Real life Ruths update

If you recall, a few months ago I posted an example for Christian women on Real life Ruths.

Well, today they are getting married! I’ll be off to the wedding after this post goes up.

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of being able to talk to John separately, Katie a bit separately, both of them together, and sitting down for dinner.

One of the main things that impressed me is how involved the community was in their relationship. Many of the older married men [in the Church] who knew Katie as she was growing up also helped to mentor John in the relationship. John told me about how these men told him Katie’s strong points and weak points. Funnily enough, we ended up on the topic of weak points and struggles of women, and in any relationship there are a bunch. However, the older men were very helpful in pointing them out beforehand to John and ways to approach them from a godly perspective. This made his life significantly easier in terms of conflict management and growing the relationship.

One of these in particular was what got them together in a sense. The “Ruth” side of Katie for making every effort to give John opportunities and chances also means she has a fairly committed mind and strong will of sorts. However, the mentors definitely gave John advice on  how to handle and manage that, even though they will obviously have to work through that together. All couples have things like that to work through anyway.

I think when we think of family and/or community involvement, it tends to rub us the wrong way in general since even most families are fairly intrusive or condescending rather than desiring the best for us. Families tend to have a “their way or the highway” type of thing rather than approaching it from a mentoring perspective. This has been my [perceived] experience, at least in my current relationship.

I found this example of their relationship to be particularly good in terms of being able to help mentor a burgeoning relationship in a way that benefits both participants, as opposed to applies some sort of adverse load or is overbearing. Obviously, these older men desire what is good for both, so they can point out potential pitfalls along the way based on what they know of each person’s character and personality. Then from their experience they can also point out ways to handle it in a godly manner.

In any case, from what I’ve seen they’re a pretty good fit for each other personality-wise, and they’re both committed Christians. Let the wedding celebration begin. 🙂

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Advice to Christian women, Godly mindset & lifestyle and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Real life Ruths update

  1. Pingback: Real life Ruths update – Manosphere.org

  2. Neguy says:

    Excellent news!

  3. donalgraeme says:

    It is always great to hear stories like this.

  4. AuthenticResilience says:

    Hey DS,

    I just want to thank you for this blog. It has helped me so much, and I see you as a “man after God’s own heart.” You’re truly impressive. I found you several months ago after a traumatic divorce. Here’s my summarized story if anyone is interested:

    I am in my late twenties and it was a 5 year marriage and 8 year relationship. We are both Christians (me since I was young, and her since a couple years before the wedding). We went through a lot. I dealt with severe chronic health issues that kept me out of work for a long time after we graduated together from college. These medical issues seriously damaged my natural confidence, my feeling of self-worth in terms of what God says about us, and my leadership ability. She really had to step up and it hurt both of us. I’m not blameless, but I was doing everything I could to get healthy and return to work. I never gave up when many people would have. I worked VERY hard to get healthy and to be a good husband for her. I was never unfaithful or close to it, even though I had a couple opportunities, as I have always attracted quite a few women (hope that doesn’t come across arrogant, it’s just the truth).

    Anyway, I could feel the distance between us in the last several months of marriage, but I’m positive now that it was hurting her much more. She had always been loyal and soldiered through hard times. It was also so confusing to me because even toward the end we had many trips, outings, and great times together. She was very deceptive.

    Seemingly out of the blue she told me she wanted a divorce then filed. I’m angry at all the bullsh*t that I was taught – like “you’ll win her back by doing more chores.” I finally discovered affairs, finally including the man she left me for. It was very hard but I never sought revenge. I never said a bad word about her on social media or to others, never cussed her out, never struck back. Once I discovered the affairs, I was done with her. It’s been incredibly painful, and all I want is for God to show me revenge. I’m not sure I can trust Him anymore if I don’t see negative consequences in her life for the hell she put me through.

    Although my health problems (and her inability to communicate that she was hurting so much, I never heard a word, it was just, oh I’m filing for divorce) were largely responsible for the downfall, discovering the Red Pill, and reading “No More Mr. Nice Guy” have changed my life. Act confident to feel confident then it cycles, not the other way around. You can do this no matter your circumstances. I was not totally blue pill, I was a mix leaning toward blue I would say (made worse by my issues). I also found a wonderful Christian counselor over a year ago, who says my recovery is going very well, so I’m happy about that.

