What I look for in evaluating a potential wife Part 2

So it’s been about a year and some months since I wrote these posts about my search and mindset, and I figured I’d give an update as my desires have changed a bit as I’ve grown spiritually. These are the posts: What I look for in evaluating a potential wife (Jan 2014), The Change (Jan 2014), Evolving Desires (May 2014), What I believe regarding marriage (Jun 2014).

This was the prior list I had in the first post:

  1. Evidence of a relationship with God — daily Scripture, prayer, meditation, and service in the Church or community. A heart that is seeking after God and is fruitful in it with her actions.
  2. Evidence of cultivated godly femininity — long hair, dresses modest, wears dresses and skirts, smiles often, enthusiastic, kind, gentle, humble, preferably knows how to keep a home and cook, etc.
  3. Evidence of chastity in attitude and deed — Christian men and women are called to this prior to marriage, and I’m uninterested in having to deal with the drama that surrounds a woman that has had previous intimacy with other men. I’d readily consider a low N-count woman who has shown though her actions and attitude that she has repented (and not just feels bad about what she did) over a virgin Christian woman who has done everything but sex.
  4. Evidence of attraction/chemistry — I work in the medical and fitness industries, and it is important for me to have a wife who is a good ambassador for Christ in how she looks. I’ve dated women before who don’t care about good nutrition and exercise, and it never ends well because this is an integral part of my life. A woman who strives to be attractive even though it takes work is going to be a better ambassador for Christ than one who gives in to sloth and gluttony. This goes both ways as my potential wife should be attracted to me too.
  5. Evidence of a willingness for family prioritization — God willing I hope to have many children (3-5+) and am looking to home school them. I don’t care if my wife has a career, but she should be willing to lay it aside for her family. Age is not a primarily consideration for me, but since I want to have many children younger is better.
  6. Evidence of submissiveness, especially to God  — This pretty much sums up a Biblical marriage in that it encompasses the 3 major roles that a wife is called to: a helpmeet, with submission, and with respect. I tell women that my God given mission will put me in uncomfortable discussions and challenges, and if she’s coming along with me then it will be more of the same. If you’re not growing in your heart, mind, soul, and strength for Christ then what are you doing?

Michaeldresden also comments from the first post:

(1) Convincing testimony of both initial conversion and continued Christian growth. This probably isn’t very romantic, but perhaps we should be looking primarily to works such as Religious Affections by Jonathan Edwards as the first step in assessing a potential wife. What could be more important in making a woman less likely to seek a divorce (and in making a woman a better wife and mother in general) than that she is truly born again?

(2) Degree of joyful submissiveness to God. This point is, of course closely related to (1), but it is not exactly the same. For example, a truly converted Christian woman could be somewhat rebellious in her relationship to God (I believe that some feminist Christian women and female pastors are truly converted, yet I have found that many of them are uncomfortable with the language of being completely submissive to God). The more submitted to God a woman is, the less likely she will be to disobey Him by, for example, seeking a divorce because “the passion in the relationship is gone.” Also, a woman who is joyfully submitted to God will understand that there is no inherent contradiction between being submissive and being a happy and fulfilled person.

(3) Degree of joyful submissiveness to her father. Other than submissiveness to God, this is probably the best way of assessing whether a woman will be submissive to her husband. A woman who is close to and submissive to her father is also going to be easier to evaluate in terms of her theology. This is because you can ask her father about his theology and what he taught her in order to know where she stands (it seems that good Christian women often internalize the theology of their fathers even if they can’t articulate it in a clear analytic manner).

(4) Her father’s theology. Assessing a woman’s theological views can be difficult (especially when it comes to more complicated abstract issues). This problem can be solved by speaking to the man under whose instruction she has been for the last 18+ years. Also, if her father has good theology, then he can back you up if she ever has problems with your theology further down the line (e.g. if she is saying something to your children that you think is theologically dangerous, but that she thinks is fine).

