we don’t respect as a blathering idiot to put it bluntly.

A wife who respect her husband will submit to him very easily. A wife who has lost respect for her husband will become rebellious, contentious, and nagging. She will attempt to try to ‘parent’ her husband as a mother does her own child.

  • Respect is a heart posture, an attitude, toward someone or something and facilitates submission to authority.

Obviously, a wife that does not respect her husband can submit to him because she obeys God, but this is only part of the issue. God desires that both the heart state and actions align: Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. In other words, wives are told to both respect and submit to their husbands in order to bring her into a state of order under her husband’s authority and to honor God.

This has been around since the beginning of time.

Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from [a]any tree of the garden’?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” 4 The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! 5 For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.

Genesis 3:16 To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain [e]in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

Respecting women = Putting woman on a pedestal = making woman like God in your life. The temptation that the serpent used to get Eve to sin was to entice her to be like God. In other words, she would be set up on the pedestal. God warns husbands and wives not to do this. The curses that God put on man and woman are not actually curses but in reality blessings as God reaffirms natural order.

The position that a man is called to in a relationship is the role of husband and the head. The responsibility is love. The responsibilities do not include respect nor submission. That is the wife’s responsibilities.

The pedestal is very deceptive. It leads to the place of being an ineffective leader because you are afraid to call out the follower when they are in sin. This does both of you a disservice.

Conclusions

This is why I don’t respect women and neither should any Christian men. It’s not about what culture tells you respect is about. It’s about what the Scriptures tell us about respect. Respect is always interrelated with authority because it is written on our hearts by God.

  • Respecting women = putting them on a pedestal. No woman is attracted to a man who puts them on a pedestal. The only women who are with men who them them on a pedestal are ones they can manipulate, usually for cash and prizes. See: men who hang around women as friends but who want to be in relationships with them who are used for time, money, and emotional support.
  • Respect is not earned. It is given, by God, by position. For example, the position of the husband commands respect and submission because God made it that way.
  • There are positions of authority in our culture that we should respect because God tells us. For example, earthly authorities. There are positions which we ‘respect’ in certain fields because of their expertise.
  • Respect is a heart posture, an attitude, toward someone or something and facilitates submission to authority.
  • The respect deception has been around since the beginning of time. Women are tempted to want to be like God, and if you respect them you set them up on the pedestal like a god.
  • Be careful who you respect.

If you respect women you automatically implicitly put them on a pedestal in your heart which which leads to idolization. Don’t put women on the pedestal. Don’t respect women.

Note 1: There are a few women who you should respect if they have positional authority. For example, your mother. The Scripture tell us to honor and obey our parents.

Note 2: See previous post for the Scriptural verses and analysis on why I don’t respect women as I did not include all of the Scriptures in this post.

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14 Responses to Why I don’t respect women Part 2

  1. Pingback: Why I don’t respect women Part 2 – Manosphere.org

  2. thedeti says:

    Respect means different things to different people. Men view respect quite differently than women do.

    In culture, there are three different kinds of “respect”. The first is not really “respect” at all, but is basic common courtesy. We do not touch others without their consent. We don’t stand in their personal space. We speak politely to one another. This is the basic human decency we extend to everyone, based on social norms. Common courtesy.

    The second is deference. This is earned, and extended to people who in some way have authority over me. Almost no women occupy this position, but a few have, and only in a professional capacity. My mother held this position until I reached the age of majority.

    The third is admiration. This is also earned, and reserved only for a few persons who have truly, truly distinguished themselves in some way, usually professionally or in some other way. I cannot at this point think of any women I’ve ever admired.

    When men say they “respect” women, they’re talking about the first kind.

    When women say they want respect, they’re talking about the second and third kinds. And women don’t believe they should have to earn the second or third kinds of “respect”. They believe they’re entitled to “deference” and “admiration” simply because they exist.

    Men resist offering the second and third kinds of respect because most women don’t earn it.

  3. SirHamster says:

    My mother held this position until I reached the age of majority.

    What position does she hold now?

    I’m at a point in life where my mom says (some) nonsense that cannot be followed and which I don’t respect … but Biblically I still owe her honor … which in DS’s model here, is respect; but not in yours.

  4. thedeti says:

    I honor mom, but I don’t defer to her or admire her. She does not have authority over me as she did when I was a minor.