    I will end by saying thanks again, and am open to thoughtful insights or related comments.

  5. donalgraeme says:

    @ AR

    Re-read Psalm 37. God works things in His own time. She will be held to account for what she has done, and what she failed to do, in due course. You need to focus on not straying from the Way like she has.

  6. SapphireYagami says:

    its good that you are feeling and doing better

  7. @ AuthenticResilience

    You’re welcome.

    Keep studying the Scripture and spiritual disciplines. Get involved and serve in the Church and community with your gifts!

    It’s easy to lose sight of what we are supposed to be doing as Christians with all of the problem(s) in the Church and the distractions that women are at times. Keep focused and run the good race.

  8. AuthenticResilience says:

    Thank you to all who responded. With God’s strength I’ve resisted sleep around, alcohol, drugs, etc. and really focused on improving myself and my health and fitness.

    The issues that I’m now dealing with are trust issues with God. It’s probably illogical but sometimes I doubt that he cares about what I want and wants the best for me and to protect me. I don’t trust the feminized Church, and am holding it at arm’s length. I also went to an evangelical college that spewed Blue Pill bovine scatology. Also, I’ve shown tremendous perseverance and am not seeing my rewards or her punishment. Maybe my reward is that my life is fairly simple, and I experience the painful consequences that a bunch of sinful decisions would cause. I suppose I just need to be patient. I try to love God for what He’s done for me, and since I will go to the New Heaven and New Earth, anything good in my life is kind of icing on the cake. However, I’m still human and we all respond to incentives.

  9. AuthenticResilience says:

    Oops.

    * sleepING around

    * and I DON’T experience those consequences

  10. Gunner451 says:

    A-R,

    You are so on the wrong path it is not even funny. Firstly, Jesus did not promise you a happy and fulfilled life, but one of struggle, conflict and pain. Much like the life that He Himself lived, in perfect obedience to the Fathers will. Our goal should be on glorifying God, not on petty wishes that those that did us harm be punished. Instead pray for her that she would turn from her sin, repent and be saved. Not so that you could be satisfied in your need for revenge but so that Gods glory would be made manifest in her repentance.

    God made us for His glory, and not so that we could run around stomping our foot demanding that he bend to our will or we will “lose trust in Him”. What utter contempt you have for God! I would urge that you repent for this sin which far exceeds what your ex-wife has done. Who are you to demand from the Creator and Savior of us all? Be glad that He has given you the life that you have and endure the trails that have been set before you, hold tight to the Lord and He will not abandon you.

    I’ve had my share of these as well, but can say without a doubt that the only way is to look not at your own pitiful circumstances but to God. Focus on Him as nothing else in this world really matters.

  11. @ AuthenticResilience

    Agreed with Gunner451.

    The goal is to serve God.

    What pleases God?

    ~ Repentance of your wife.
    ~ Letting go of your hurt and bitterness. See: the Lord’s prayer
    ~ Using your gifts to serve the Church and community
    ~ Spreading the gospel

    2 Timothy 3:10 Now you followed my teaching, conduct, purpose, faith, patience, love, [g]perseverance, 11 persecutions, and sufferings, such as happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium and at Lystra; what persecutions I endured, and out of them all the Lord rescued me! 12 Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. 13 But evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. 14 You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15 and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

    Following Jesus is not easy. There’s a reason why He said that we need to forsake all to follow Him. There’s a reason He said that we need to take up our cross daily, deny ourselves and follow him. The Cross is not only a symbol of hope as modern Christians use it, but it is also a symbol of the suffering and death that Jesus did that we also undergo as we follow Him.

    Don’t be deceived.

  12. AuthenticResilience says:

    @ Gunnar

    Thank you, internet tough guy.

    You are so much like Christ, so full of compassion and kindness for those have suffered greatly. Oh, wait LOL. Condescending people like you are part of the reason so many hate Christians. People like you make me never want to go back to Church. Thanks for your assumptions and judgment. You’re theologically correct on some of those points, but you communicate them like a jerk.

  13. AuthenticResilience says:

    @ DS

    Letting go of hurt and bitterness take TIME. This is fresh for me. You have no idea what I’ve been through the last 7 years of my life. That was a brief summary. You’re both right in some ways, but you’re harsh. Not very Christ-like.