I think your (2), (3), (4), and (5) should go after the four things I’ve mentioned. However, this is all tentative and speculative at this point so I could be completely off in my assessment. Any thoughts on my suggestions?

Generally speaking, I think these fall under my 1 and 6. In general, a relationship with God, respect, and submissiveness all fall under the similar category of knowing how to relate correctly to authority. Likewise, what Michael is talking about when he discusses the points about a woman’s father is important in this aspect as well.

All in all, would fold these into two categories of primary importance. Hence, my remade list looks like this with some corrections and more Scriptural input:

  1. Evidence of a relationship with God — daily Scripture, prayer, meditation, and service in the Church and community. This is a heart that is seeking after God and is fruitful with good works.
  2. Evidence of godly earthly relationships in reference to God  — a potential wife prospect must understand how God views earthly relationships and act accordingly. A woman should respect and submit to the Jesus (John 14:15), the Church (1 Pet 5:5), earthly authorities (Rom 13, Heb 13, 1 Pet 2, Tit 3), and parental/fatherly authority (Exo 20:12, Eph 6:1). When a woman understands godly earthly relationships, she also understands the 3 main roles  and responsibilities of Biblical marriage: a helpmeet (Gen 2:18), with submission (Eph 5, Col 3, Tit 2, 1 Pet 3), and with respect (Eph 5, 1 Pet 3). There should be evidence of the fruits of the Spirit — joy and peace — in these actions.
  3. Evidence of cultivated godly femininity — long hair, veiled when necessary (1 Cor 11), purity and reverence in conduct (1 Pet 3:2), inner beauty through a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Pet 3:4), not a slanderer or slave to drink and teach what is good (Tit 2:3), self controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, and submissive (Tit 2:4). Trustworthy (Prov 31:11), does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (Prov 31:12), works with her hands on various measures (Prov 31:13,16-19), brings and provides food and delegates tasks to servants (children?) (Prov 31:14-15), provides for the poor (Prov 31:20), wisdom and kindness comes from her tongue (Prov 31:26), is not idle in her household (Prov 31:27).
  4. Evidence of chastity in attitude and deed — Preferably a chaste virgin (Deut 22, 1 Cor 6). I’m uninterested in having to deal with the drama that surrounds a woman that has had previous intimacy with other men. I’d readily consider a low N-count woman who has shown though her actions and attitude that she has repented over a “virgin” Christian woman who has done everything but sex.
  5. Evidence of attraction/chemistry — A woman who strives to be attractive even though it takes work is going to be a better ambassador for Christ than one who is given over to sloth and gluttony. This goes both ways as my potential wife should be attracted to me too. Inward beauty and outward beauty are not mutually exclusive — you want both.
  6. Evidence of a willingness for family prioritization — Many children: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it (Gen 1:28b). I don’t care if my wife has a career, but she should be willing to lay it aside for her family as necessary (Tit 2:3-5). Age is not a primarily consideration for me, but since I want to have many children younger is better.

I think generally that it is pretty easy to find Christian women who represent the first point. However, the fact that they represent the first is not always indicative of them growing as a Christian. It is the second, third, and fouth points in particular where the rubber meets the road. These are the ones the require her to actually follow what the Scriptures state. Many churchians go to church and read their Bible out of habit or because of the community. They serve but their heart is not in it. The rest of their week looks much different than their Sundays.

The last two are very difficult to find. The obesity crisis and 70% of each sex being overweight or obese. This narrows the pool significantly, and in my case since I tend to look for women who are into fitness the pool narrows even more. Family prioritization is difficult even in the Church: couples want to have only a couple kids because it cramps their lifestyle or it’s too much work. This is another ungodly attitude which is crazy to me because children are a blessing.

The percentage of finding a woman like this is very rare unfortunately.

Note: this is not a full list. There are other preferences I look for as well which I am not listing. These are like the main ones that I have and I would assume that most Christian men will have something similar as well.

