A good fit

Donal’s Masculine Monday touched some on the concept of abundance mentality and how it relates to decreased thinking about what woman care about you.

In general, I think abundance mentality is the wrong way to approach relationships. The thing with abundance mentality is that it has some deception embedded into it already. Okay, sure there are more women who are single and available out there. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you will end up meeting them or develop a relationship with them. How many of these single women are actually looking for a serious relationship headed toward marriage? How many of these women are not simply in-name Christians when it benefits them? Upwards of 80-85% of people in the United States call themselves Christians according to some polls. That’s clearly an extremely misleading statistic as probably less than 10% of those are actual Christians.

As I have discussed before, the pool actual solid marriage candidates is actually fairly low in Doom and gloom and the amount of attractive Christian virgins. The approximation estimates put the attractive, Christian virgins at .5% (about 1 in 200) of the 18-29 population, and in any random Church about 8.3% (about 1 in 12) of the available women in that same age group. Obviously, there will probably be a greater percentage in orthodox or traditional Churches and less in more liberal Churches. Abundance mentality buys into the deception that there is abundance when in reality the pool is sparse. That’s how the cookie crumbles.

Instead, what Christian men should be doing is looking for a woman who is a good fit for them.

For example, a woman who is clearly not interested in a date or a relationship is going to be a bad fit in the long run. We know this because of the patterns of observable behavior in women. Women who feel like they are settling in a relationship or marriage are often going to be chronically unhappy and discontent. This will manifest into a contentious and rebellious girlfriend and/or wife who is constantly nagging or trying to mom her boyfriend or husband. This is not something that you are going to look for in a helpmeet.

A good fit requires mutual interest from both parties. 1 Corinthians 7 notes that if both men and women burn [with passion], they should marry. Likewise, the marital debt of sexual access is due both parties. Other good fit criteria is obedience to Jesus, the commands of the Scripture, and fulfilling the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives. A woman who is a good follow is a good start.

In conclusion, you shouldn’t using abundance mentality but rather searching for a woman who is a good fit for you. A woman who loves Jesus, has the hots for you, and willing to take on the roles and responsibilities put forth in the Scripture to be a respectful and submissive helpmeet.

Oh, she rejected you for a date or is not interested in going out with you anymore? Clearly, she is not a good fit for you. Let her go and continue searching for someone who is.

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11 Responses to A good fit

  1. SnapperTrx says:

    “The approximation estimates put the attractive, Christian virgins at .5% (about 1 in 200) of the 18-29 population, and in any random Church about 8.3% (about 1 in 12) of the available women in that same age group.”

    Good grief, I feel bad for my sons, though they are at least good looking enough to attract cute girls. One is a bit of a natural ladies man and I started the other one on weights and stuff a couple of years ago. He has kept up on it. In addition I have been going over some of this type of information with them, as well as some general manosphere information on the nature of women, etc. It appears to be catching on.

  2. @ SnapperTrx

    Good grief, I feel bad for my sons, though they are at least good looking enough to attract cute girls. One is a bit of a natural ladies man and I started the other one on weights and stuff a couple of years ago. He has kept up on it. In addition I have been going over some of this type of information with them, as well as some general manosphere information on the nature of women, etc. It appears to be catching on.

    I wouldn’t be super worried.

    The vast majority of boys don’t get much, if at all, instruction from their fathers on how to be men. Heck, 50% of children now don’t even really have fathers because of the 50% out of wedlock birth rate. They’re way ahead of their peers and will likely have their choice of the women.

    The key, aside from teaching them to be a Christian and to be a man, will be teaching them to select a wife who is a good fit for them.

  3. SnapperTrx says:

    “The thing with abundance mentality is that it has some deception embedded into it already.”

    I once asked my older son why he was keeping a girlfriend at all and what he expected to get out of it. He told me that some of his older friends had told him that once he gets out of high school that it is really difficult to meet someone, so its better to find someone before you graduate who will stick with you afterward. This is a mentality of thirst and lack of masculine training in action. I DID tell him to have an abundance mentality in that by keeping himself fit and his mind clear, he would be attractive enough to women in the real world that he would have to worry much about finding someone in the sense of “I can’t get any girls to talk to me”. By keeping his mind clear he should be able to properly discern ‘red flags’ and determine whether or not a girl is even worth his time. Of course, he is almost out of high school, so his old man is just a babbling idiot (didn’t we all think of our fathers that way at 17?), so I can only hope and pray that he keeps those things in mind.

    The point, though, is that young men are being raised with the mentality of “there’s only so many fish in the sea, I had better catch one while I’m in the pond!”, but an abundance mentality can help alleviate that panic. Maybe not so much that it will be easy to find a girl, but that they will have much more opportunity to “fish” than they think they will if they maintain themselves (or, in some cases, improve themselves).

  4. @ SnapperTrx

    I disagree to some extent.

    It’s really only difficult to meet someone *IF* you’re expecting women to come to you.

    If you’re active in your Church and community and serving in various capacities you’re likely to meet a bunch of different women. You can also meet women in hobbies like dance, recreational sports, and other things like that. Similarly, if college then college Christian groups.

    The problem is that most people, including Christians, expect things in life to come to them when they should be proactive doing.

  5. theasdgamer says:

    In addition to weights, improv is great for building confidence. I wish I had taken improvisational speaking years ago. That would have been so helpful.

  6. theasdgamer says:

    My mother taught me to play the field. That was incredibly helpful. Try to meet and get to know lots of women (it’s good to get to know men, too).

  7. SnapperTrx says:

    Fortunately both of my sons are pretty good at speaking. My older son is just a natural alpha, I think, and he isn’t often intimidated by speaking. He’s a bit of a jokester and has a very laid back attitude that makes him likeable. The younger one literally couldn’t care less about speaking in front of others, it gives him no fear at all. In fact, I think he enjoys it way too much and it could possibly put him in trouble if he doesn’t reign it in some. Some fat lady complained to him in the local market about how his thin and tall frame offended her, he told her to go on a diet and quit blaming others for her being fat.

  8. theasdgamer says:

    This isn’t about speaking in front of others…it is preparation for social conversation.

  9. donalgraeme says:

    Just to be clear, I wasn’t advocating that men, especially Christian men, adopt an abundance mentality. I was just comparing the benefits of that particular approach to a mentality where you stop caring about what “she” will think of you.

  10. @ donalgraeme

    Yeah, I was referring mainly to one of the commenters.

  11. Pingback: An Abundance Of Concern | Donal Graeme

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