I wanted to explore the teacher-student dynamic as it regards to my most recent post Understanding Attraction.
I’ve always been a huge fan of this dynamic because I have specialized knowledge in a few fields, and it’s easy for me to slip in to that role to instruct men or women in my expertise.
Almost invariably all Christian women say they want their husband to be a leader in the household and especially to be a spiritual leader to them. While you can’t necessarily trust what a woman says, this is actually the case that she wants you to teach her more about God. Therefore, the conclusions we learn in this post apply on a broad level.
This is why setting a standard of spiritual leadership such as in Leave her better than you found her is so important.
Now, in Understanding Attraction, we talked why women find breaking rapport attraction. We broke them down into two categories:
- You break rapport — teasing her, disagreeing with her, mystifying her (riddles/jokes/making her guess), humor, etc.
- She breaks rapport — shit/fitness testing you, she disagrees with you, she is rude
In the previous post, we talked about how you need to build comfort first to actually have rapport so you can break it. However, we’re going to assume that you already built comfort because she is accepting instruction from you already, which means she has at least some level of comfort with you already. Women typically don’t accept instruction from creepy guys.
So let’s go through all of the dynamics of the teacher-student relationship and see how they apply:
You break rapport
- Teasing her — comes naturally when she makes a mistake or does something unexpected but funny. Teasing overlaps very well with humor/laughter in the situation.
- Disagreeing with her — again, comes naturally when she makes a mistake. She is expecting you to catch her mistakes, and when you correct her it shows you that you know what you are talking about.
- Mystifying her — Since you’re instructing her, you don’t want to give away the answers for free. You make her critically think through the topic(s) on hand and guide her path in coming to the correct conclusions. There’s a fine line between keeping her guessing and frustration, but it’s usually worth the payout.
- Humor/laughter — likewise, if she makes an egregious or otherwise hilarious error you can both laugh at it together. Similarly, if you make a dumb mistake and point it out, it shows your expertise in finding your mistakes and correcting them while being light hearted.
She breaks rapport
- shit / fitness testing you — usually doesn’t occur during the teacher-student dynamic, but may happen if she questions your authority. Usually needs a firm hand to guide her back into line by reversing the situation — “oh, if you’re the expert now, why don’t you teach me instead?”
- she disagrees with you — Sometimes this does come up with certain situations. If you know she is wrong in a certain instance and can prove it there’s no need to rub it in her face, but it goes well with a light teasing about how she thinks she is an expert but still has a little while to go.
- she is rude — the best way to punish rudeness is almost always withdrawal of attention. Telling her that if she is rude to you when you’re trying to help her and that you’ll just let her figure it out on her own and leave is one of the best options unless you can use the situation to tease her or make her laugh such as the fitness testing situation.
As you can see, the teacher-student dynamic creates situations where you can break rapport with her very easily and very naturally. It follows that often she will be naturally attracted to you from it, or at the very least she will respect you for teaching her. Attraction naturally follows after a woman respects you.
I very highly encourage that all Christian men delve deeply into the Scriptures, prayer, meditation, and fasting so that you can become a “spiritual leader.” This assists you in guiding a potential wife on the path of righteousness to deepen her relationship with God and with yourself. That is the first and foremost thing that we as Christian men want to be doing with potential wife candidates.