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55 Responses to What I look for in evaluating a potential wife Part 2

  1. Pingback: What I look for in evaluating a potential wife Part 2 | Manosphere.com

  2. Looking Glass says:

    It really all boils down to: What does she Follow? That’s the core question in all of this. And it dictates nearly all of the results.

  3. ChildofRa says:

    I have some questions

    1. You want a chaste virgin or you dont mind have christen woman who has a low n-count and has repented but what about you? Should the wife who are pursuing be concerned if you had a sexual past or if you’re a virgin as well

    2. Be fruitful and multiply is nice but i dont you should over do it. The duggar family the mom, i remember that her doctor said that if she tried to have another child it would probably kill her. So what would you consider is a safe number of children to have? Do you think a women has some say in the kids she will bare? My great grandmother had 11 kids and it was a struggle to raise them.

  4. The Practical Conservative says:

    Male fertility also takes a nosedive with age, with reduced sperm counts and reduced quality sperm (higher risk of defective, unviable offspring). If you are over 35, you are not as likely to be able to provide “many” children to a young wife. It happens, but it’s not something to expect as a default if you do manage to marry someone much younger (separate from the fact that marrying a 20something if you are 38+ reduces her life expectancy by a nontrivial number of years).

    If you’re under 35, or under 30, it’s still something to keep in mind if you do end up unmarried and 40. And traditionally, proper care and feeding of a SAHM involves other women (household help, either via community/neighbors/relatives or paid, or both).

    Lastly, based on data from Hutterite women, ten children is the biologically healthy upper limit of lifetime pregnancies for a healthy, fit woman who breastfeeds and stays home with her children and spends 25 or so years childbearing. Also something to keep in mind. It means quite a few women can be completely open to life and all that and still “only” have four or five over twenty years of childbearing while being physically active, healthy and starting at a young age (under 25 or even under 20).

  5. Jonathan Bee says:

    except most traditionalchristians disagree
    http://www.jdgreear.com/my_weblog/2015/04/the-church-needs-more-deborahs.html#comments
    http://www.summitrdu.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/2g-Titus-2-1-10-Extraordinary-Ordinary-.2.pdf
    this guy thinks being a wife and mom is not enough
    and real male leadership = wife’s choices over yours…

  6. Feminine But Not Feminist says:

    separate from the fact that marrying a 20something if you are 38+ reduces her life expectancy by a nontrivial number of years

    Actually, any age gap over one year between a husband and wife reduces the woman’s life expectancy. The bigger the age gap, the more her life expectancy is reduced. Pay attention to the graph near the top of this article….

    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/05/100512062631.htm

  7. RalphLockwood says:

    What Eve did to Adam is evidence enough to avoid modern marriage. The points you cite in seeking a good wife might be in place when you meet; but she may abandon them years into your marriage leaving you wondering what went wrong. Modern women, even with upbringings of religious faith, are too fickle to base a supposed lifetime union on.
    I’m not a hater and I wish you the best. Just be aware the odds are against you.

  8. In this thread: Women, as usual, going off topic by talking about how men should also be of some standard. If you want to discuss standards for men you want to marry or think should apply to men then create a post of your own. Heck, this whole blog is about mentoring and discipling men to be men that can lead effectively in the Church and in marriage. This post is SPECIFICALLY about what I look for in a potential wife and/or what other men can/should look for.

    This is a rather common occurrence that I haven’t called out much, but I will start doing it more. Please stay on topic.

  9. @ RalphLockwood

    What Eve did to Adam is evidence enough to avoid modern marriage. The points you cite in seeking a good wife might be in place when you meet; but she may abandon them years into your marriage leaving you wondering what went wrong. Modern women, even with upbringings of religious faith, are too fickle to base a supposed lifetime union on.
    I’m not a hater and I wish you the best. Just be aware the odds are against you.

