Practical ways to improve your attractiveness and desirability for a Christian spouse

I initially wrote this a while ago and posted it on Boundless, and it was summarily deleted. It was commented on in these two places but it is worthy of its own post here:

http://societyofphineas.wordpress.com/2013/11/14/a-woman-wants-a-king-not-a-peasant/

http://sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com/2013/11/17/truthful-dating-and-relationship-advice-is-terribly-sexist-does-that-mean-reality-is-sexist-too/

—————–

To the women.

What men are attracted to: physical beauty. All things being equal (spiritual characteristics, femininity, etc.) a man will pick the most attractive female.

The good thing, however, is that all men have different tastes for what they find attractive. Some like black hair, some like brown, some like blonds, some like redheads. Some like different color eyes, some like different types of body shapes.

However, one of the things that turns most men off (note: most not all) is being overweight or obese. If you are overweight or obese and you want to have men ask you out I would suggest losing weight through good nutrition and exercise. The same would be true for men. Women don’t want a man who is overweight or obese.

Again, all things being equal all men and all women would prefer to have their spouse be physically active and healthy.

This is not to say personality does not matter. It does. If there is a attractive woman that nags, is entitled, and otherwise makes a man’s life a pain in the butt then these are qualities in her personality that will make him drop her as a potential mate.

Being spiritual is not an excuse to ignore the physical, and neither is being physical fit an excuse to ignore the spiritual. You want both. Be as physically attractive as you can, and seek after God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Note: All of the tenets that feminism pushes onto women such as confidence, independence, strong attitude, etc in women is a turnoff for most men. We are looking for a spouse, not a business partner.

Conclusion: Women your physical beauty will get you in the door, and your personality and spirituality will make him want to keep you. While the latter is the most important, you cannot neglect the former if you want to get married.

—————–

To the men.

What women are attracted to: lots of different things including looks, athleticism, talent (musical and otherwise), high status, masculine personality, money, etc.

Proportions of these depend on the woman and you have no way to telling. However, the most important one to develop is a confident masculine personality, although the others are nice to have and can/should be worked on. The easiest way to improve your confidence is your posture, working out, etc.

Remember this men: your confidence is displayed in your posture, your walk, and your tone of voice. Studies show that non-verbals are 50-90% of the conversation. You can have all of the confidence in the world, but if it is not reflected in your body language you will fail.

If a Christian man goes up to a Christian woman with slumped shoulders, a downcast look in his eyes, is fidgting, and speaks quickly with a high tone of voice “let’s go out on a date” is he going to be successful? Absolutely not.

On the other hand, if a Christian man goes up to a Christian woman with his shoulders back, a smile on his face, makes direct eye contact with her, and says in a low tone masculine voice” “let’s go out on a date” is he going to be successful? A much higher percentage that the woman will say yes.

Easy ways you can work on your non-verbals and confidence from another commenter:

1. Start working out. Heavy weights to build muscle

2. Fix your nutrition if you’re overweight/obese. Add in more protein to help gain muscle

3. Work on your posture. Don’t slouch. Ever.

4. Work on your walking. Long strides, confidently. When you’re making any actions, slow and deliberate. If you have any nervous movement such as scratching, wiggling, RLS, etc eliminate it completely.

5. Become comfortable with space. When you’re sitting down instead of crossing legs or arms over yourself spread legs out and put your arm up on the chair. Get comfortable and relaxed in these power poses.

6. Make eye contact with everyone. Hold it and don’t look away first. Smile if you lock on for a few seconds and it continues. Never look down when talking to a woman as this indicates to her that [you are submissive to her].

7. Speak more slowly and deliberately so that your voice is lower in tone.

Obviously, these things are important, but more important is your spiritual walk. As is stated in Scripture about Jesus: “They were amazed at his teaching, because his words had authority.”

As a masculine, CHRISTIAN man you should be studying the Word, praying, meditating, fasting, etc so as to become more like Jesus. You should know the Scriptures well enough to speak with authority on your faith. If you don’t know the Scriptures or the power of God then how are you to be a responsible leader in your marriage?

Conclusion: Men your masculine personality and confidence will get you in the door, and your ability to lead her spiritually will make her want to keep you. While the latter is the most important, you cannot neglect the former if you want to get married.

—————–

Final conclusion: Both sexes should work on being more physically attractive and spiritually attractive.

However, men and women are different in what they look for in attractiveness. You need to know the population you are trying to sell yourself to if you wanted to get married.

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15 Responses to Practical ways to improve your attractiveness and desirability for a Christian spouse

  1. sunshinemary says:

    Wonderful, I’m so glad you’re starting up a site, too. I’ll add you to my blogroll straightaway.

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  7. Peggy Trivilino says:

    You left out the most important thing any sane, self-respecting woman looks for in a man–brains. Most of us want a mate who is at least as smart as we are. (In my case, that’s a tall order–my IQ is 148.) My experience is that men are terrified of–if not downright hostile to–very intelligent women.

  8. @ Peggy Trivilino

    You left out the most important thing any sane, self-respecting woman looks for in a man–brains. Most of us want a mate who is at least as smart as we are. (In my case, that’s a tall order–my IQ is 148.) My experience is that men are terrified of–if not downright hostile to–very intelligent women.

    False.

    Men are not hostile or terrified of “intelligent” women.

    Men are hostile to women who think they know it all which just so happens to be the *vast majority* of “intelligent” women. They tend to nag, insert opinions where they aren’t wanted, or want their way because they think they know what is “best.”

    Unfortunately, this scenario is quite prevalent in my own family.

    I’ve seen very few “intelligent” women who are good follows which is needed for dancing and a good wife.

  9. Peggy Trivilino says:

    Um . . . your last sentence is a bit of a grammatical word salad. You might want to try un-tossing it so that it makes at least modicum of sense. Ta!

  10. Looking Glass says:

    @Peggy:

    We can also add “no self-awareness” to the likely issues with “intelligent” Women. (He could have used a quotes around “follow”, that’s all that’s missing.)

    But, since I have a 150+ IQ and know a thing or two, it’s normally the arrogance that’s the worst trait. “Smart” Women have won the “genetic lottery”, but nearly all of them have no capacity to understand the actual limitations of intelligence nor the grace to realize that IQ is really a speed of pattern recognition test more than much else. Being quick means very little without wisdom. It’s the road to much self-destruction. (And their ability to self-rationalize are always hyper active.)

    Also, Women don’t select for Intelligence. They select for Confidence and proxy it as Intelligence. Though Confidence when dealing with Women does carry with it a certain insight into the human condition, which counts as a form of specific intelligence. But that only carries over so much into the rest of life.

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