    And what does “repentance of your wife” mean? I repent for my sins, I’m not called to repent for her sins.

  14. AuthenticResilience says:

    @ Gunnar

    I had a suspicion that assumptions would be made about me if I shared. Thanks for confirming that for me. Being hurt and having doubts are not sins. I regret opening up only to be blasted by “Christians” who show such a lack of compassion. Maybe you should go witness to ISIS in Iraq. You seem to have a great desire to suffer. Weird, most humans don’t.

  15. @ AuthenticResilience

    Pray for her repentance = giving up bitterness + hoping that she repents. We only repent for our own sins generally speaking.

    You’re a man. I’m a man. Men *need* to be straight forward with each other. Obviously, it will take some time to get over hurt and bitterness. No one is deny that. But we are here to spur you on to righteous action. The truth of what God desires is often harsh when we are hurt, but there is the flipside that it’s easy to fall into self pity if we don’t have others to admonish and encourage us from that.

    Love and pray for your enemies and those who persecute you? That’s tough.

    That said it’s difficult to determine what ‘stage’ someone is in off the Internet, so if we come off too harsh that’s not our intent. We simply want to point you on the right track.

  16. AuthenticResilience says:

    @ DS

    “That said it’s difficult to determine what ‘stage’ someone is in off the Internet, so if we come off too harsh that’s not our intent. We simply want to point you on the right track.”

    I understand and I appreciate it. I didn’t mean to seem so butthurt. But I love Christ yet I have doubts. That’s not a sin.

    But for Gunnar to say the following:

    “What utter contempt you have for God! I would urge that you repent for this sin which far exceeds what your ex-wife has done.”

    is incredibly insulting and an incorrect assumption. God takes adultery and divorce extremely seriously. And I never said I was blameless, I was plenty flawed in the marriage and am still plenty flawed, but I did my best. I don’t have contempt for God, I have PAIN AND DOUBT. That’s normal when your world is rocked for 7 years in a row.

  17. @ AuthenticResilience

    Yeah, definitely take some time to grieve and mourn and get it all out of you.

    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3

    Once you finish, leave the past as the past and press forward! 🙂

  18. AuthenticResilience says:

    @ DS

    Thank you. I’m doing my best to process it and grieve it. I’ve closely examined my strengths and weaknesses and sins in the marriage and after it. I reacted so strongly because the most mature Christians that I’ve ever known understand how to be DIRECT and KIND at the same time. People on manosphere sites are often direct, but are a**holes about it. This is simple immaturity. I appreciate that you’re different.

  19. gunner451 says:

    A-R,

    “It’s been incredibly painful, and all I want is for God to show me revenge. I’m not sure I can trust Him anymore if I don’t see negative consequences in her life for the hell she put me through.”

    If you don’t want to be slapped up side the head then stop with the finger pointing at God. You sound like a hurt little girl with what you wrote, not a man. Also, read the Bible every once in a while, neither Jesus nor Paul minced words when it came to this, or better yet read Job and what he had to say when confronted by God (always good to read about someone that had it even worse than you and boy did Job have it worse, wife telling him to curse God and die, just a wonderful woman). If you want to continue down the path to hell because you’re offended at my strong rebuke then it just proves that you never were a Christian. But I will pray for you in hopes that you repent.

    I certainly wish someone had slapped me up side the head when I started feeling sorry for myself, Would have been far better for me than the sins I fell into because of my own self pity. I can sympathize with the hurt and pain, like I said I’ve been through that and more. And trust me when I say that going down the path of the hurt puppy blaming God will only lead to even more sin and more pain so don’t do it. Turn around now while you have the chance, get your head straight, you were bought for a price (if you are Christ’s) and are his slave for eternity so start doing his will and not your own.

    Internet tough guy and a**hole out.

  20. AuthenticResilience says:

    Thank you for reminding me that I should go to the Bible, and not people like you for advice. I don’t need your approval. You don’t even know me, or my character. Jesus knows me, you don’t. You’re not the voice of Christ, even though you write like you think you are. I’m not going to debate you further. I care about what Jesus thinks of me. It ultimately doesn’t matter what you think of me.

  21. Pingback: Make it happen | Christianity and masculinity

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s