    Cautioning is good. Be careful though: I’ve seen tons of men in the manosphere go down the route of condemning marriage:

    1 Timothy 4:1 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2 Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3 They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4 For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5 because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

    Marriage, created by God, is good. The fact that it is an abomination in our specific culture is not a reason to dissuade people from marrying.

    It is the same type of distrust that many people have of authority. We decry authority as something bad when in reality it is the immoral people who misuse authority.

  10. chokingonredpills says:

    @Deep Strength

    Thanks for sharing this. On chastity, I told my girlfriend a few weeks ago that it wouldn’t be right for us to go on a vacation together. If we were to do so, we must have another unmarried couple join us. I explained that my intention was to protect her reputation and have us be good testimonies as Christians.

    Last night, she commented about how her friends and colleagues no longer invited her to join them on trips and vacations. I asked her why and she said they wouldn’t want to invite her now that she has a boyfriend. It was, in my opinion, a roundabout way of reminding me about how conservative I am (we had earlier discussed about what she should wear to church — dressing modestly without losing her femininity). She used to tease me about this but recently was becoming a little more expressive of her irritation / dissatisfaction about my conservative views.

  11. @ chokingonredpills

    On chastity, I told my girlfriend a few weeks ago that it wouldn’t be right for us to go on a vacation together. If we were to do so, we must have another unmarried couple join us. I explained that my intention was to protect her reputation and have us be good testimonies as Christians.

    Good call.

    Last night, she commented about how her friends and colleagues no longer invited her to join them on trips and vacations. I asked her why and she said they wouldn’t want to invite her now that she has a boyfriend. It was, in my opinion, a roundabout way of reminding me about how conservative I am (we had earlier discussed about what she should wear to church — dressing modestly without losing her femininity). She used to tease me about this but recently was becoming a little more expressive of her irritation / dissatisfaction about my conservative views.

    I think the thing to do is always bring it back to God. Chastity and modesty behavior is pretty clearly laid out in Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3. Thus, you’re looking for a woman who obeys God and is willing to follow you. If that’s not her then so be it.

    However, also note that women don’t like being excluded from things. Her comments about not being invited I would think are more related not to being conservative but being excluded from a social circle.

    If I were in your position then my response there would be now that “she” is the one in a relationship she could be inviting friends along now instead of being the one invited. Ostensibly also to help keep you two accountable as well.

  12. feeriker says:

    Marriage, created by God, is good. The fact that it is an abomination in our specific culture is not a reason to dissuade people from marrying.

    I didn’t read Ralph as saying that marriage itself was an inherently bad thing; rather, as you point out, that our current culture has rendered it untenable. This would be a non-issue for Christians if they had managed to succeed in maintaining the scriptural sanctity of the institution amongst themselves. Alas, they have obviously failed to do so, and rather spectactularly at that.*

    Simply stated, there is indeed no point in a Christian man risking marriage if what goes by that name within the Church differs not at all in functional substance and degree of risk from what the secular world offers. It certainly should not be this way, but unfortunately the reality is what it is (i.e., the prevalence of churchianity over genuine Christianity).

    (*Christian churches and organizations today brag about Christians of certain denominations having “only” a 38 percent divorce rate, rather than lamenting the fact that the divorce rate among believers is significantly above ZERO, the percentage at which it should be, and treating it as a potentially mortal wound to the members of the Body of Christ that needs healing through urgent prayer and intercession).

  13. @ feeriker

    Agreed.

    Hence, why the post is about vetting a woman to find a “genuine” Christian. If I find someone like that I wouldn’t be afraid to marry them.

    Of course, there is always the risk of divorce… but there’s also the risk of me dying for my beliefs as a Christian too especially if in a Muslim dominated country. To be fair, we have it easier on that front than persecuted Christians.

