One of the readers has graciously provided his story from his journey through the secular manosphere and having since become a Christian. In general, I would say it’s a cautionary tale because of the impact that game can have on Christians from the evil side and how difficult it can be to transition out of that into the good.
First, I started out as the nice guy. I think its just beta behavior. I grew up cherishing and caring for women (maybe out of a needy way) and I had always taken the side a the girl. I thought that it was a mans responsibility to look out, protect and understand the gift God has made for us. Well, I learned PUA and that helped me become better with them. I never wanted to get a lot of girls to bed, I wanted to know how to find and keep an awesome lady in life. It turns out that yes, that it came down to self improvement. I better myself, then that makes me more desirable. Well, I had a bad break up. I went off just getting more and more girls this time, trying to fill that void. I started going out, meeting social drinkers and not the crowd God wants for me to be around.
I think this is generally a common theme for most men who enter the manosphere whether as Christians or non-Christians.
It’s not a bad thing to want to cherish and care for women as that seems to be a trait that God has imbued into men. However, it often comes out as needy and validation seeking because most men expect some type of reciprocation when they interact with women. If it doesn’t manifest at the start, it often manifests during a relationship which repels the woman leading to said breakups (aside from incompatibility in values).
I’m not going to comment on game as we’ve gone through that enough on this blog.
God came to me one night, and I had an experience with him. An encounter, and it changed me. I no longer even worried if I had a girl, I was in Love with him and it was enough. Slowly, his presence has left me, and life has become full of trials. I guess you could say I lost my trust and hope in him for things to go good. I started to think of things like “God doesn’t have a good one for me” or “Itll just be more trials following him, don’t let him get ahold of your relationships” “God wont let you have anyone beautiful, he will be jealous since its an idol” I kept fighting these lies, but slowly I would see how I had no guarantees. and I started thinking these, everytime I would see a cute girl I would feel like God was mad or somehow didn’t want that for me. I started despising them, and the rejections and negative attitude somehow turned me against them. Its like misogynist behavior, that’s what Ive googled and match perfectly. I love them, but hate them at the same time. I have to question why do I hate this girl? Shes done nothing wrong, and I don’t even know her? I lost my sense of feeling, just cold and distant now. I see women as sneaky and just a waste of time now. I cant be empathic towards people in general, its just weird.
First, God isn’t about feelings. He’s about action: John 14:15 15 “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.
Although we may experience God emotionally in some circumstances, our emotions are not to dictate what our actions are. This is very difficult to learn because churchianity is the cult of nice. Nice is all about feelings. Feelings become churchian’s god instead of the one true God.
Secondly, as we’ve talked before back a couple months ago, nowhere in the Scriptures are we promised a wife. That’s one of the pedestals that all Christian men must learn to drop. Don’t set women — or even the prospect of a wife — up on the pedestal as an idol. You must come to terms with following God because you know that Christianity is true and you want to please God.
Thirdly, I wouldn’t necessarily say the manifestation of anger is misogyny although it may feel that way. This is part of the maturation process of what it means to be a man.
If you think about it from a man’s perspective… why are you angry at women? Is it because you were lied to by family, the church, and whoever else? Okay, I can buy that. But Jesus told us in the Lord’s prayer to pray that God forgive our debts just as we forgive our debtors. We also have that sin to repent for as well as even if we were led by blind men into a pit we still followed those blind men.
Is it because of some other reason such as rejection, or torment, or negative attitudes? Well, I would say you care too much. Why do you care what these women who may not want to be with you? The very fact that you care about their opinion — rejection or negative attitude — means you are seeking validation from them. You want them to be attracted to you, but they’re not. Why else would you get angry?
This is the type of behavior that we are aiming to eliminate because it is the very start of both selfish pride and the start of setting women up on pedestals. You shouldn’t require another person’s validation to make you feel better about yourself. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God and we each have our own abilities and talents. We don’t need others’ validation for what God has created.
I struggled with seeing women as objects too, I hate to say that I have a porn addiction, and it made me see women as objects which I know is so horrible. I want to get back to just seeing them as people, the way God wants me to see them. Ive prayed so much for this to be healed from this and its only gotten worse. Its like Ill have a too high of a view of women, see them as beautiful and in control of everything. She doesn’t need anything from me and I feel like a loser. almost jealous in a bad way. another view is that I despise them, for being hurt I see them as lower and not worth my time. I dont know how this is happening. God has impressed on me with sincerity “It didn’t work the first time having a woman to be fulfilled, what makes you think it will happen again?” I think he was hinting towards me having him as my #1 again.
- Your brain on porn is not a Christian site, but it shows you the changes that your brain undergoes when you look at it. All of it bad. This is definitely a sinful habit that needs to be kicked away to the curb without even mentioning the negative effects it has on the perception of women.
There are ways to overcome things especially if you have an addictive personality. On the harsher end of the spectrum you can forgo internet or even a computer.
But all in all it depends on how much you are willing to give up for God. Are women or porn more important than God? That’s a choice every Christian man must make for himself.
If you’re seeing no progress even with prayer you have already made that choice in your heart.
I feel depressed, I cant amount to getting back to where I was. I cant bring myself to believe God has a good one for me. I am not sure how this all ties in, Im just ranting and brainstorming right now.
I just am wondering why I despise and don’t have a proper view of women anymore? I dont trust God or have hope in him, the world is going to end soon, end times are here. God has forgotten me is the feeling. It probably goes a lot deeper then just women. I feel lifeless, my heart is closed and cold, especially towards women for some reason. I hope this helps, if there is anything else you want to know I will email back.
Ironically, I think this is one of the traps that game imparts to men.
Because game allows you to raise their attractiveness to women, when you use it and women aren’t as responsive as you think they should be you begin to seek validation from them. Your ego and pride are raised because you expect that success. The resentment and emptyness will build, even when you have success. Some men fall into this trap and some men don’t. Of course, even if you don’t fall into this one there are other traps with success with women as evidenced by the secular manosphere.
The main thing I would suggest is to reorient yourself with the Scriptures. The gospel of John is excellent for new Christians because it talks about the story and love of God, and I think it is a good refresher even for older Christians to read because it reminds us of what God is all about. That is where I would start with reading the Scriptures.
It’s not about us and what we can get from women, but it is about God’s love for us and what we can do for God. This is one of the missions as Christians that He has placed us here for, and being reoriented to that and away from the pedestalization of women is always a good thing.
Lastly, remember that everyone — not just yourself — is fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Even if they are vicious, malicious, and your enemy God still calls us to love them. We don’t have to tolerate or put up with that type of behavior as that is not love, instead if they claim to be Christians we should indeed call them out on that behavior. Conversely, if they are not Christians we should be praying for them and speaking good to them. Even if they are ones who reject us or throw us under the bus.
Both of these require good confrontational skills which are difficult to develop and very tough for most of us former nice guys. But character and virtue are built in overcoming such challenges. So seek God, confess your sins and repent, and continue to pray and do what is good regardless of how you feel about it.