This post is somewhat of a follow-up and reminder of a very old post her emotions and her emotions part 2.
Essentially, it’s very difficult for men to understand that you’re not responsible for a woman’s emotions. You’re not responsible for your woman’s emotions. You’re not responsible for your wife’s emotions.
This is a very difficult concept to understand, and I don’t think any man ever gets to the point where he understands this fully. Men are generally creatures of action. We want to fix problems. We want to take action. But you can’t “fix” a woman’s emotions. They just are, especially at different periods in time (e.g. her cycle).
In particular, churchianity tries to make a woman’s emotions and unhappiness as an unforgivable sin. “Playing games with women” and “playing with a woman’s emotions” are pretty much stolen feminist phrases that churchianity adapts to beat Christian men over the head. This ultimately gets warped into some weird theology where the man is supposed to guard a woman’s heart. In reality, the heart is the responsibility of each person.
Proverbs 4:20 My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. 21 Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; 22 for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. 24 Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. 25 Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. 26 Give careful thought to the[c] paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. 27 Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
Just as men process their own emotions internally, it is useful to process her outward showing of emotions internally as well. This prevents you from acting rashly. Sometimes she needs to be held. Sometimes she needs time to get over it by herself. Sometimes she needs to vent. In most cases, it’s not even about you. Even if it is about you, she still needs to deal with it herself without you trying to fix them.
This is the importance of understanding the end goal as it relates to the process. To reiterate, the goal is not to make a woman happy, which is a very easy trap to fall into. The goal is stated in Ephesians 5 and can be summarized as sanctification in Christ and oneness. Stand firm on the Truth. Treat emotions not as something to be fixed but with patience and understanding.
Christianity and masculinity 
Pingback: You’re not responsible for a woman’s emotions – Manosphere.org
A few important corollaries:
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s mood.
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s sexual mood.
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s response to his sexual overtures.
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s sexual response.
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s respect/disrespect of his office.
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s rebellion/contempt against his authority.
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s discontent.
> Husbands are not responsible for his wife’s sin.
Husbands are responsible for teaching their own wives what their duty as a wife entails and husbands are responsible for their response to a wife’s emotion/mood/non-response/rebellion.
The captain of the ship is not responsible for a mutiny, but he is responsible to care for his crew, keep control of the ship and complete the mission.
@ Jonadab-the-Rechabite
Yes, I think one of the hardest things is for men to learn what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for.
Once you know that, you can’t be shamed or conned into being responsible for things, especially things that you have no control over.
It’s also very freeing as well. You understand that the responsibilities you are given are actually reasonable, and that you’re not being made a slave to women as touted in churchianity.
Also, fixed your spelling.
I don’t take responsibility for a woman’s emotional vicissitudes, unless my behavior is deficient and I owe her some grovelling and shit.
This is important because as we have been instructed, men and women are equally adult. So if we overreact to female emotional capriciousness, as women wish, we’re simply assuming that women have the emotional maturity of 12 year olds. The key is to know when she’s being a 12 year old, and when she’s being Susan Sontag. (Confusing, I know.) That way we know when to fake parental care and concern, and when to say WTF are you talking about?
And just because they don’t get what they want for reasons unknown doesn’t mean they’re not victims. They’re still entitled to stamp their feet, claim abuse, and say, No wonder youre divorced! As men, we need to pray on how to satisfy that woman. (Or become Mormons.)
TL;DR: Men are so stupid. QED.
What about if a woman wears her heart on her sleeve or she just refuses to show emotion because of personal reasons?
yes.
That is still on her. She chooses what to wear, including her heart. And if she refuses to show emotion, it is because she has chosen to do so. So again, on her.
DS, I can’t see how Paul’s description of a husband and wife caring for each other in 1 Cor 7:33-34 factors into your marriage theology. Can you please explain the gap I am missing?
Emotion does not describe reality. Thinking a thing does not make it so. Emotions are delusions.
Just my opinion.
@ Robyn
1 Cor 7:33-34 follows 1 Cor 10, Col 3, and 1 Pet 3.
1 Cor 10:31 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; 33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.
Generally, the Greek of the word pleasing is to be agreeable or in a sense unselfish as Paul uses it here. When interpreted in the context of both Col 3 where husbands should not be embittered toward their wives and 1 Peter 3 where husbands should live with their wives in an understand way (as co-heirs in Christ), it makes a lot more sense from that perspective.
This is why I said in the main post that husbands aren’t responsible for their wife emotions, but they are responsible for being patient and understanding toward their wives. In other words, you can’t change how someone feels or what they feel, but you indeed are responsible for your response. In general, you should act in a way that is kind, so it doesn’t bring about issue(s) but when it does you deal with them accordingly.
@Robyn
1 Cor 7:33 is an indicative and not an imperative. It is the way things tend to be and not a command. Paul is saying for those who choose to remain single that they do not have the distraction of the other person’s emotional state to hamper them in their devotion and are so more free to pursue Christ in the time of the present distress (1 Cor 7:26).
A man is much more likely to hold to his confession till death, if it is his just his own death, but when his confession is tested with the possibility of the death of his wife and children that is a much more difficult trial. Paul is recommending that considering the persecution that Christians would endure, that devotion to Christ would be easier if one remained single than if the prosecutors had a spouse to torture for leverage to persuade one to deny Christ.
Pingback: Feelings Feelings Feelings – BlendingAme
DS, if I may be incongruent for a moment: what happened to Society of Phineas? First the page was privatized, now it’s been deleted.
@ Chris
I am unsure.
I didn’t even know he was privitized and been deleted. He had been posting very infrequently, so I assume he just hadn’t updated in a while.
Pingback: God and sinners reconciled – joyful all ye nations rise | vulture of critique