  14. The Practical Conservative says:

    Your post is not following through on the social and demographic changes that have happened over the decades. There is nothing wrong with wanting a virgin wife with homemaking skills, but you should probably have noted that these days this means the wife-pool is mostly limited to specific subcultures, often with strong ethnic beliefs and practices that require years of immersion/commitment before a man can be considered husband-worthy.

    I am happy to apologize for posting my fertility-screed. It was an epic fail due to sleep deprivation from a teething infant.

    I think men should have a clearer understanding of exactly where the potential wives are, and I think that can be phrased topically. What you have listed, for example, is contradictory. Wanting a woman who is “into fitness” is not compatible with a “large family”. Those women who have more than, say, five children are usually not in tiptop fitness-figure shape. They aren’t 400lbs or anything like that, but they are very much not ripped paleo mamas. And that’s relevant without getting into requirements for men.

  15. Cane Caldo says:

    @DS

    This is a rather common occurrence that I haven’t called out much, but I will start doing it more. Please stay on topic.

    My ninja!

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  17. Coastal says:

    Man, I agree with your list on all counts, especially in regards to the appearance factor. This past week I’ve been observing people on the way to work (public transportation), and I’m noticing how hard the obesity crisis has really hit us. There are so many women who would look far more attractive if they just took care of themselves, it’s honestly quite tragic. Percentage-wise, I see more in-shape men than women. I don’t mean supermodel status or anything, just simply being ‘not fat’. Between that, the short hair, and tattoos (something else that I’ve never found attractive on women), there just aren’t that many women that catch my eye these days.

    Of course, this is just physical, before you’ve evaluated them on other Godly wife traits (narrowing them down much further).

  18. Looking Glass says:

    @Coastal:

    The numbers back you up. The median High School graduate girl is pretty much very over weight. And that’s the start.

  19. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    Great stuff, DS..

    Finding a wife who doesn’t feel pressured to “fit in” with worldly women’s standards is quite a challenge.

    As you and Cane have been saying as of late about “attitude”….I’m convinced that at some point, their “attitudes” (issues of the heart) can definitely shape their works.

    Where I’ve found disappointment is where those two violently diverged because they couldn’t fake it any longer…and believe me they can fake it.

    Evidence of cultivated godly femininity — long hair, veiled when necessary (1 Cor 11), purity and reverence in conduct (1 Pet 3:2), inner beauty through a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Pet 3:4), not a slanderer or slave to drink and teach what is good (Tit 2:3), self controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, and submissive (Tit 2:4). Trustworthy (Prov 31:11), does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (Prov 31:12), works with her hands on various measures (Prov 31:13,16-19), brings and provides food and delegates tasks to servants (children?) (Prov 31:14-15), provides for the poor (Prov 31:20), wisdom and kindness comes from her tongue (Prov 31:26), is not idle in her household (Prov 31:27).

    This comes either by upbringing (relationship with Father), having a Titus 2 woman in her life (at home and at Church) or just being self-driven, face-to-the-ground devoted to our Master and taught by Him.

    My observation is that this one is an immense hurdle, particularly in this modern era.

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  22. hearthie says:

    OT slightly: Every time I hit the box and the nice pregnant lady is there I think of you and the list… two out, one in the oven, six weeks to go and she’s still lifting weights and training. She stopped doing burpees just about a month ago… Yep, she’s out there… somewhere! 😀

  23. @ hearthie

    Yep, I know. I know a lot of people that do CF. Big problem is finding serious Christians that also exercise.

    Christians, in general, have some weird aversion to fitness and exercise. It’s like they think internal and external beauty are mutually exclusive.

  24. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    @ DS,

    They say it’s because “man looks on the OUTWARD appearance, but God looks at the heart”… as if David’s qualifications for Kingship (battling Golaith) has anything to do with being a good steward of your temple.

  25. hearthie says:

    It’s the competing cultures and the time factors, I think.