  5. @ SirHamster

    Yes, that’s why the vast majority of cultures have manhood rituals, including Judaism.

    A man still honors his parents regardless of his age, but he is not required to obey them anymore after he becomes a man.

  6. @ thedeti

    I disagree with you a bit.

    When men say they “respect” women, they’re talking about the first kind.

    I think men talk and think about it this way, BUT in practice it always comes off as the man who ‘respects’ women is a supplicating non-attractive man. This means that men are giving lip service to feminists, and the lip service actually becomes reality.

    The reality is that any man who says he respects women ends up in category 2: giving the woman authority over themselves and deferring to them.

    You are correct that women want 2 and 3 and typically will also power grab or be in implicit or explicit rebellion in order to make it happen.

    Now, obviously I’ve written before on the Biblical distinctions between honor and respect. Most Christians should be educated on that because it makes a big difference in how men treat women: the pedestal or as a woman who has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God just like men.

  7. How about this as an aphorism to summarize: “Can’t be helper and keep the home from atop a pedestal”.

  8. SnapperTrx says:

    Bam. This right here. When you place someone on a pedestal it is human nature for them to get an inflated sense of self – its just how we function. Putting women on a pedestal has MOST ASSUREDLY given them an inflated sense of self, along with giving men a deflated sense of self. Now men think they are ‘not worth’ of a woman’s affections, time or energy, unless they work hard to ‘earn’ it, when it should be the complete opposite.

  9. Scott says:

    Re: respect vs honor.

    Using this model, I wonder what, if any distinction you make between the two?

    In the context of Detis comments, I am of course referring to “honoring thy father and mother,” which is positional as well.

    Even if your parents are miserable, you can honor them. Dennis Prager used to talk about this at great length using the example of listening to his mother gripe on the phone and being polite to her even though he was rolling his eyes.

    I haven’t really given much thought to how that might diffe from what you are calling respect here. Nor have looked at the texts either.

    Just wondering really.

  10. @ Scott

    Wrote an article on that already!

    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2014/05/21/fear-respect-honor-and-truth-phobeo-and-timao/

    Honor (Greek: time/timao) is given to all of God’s creations. It may be given to those in authority, the same as us, or under authority. I’ll quickly post some of the highlights here:

    Matthew 15:4 For God said, ‘Honor (timaō) your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to [a]be put to death.’ 5 But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been [b]given to God,” 6 he is not to honor (timaō) his father or his mother[c].’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. 7 You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you: 8 ‘This people honors (timaō) Me with their lips, But their heart is far away from Me. 9 ‘But in vain do they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’”

    John 5:23 so that all will honor (timaō) the Son even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor (timaō) the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.

    Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor (timaō) your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

    1 Timothy 5:3 Honor (timaō) widows who are widows indeed;

    1 Peter 2:17 Honor (timaō) all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor (timaō) the [a]king.

    1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with [c]someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor (timē) as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

    It’s more along the lines of what we would now call ‘dignity.’

  11. Deborah Hill says:

    Good discussion here. I agree that men and women view respect differently. As well, there are different levels of respect, which has been discussed. I don’t want a man who will defer to me but I do want a man who will respect me. To me, that means he holds me in esteem, as a woman and as a person…not on a pedestal. When you say you don’t respect women, it comes across as looking down on her or the need to be controlling, to be honest. That’s probably not how you intended it to come across but, as I said, women see respect differently. I could NEVER feel safe to submit to a man whom I sense does not respect me because he will probably be controlling and abusive. I am far more likely to submit to a man if I feel respected by that man. Just a Christian lady’s $0.02.

  12. Deborah Hill says:

    The post above mine, by DeepStrength says it all. That is what respect means to me, as a woman. If a man does not respect a woman, he will not treat her with the honor Peter says husbands are to treat wives with. That’s my idea of respect.

  13. @ Deborah Hill

    You can try to bend the words all you want, but they are right there in the Scriptures.

    The Bible says that husbands are to ‘honor’ wives. Not ‘respect’ them.

    A woman that wants respect signals to men that she will not be a good helpmeet. She will likely have trouble following her husband’s lead and be contentious and nagging. There is an overabundance of women in today’s society and Church.

  14. HaveBrain says:

    That’s exactly one of the primary reasons to absolutely not respect religion and its lunacy.

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