    I could, jokingly, blame it on the gym music, but I won’t. Hey, at least I know the lyrics to S&M, right? -shakes head and laughs-

  26. El says:

    Christians, in general, have some weird aversion to fitness and exercise. It’s like they think internal and external beauty are mutually exclusive.

    That’s not really the issue. The real issue is that the notion that if you put in an hour a day exercising, you’re vain, and vanity is a sin. That hour could be spent cooking or reading to your kids, or gardening, or praying (perhaps while taking a walk?).

    After a certain number of babies and a certain age, if you’re not ectomorphic (yeah, I made that up but I know you understand), it’s not enough. It’s taken me a good long time to accept it myself but one can only fight the same 20 pounds for so long before a clue emerges. It’s going to cost me an hour a day. Period.

    The result? Questions of whether running at this age could be the road to injury. Concern that skipping lunch in favor of a protein shake is the beginning of an eating disorder. Weight training? What women has the time for that? Etc. I bought a book by a 62-year-old fitness trainer who started working out for the first time at age 43 (she’s over 60 here), and someone asked me, “Why on earth would you want to be concerned with that stuff when you’re 60?”

    So it’s not really about thinking that external and internal beauty are mutually exclusive. It’s the idea that any concern about external beauty at all is sinful. The result is the same of course: bad habits, obesity, ill health.

  27. El says:

    My link didn’t work, but the woman’s name is Wendy Ida. (Wendy Ida. com)

  28. Looking Glass says:

    The issue is almost always Self-Discipline. Though I give anyone over age 60 a pass on the issue. Granted, a LOT of the issue is what the “Standard American Diet” has become. It’s why you see the majority of populations in other cultures being a lot thinner, even if as roughly well-fed as ours. (It’s just too much carbs & sugar.)

    But part of the issue, at least for several of us around these parts, is basic assortive mating. If we’re in good shape because it’s a necessary part of our lives, it’s slightly problematic to have a wife that simply isn’t going to follow along. Especially as her own vanity will tempt her to undermine your own fitness.

  29. Looking Glass says:

    Oh, and I’ve also gotten my 60+ year old mother lifting weights. So I don’t really want to hear complaints about it being too hard!

  30. hearthie says:

    What if: The struggle that it is to come back from the consequences of gluttony and sloth, and the way we have to wear those sins for all to see, well after we have renounced them, could serve as a spur to be more compassionate to those around us who have renounced lives of sin and who also wear the consequences of those sins on their sleeves?

  31. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    @hearthie

    That is a tough sell.

    What about having a testimony of deliverance from such sins? Does the consequence carry more weight than the fruits of redemption?

  32. hearthie says:

    I was thinking of the ex-bangers I see at church, with tattoos up the sides of their necks, the ex-druggies whose faces aren’t going to fill in again, the folks who struggle with things I think of as “normal life”. How do we treat those folks, as “nice churchgoing people”? Do we really let them in and treat them as just as redeemed as we are?

    The fruits of redemption should be far more wonderful than the consequences of sin, but how many folks do we scare off, by not seeing them for who they’ve been made new in Christ as, and just looking at the bits that don’t fit?

    More of a personal conviction sentence than anything else, perhaps I didn’t express it well. 🙂

  33. Cane Caldo says:

    @Looking Glass & Hearthie

    The issue is almost always Self-Discipline.

    This is it.

    If fatness is a sign of sloth and gluttony, then the equivalent of the physical “residue” (like gang tattoos or teeth dissolved by drugs) is not fat, but stretch marks, saggy skin, etc. Current fat is more equivalent to the gang member who mad-dogs the other congregants, or the druggie who shows up with fresh needle marks.

    DS seems to be much more concerned about physical fitness than I am, but the absence of self-discipline among Christians is a sign that regeneration (being made new in Christ) isn’t occurring.

    Generally, It’s not that “Nice churchgoing people” have chosen to resist drugs and gangs, but that the sort of people who become “nice churchgoers” have never been really tempted by drugs or gangs. The temptations of “normal” people are comfortable; sloth, gluttony, and so forth. So the question isn’t so much whether the “nice churchgoing people” will accept the ex-druggie or gang member, but whether they are prepared to stop being “normal”.

  34. Pedat Ebediyah says:

    @Cane..

    “…the absence of self-discipline among Christians is a sign that regeneration (being made new in Christ) isn’t occurring.”

    Word!

    But we’d suffer a stern rebuke if we uttered such things too loudly in the midst of the people.

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  36. Regular Guy says:

    “While the new MPIDR study shows that marriage disadvantages most women when they are not the same age as their husband, it is not true that marriage in general is unfavourable. Being married raises the life expectancy of both men and women above those that are unmarried. Women are also generally better off than men; worldwide their life expectancy exceeds that of men by a few years.”

    Modern women have it good at the expense of men. Women outlive men by 5 to 7 years depending upon the study referred to but this won’t stop feminists from creating yet another crisis where there isn’t one. The study is obviously playing into the hands of feminists who want husbands their age no matter how much of the best years of their life they gave away.

    Not buying into this.

  37. Coastal says:

    @Looking Glass

    Granted, a LOT of the issue is what the “Standard American Diet” has become. It’s why you see the majority of populations in other cultures being a lot thinner, even if as roughly well-fed as ours. (It’s just too much carbs & sugar.)

    Yeah, that pretty much IS the problem. Having since made the switch to eating Paleo-ish, I’ve begun to realize how much misinformation is out there in terms of nutrition. People want to lose weight, so they’re told to eat less meat and build their diets out of “healthy whole grains”. The average American doesn’t need more carbs.

    Losing weight isn’t hard once you start eating the right foods, the problem is undoing all the false programming in terms of what’s really healthy. In a sense, you need folks to swallow the red pill of the nutritional world before you can really get anywhere.

  38. Looking Glass says:

    @Coastal:

    Bingo. It’s one of the reasons going “red pill” helps with weight loss/general health. You have to accept what you know is false and rebuild the knowledge. It’s actually not that hard to learn.

  39. Feminine But Not Feminist says:

    @ Regular Guy

    Modern women have it good at the expense of men. Women outlive men by 5 to 7 years depending upon the study referred to but this won’t stop feminists from creating yet another crisis where there isn’t one. The study is obviously playing into the hands of feminists who want husbands their age no matter how much of the best years of their life they gave away.

    Not buying into this.

    You’ve completely missed the point. I have a response for this, but will only post it with DS’s permission, since it (along with your comment) goes off topic, and he said he wants it to stay on topic.

  40. @ FBNF

    If you want to discuss the merits of the study go for it. Just make sure they take into account the inherent issues that go along with populational studies.

  41. Regular Guy says:

    Getting back on topic:

    Referring to #4: It seems the sin of gluttony isn’t even on the radar to most Christians. I admit, I’m at fault here as well being 30lbs overweight. I committed myself this week coincidentally to a Paleo lifestyle because I’m not getting any younger, I want a better quality of life and want to be obedient to the Lord. 1 Cor 6:19-20

    That being said, I married an obese woman and despite the folk lore, they do NOT have bubbly personalities. They use food to treat the emotional baggage in their past and the sweet charm is simply a cover for the “red flags” you should be aware of.

  42. Feminine But Not Feminist says:

    @ DS

    If you want to discuss the merits of the study go for it. Just make sure they take into account the inherent issues that go along with populational studies.

    Ok, will do (later; I won’t have time before my lunch break is over). Just so I don’t cross the line, I want to make sure I understand what you mean by “inherent issues that go along with populational studies” …?

  43. @ FBNF

    Just go for it.

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  46. Interesting post DS! Thanks for the feedback on my comments. I would have commented here sooner but I actually tuned out of the manosphere for a while and wasn’t aware that you had posted this.

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